Honestly I’m supposed to be looking for a new place, but now I’m just looking at castles like, yeah I could make this work.
Don’t be fooled. Castles are so much more expensive than you think. They are heritage sites, you are obligated to keep it well maintained. This can cost between 100k to 1m per year, or even much more depending on the state and size. Next to that you’re not allowed to insulate it or replace the windows with double glass, so you will spend thousands per year just not to freeze to death.
The reason these castles are so cheap is because the state is in poor condition and the current owner doesn’t have the funds to fix it to regulatory standards. So you can assume you will spend 5 to 10m (if not more) into it after buying it, then to have the previous mentioned yearly maintenance costs on top of that.
I know because my French branch of the family used to live in a castle.
If you fail to keep the castle in shape you can get serious fines and even lose ownership. And depending on the country, prison time.
Then there are the taxes that are not fun at all.
So when you buy one, make sure you have at least 20m ready to spend the first 1 to 5 years. But to be sure you won’t go bankrupt, better have 50m as a target as costs always end up much higher than expected. It happens a lot, people buying a castle then to go bankrupt due to the insanely high maintenance costs.
I once stayed in an expensive castle hotel. It was fucking freezing. I realised then what a massive PITA castles are
Another reason billionaire’s are worthless. I know what I’d be doing with that kind of money
Probably also one of the many many reasons I would never be a billionaire… I just don’t have the heart for it
Lmao, well played. You could’ve gone with “two chicks at the same time”, but I like your reference better
Do you have to supply your own serfs or are they included in the purchase?
The cheap ones, mostly in France and Belgium, often are ruins or close to that state. They come with mold, wood worms and rot.
Here in the Netherlands you could live in a castle for free* (not own it). The * was that you were responsible for renovating it. The responsibilities also included the renovating costs. So you would be the staff who had to pay and work to renovate someone else’s house. Again, looks like a nice deal, living in a castle for free, until you find out what the costs actually are. It’s cheaper to rent in New York and then you won’t have to work next to your actual job.
Honestly not that different from renting in much of the US. In theory my landlord should have to pay for the repairs that aren’t my fault. In reality it’s more efficient for me to just pay out of pocket and do it myself rather than wait for him to fix it. I spent weeks without running water later summer because the well pump broke and he dinked around doing everything but replacing it (which is what needed done). I kinda like the idea that nobody “owns” a home, they just take on the responsibility of upkeep.
Yeah the social housing company I rent from works very hard to do a little as possible for their renters. I also do stuff myself out of my own pocket. But a castle is a different story, the upkeep costs far exceed my current rent haha
I can hear my wife now: “Do you know who’s going to clean this monstrosity? Because I can tell you who’s NOT going to clean it - ME, that’s who!”
She’s never been one to demand a bigger house.
Even if I don’t do the upkeep, what are they going to do to me? Lay siege?
This is giving “What are you going to do, stab me?” vibes…
What OP fails to mention are the humongous taxes and upkeep costs
Rent it out for porn films, and use the money for maintenance.
If you get a castle for free you’re not likely to be charged property tax, considering the value initially is €0. But obviously if it was such a great deal the free castles would have been sold out by now.
“FREE CASTLES! GET YER FREE CASTLES!”
If you get a castle for free you’re not likely to be charged property tax, considering the value initially is €0
Yeah no I don’t think that’s how it works
OK, but restoring a castle is not gonna be cheap. This has “credit cards are great because I don’t have to pay anything for 3 months” vibes.
My expectation would be that financing is difficult to acquire, and the upkeep and renovation to make/keep it habitable ends up being a money hole. So if anything, it’s just like buying a normal home in the US.
Also OOP is hugely downplaying the amount of responsibility and rules you have to follow with most of these.
“You see that chicken? It’s made from chicken! Kill it, you get free chicken!”
“This here’s wool, it grows on sheep. Cut it off, sell it, it fuckin grows back again! You cannot lose!!!”
Pay for it in cash, hire enough staff to maintain it like a true manor lord.
Yet another nice thing that’s reserved only for the rich…
Honestly this one is a wealth transfer method because it doesn’t bring in shit and the upkeep is a bitch
That’s why you pay people to do the upkeep. Cause you’re probably already rich if you bought a castle.
And it can bring shit in if you use the land to generate revenue. Paying people to work it for you, of course. Cause that’s what manor lords do…
The catch is that they’re in bumfuck nowhere, really expensive to heat/cool, and just generally not well suited to modern lifestyles as well as being uncomfortable to live in in general.
It’s designed with surviving attack as the primary purpose, everything else is secondary. Sure, it’s luxurious by medieval standards, but any home up to code in the first world is science fiction levels of luxurious by those standards. Indoor plumbing, heating that hits every room, smokeless lighting, cooling, wall to wall carpeting, smokeless cooking… all luxuries you better hope you can install at all, though you probably can’t do it great, and definitely can’t do it inconspicuously.
And that’s not even hitting on the “too big home” problem. People can manage a bigger house than they need, sure, but only to a point. Even a late 20th century mansion is too much for a person who can’t burn a ton of money heating such a large building and doesn’t have servants to do the various tasks associated with such a large home. Just think of all the cleaning required.
Now if you’ve got a decently large polycule/commune/family where everyone is down to do a lot of chores and doesn’t mind not having running water, then this is for you. Hopefully you’ve got an electrician in there because I can’t imagine it’s cheap to have someone safely wire a house with a stone interior, especially to the standards most people want.
These places are also cons because you can only use local labor. You can’t even DIY it, you can’t bring in other guys from elsewhere in the same county. You must hire Guido and his cousin Antonio for all of it. It’s baked into the contract.
Wiring a stone building would be reasonably easy, you’d just have to run everything in conduit.
Okay so we’ve all heard of the transgender ranch. Who’s gonna start a transgender castle‽
You’re better off buying a monetary/convent or a failed university. Modern ones have modern amenities and they’re still relatively cheap because middle of nowhere and hard to repurpose. They’re definitely more expensive than free, but I place a lot of value on indoor plumbing.
Yeah a friend was looking into making a trans commune a few years ago. Another option was abandoned elementary/high schools, but they don’t really conduct themselves to residence well.
The convents were actually tempting, they’re a nice middle ground between castles and going full Sanyasin and building a commune from scratch with single family housing.
I’ve never heard of the trans ranch though
The ranches are for the puppy variety of trans folk (and other precious critters of course).
I’ve always wanted to live in an old-fashioned church.
Stone doesnt really burn, so as electrical goes, its a pretty nice medium. You just need to have the conduit exposed on the wall to do it cheaply.
Plumb it similarly. Pipes along the wall. Could be nice but heating and cooling could get complicated fast.
There’s no way that castle only has 6 bedrooms.
Indeed, but there is also a music room, a great hall, entrance hall, atrium, reading room, dining room, servants hall, 10 sets of servants quarters, kicthen, pantry, laundry room, stables and coal storage room.
the other rooms are dungeaons.
Don’t worry about it. The stables are nicer than where you live now.
Ooh, I’m liking Kinloch Castle on the Isle of Rum! (Better than the nearby Isle of Muck, for sure!) Only £750,000! Sure it’s a fixer-upper, but it includes a Steinway piano, an orchestrion, and “Victorian bathrooms with multi-function shower cabinets!” Whatever the heck those are, and they aren’t shown in the video. Neither is the kitchen. At least the local community is in support of getting it bought and renovated. I don’t know why all those billionaires are building ugly bunkers from scratch instead of putting them under the wine cellar of an island castle.
Edit: Well I still don’t have a picture of the castle bathrooms but “multi-function shower cabinets” might refer to fixtures like these, with an overhead shower, all-around needle spray, liver and kidney spray, and bidet.
Right? At least have some style.
Cool, you can have a leaky, rotting pile of stone in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, or a swanky apartment right in the middle of NYC.
Buying the castle would only be the start.
I’m taking the castle. Way more fun.
Yeah but like… what if my dream isn’t to own an overpriced done up apartment in the middle of a noisy polluted city around millions of other people where you sit in traffic just to get anywhere?
If you live in the middle of NYC, you’re not getting stuck in traffic because you’re not driving.
Yeah, you’re walking and carrying all your shit with you instead. In the heat, and rain, and snow, and wind. That’s so much better.
You do you, but buying something like that castle would be like buying a boat.
The purchase price is just the start.
If you can afford 1.6million for a NYC apartment, you can afford 1.3million and upkeep for a castle. People don’t buy luxury NYC apartments to live in. They buy them to peacock to other rich people. At least if you have a castle, you’re creative with your peacocking.
What do you want with 1200 square foot (everything but metric) and only 1.5 baths?
I’ll move to Italy to accept my free castle and be a hermit and caretaker, so long as it comes with a massive library I can stock with books. I think I’ve found my new life’s calling.
Massive library?
Have you been to a castle 😁
You could have like the summer library of detective stories, the winter library of science, the autumn library of dark eastern writers and the spring library filled with frivolous lecture without even breaking a sweat.
The caveat is that you would probably have to upgrade it enough so the books in the library don’t mildew from the weather. But if you have a million and can take on one of those free ones, I can see tackling that one room at a time.
Don’t get the castle in England but in France, good weather and holes in the castle will keep all the books sane.
How are you going to pay for the 3000€/month energy bill to keep the thing warm enough to stay reasonably mold-free, while being an hermit?
Easy, I’ll just wait to be contacted on a dark and stormy night by a lawyer in a fancy suit to inform me that my long lost reclusive great grandfather has passed away, and I as the sole remaining heir, have inherited his fortune along with his castle. The only catch is, of course, that in order to accept the inheritance, I must spend a full week sleeping in said castle. After that, bringing on his quirky, and mysterious staff to help me manage and run the place should be no problem. As long as I remember to NEVER set foot in the basement, I’ll be fine.
Heating the whole thing is just dumb. Plus an old castle is drafty which reduces humidity. But even if the stones mold in the winter a quick bleach scrub takes care of it. Natural stone isn’t a very mold friendly material anyway.
Of course that’s the issue you have to heat any parts that are renovated. So depends on the castle you get
You would have to at least heat the library, or the books are going to rot.
Well I’d make a good start by installing really good insulating windows throughout. Then there’s probably room and access to put solar panels on the battlements
If it’s a historical monument you’re stuck with period windows installed by approved contractors (or yourself if you manage to source glass that wouldn’t get you fines for not respecting the historical accuracy the State wants). There’s a reason there’s so many ruins, the rules are insane.
If you’re a rich enough hotel magnate you can buy off the people writing the compliance shit and/or the inspectors, I guess.
I was thinking you’d leave/preserve the original leaded window and fit another inside. Castles have thick walls.
https://www.castlecollector.com/resources/guides/how-to-live-in-castle
I’d see that as a 10% annual upkeep costs, similar to boats.
They will only give you a castle if you’re already wealthy, it’s a whole process to check you have existing assets. They’re not giving castles to random people with ordinary income.
Socialism for the rich!
I mean, the poor literally don’t have the means to restore a castle. Let alone afford the utilities.
No moat, no sale.
Sail*
What if I just want one so I can hold a sword up in front of it an yell “I HAVE THE POWER!” like He-man? Can I still get one? Guys, why are you walking away?
