In The Fray - How to Save a Life, they sing:
And I pray to God he hears you
I always heard:
and I paid a guy to kiss you

The song is largely about a person trying to help/give advice to a depressed friend. With this change in lyrics, I feel the desperation of the main character shines through far more brightly.
The friend has such low self esteem that you decide to pay someone to pretend to like them, because you’re out of options for how to cheer them up.

“go to lonely starbucks lovers” my beloved

Like a dog without a bone, like an actor OUT OF ROLE

For fuck’s sake Jim, actor out on loan, pff! What had he been smoking?

Looking back on when we fisted
I cannot escape and I cannot forget
Baby, you’re the one, you still turn me on
You can make me whole again

‘Carry a laser down the road that I must travel
Carry a laser through the darkness of the night’

Superchunk has a song hyper enough. It sounds like they say “Laughter guns” but it’s actually “Lofter winds”

Like this is Reebok or Nike song turns out to be this is the rhythm of my night

What the hell do you mean “like a kiss from a rose on the gray!?”

At a punk gig once I heard:

“Titties and cheesecake! Titties and cheesecake! Titties and cheesecake!“

They were actually singing about “Tinnies (Aussie for beer) on Tuesday”. Not as good IMO.

Hey now, you’re a rockstar, get the show on, get laid

not always. I saw this in a forum meant years ago, I wish I had saved a screenshot or something…

the forum thread was about the dumbest lyrics in songs and someone said sanitarium by metallica had these lyrics:

Got some death to do
Mirror stairs back hard
Kill, it’s such a friendly word

and complained it’s nonsense. why would stairs be made of mirrors, and what did that have anything with the rest… also what does stairs back hard even mean, etc …

as you may have guessed even if you don’t know the song, the lyrics are “mirror stares back hard”, which means the person is talking about their own reflection having a look in their eyes.

not only were the misheard lyrics dumb, but I always admired the sheer confidence of the person who, upon hearing these nonsense lyrics, instead of using their internet access to look it up to confirm, used it to complain how stupid it was without thinking twice about whether they could have misunderstood.

'Cause I’m in too deep
And I’m trying to keep
up above in my head
All the thoughts in my head
'stead of going under

Here’s to you Mrs. Robinson; She’s a slutty moron you should know.

I’ve always heard promises promises give an end to those promises in the bridge of Lady Gaga’s Pokerface

in my mind, the lyrics of no surprises by radiohead will always be

no one laughs and no surprises

rather than

no alarms and no surprises