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You can tell this is fake because caffeine withdrawal does NOT just cause “lethargy” people would be going home with headaches and worse.
100% this. By the afternoon the first day it would be anarchy in that office. Headaches, crabby aggression, screaming, crying.
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
Yah that what I find the most hard to believe, especially given the writer is sipping a monster energy drink.
Plus, what entire office actually drinks all the same coffee from the same source?
If it’s coffee provided by the company for free, yes they are.
we have a free espresso machine and two free large cafetieres and a coffee shop where you pay on the ground floor. A lot of my colleagues still go to Starbucks across the street.
We have free coffee in our office. It’s terrible. Only half the people drink it. Others buy their own.
Yeah, I’d consider the urge to commit homicide “worse” (and as a fresh convert, let me say, I’d NEVER get away with this comment on Reddit)
I mean, this is the reverse of unknowingly drugging someone, not sure if this is illegal or not, but it feels illegal lol
Pretty sure it’s illegal
Later on it says they switched back to the highest caffeine coffee available and the whole office was vibrating. To me this should be kind of a big deal, but people seem way more upset about browser cookies and public video recording.
true, all they care about is eat hot chip and lie
I didn’t realize we’re only allowed to be mad at one problem. What the fuck are you talking about?
Someone actually doing this would be a problem. At the same time, ALPRs and data harvesting are absolutely also an issue.
I am sorry if you are able to focus on a single problem at the time
From the moment I understood the weakness of my biology, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of the boot. I aspired to the purity of Corporate Governance. Your kind cling to your caffeine, as though it will not crash and fail you. One day the crude occupation you call a “job” will be laid off, and you will beg the Government to save you. But I am already saved, for profits are immortal… Even in death I serve the Shareholders.
Fuck caffeine, it’s MATH TIME
I hate how much sense this makes. Well, I guess the original is meant to be satire in real life so whatever
Adeptus Mechanicus from Warhammer 40000
“From the moment I understood the weakness of my flesh, it disgusted me. I craved the strength and certainty of steel. I aspired to the purity of the blessed machine. Your kind cling to your flesh as if it will not decay and fail you. One day the crude biomass that you call a temple will wither, and you’ll beg my kind to save you.But I am already saved. For the machine is immortal. Even in death I serve the Omnissiah.”
What’s crazy is that last line sounds like mere romantic sentiment until you read up on 40k lore.
Given that the Omnissiah is the only God I actually involve irl at times, I have to say it is a little bit of a romantic sentiment.
Knowledge is life.
What like this quote is narrated over a lovense commercial?
No, romantic in the “I love god” and embracing the majesty of a wonderful universe sense. In 40k lore, it actually means stuff like this.
Although if automated sex toys were a thing in 40k cannon, they would almost certainly be the domain of The Adeptus Mechanicus.
He’s going to feel so silly once he learns the concept of rust.
LinkedIn lunatic material
Well it would have to be real and not a “lawyer meme” as well
Caffeine withdraw is no joke, that’s how you get a really bad migraine or worse.
Should I stop drinking caffeine? I have two in the morning(7am and 8 am) and then none for the rest of the day. Am I subjecting myself to daily caffeine withdrawal?
(I only take medical advice from random internet people btw, never LLMs or 3D doctors)
The withdrawal symptoms would typically start in the afternoon on a day when you missed having caffeine in the morning altogether. But it will depend on your size and metabolism as well as how much caffeine you consume in one serving and how long you have been drinking it habitually.
If anything, you should drink more coffee
Yup, can very much confirm.
If this was remotely true the
Looked ashamed of his natural biology
Would 100% be the psycho misreading this:
coffee does genuinely nothing to me except make me unable to sleep at night. dont get the people that are depending on it daily
Coffee doesn’t even do that to me, nor does any caffine. Hell I can drink a monster energy right before bed
A likely indicator of ADHD
a coffee lover knows difference
You think these people drink coffee for the flavor?
They’re addicts.
I never met them in the office. The coffee drinkers in my office are just drowning their coffee in milk and sugar.
Generally work coffee seems like just get me through another day of this shit medicine.
IMO, a lot of cheap office coffee isn’t palatable (or nuanced enough to bother taking straight) unless you doctor it up like that.
Dark roast and even some medium roast tastes like fireplace ash, decaf tastes like vegetable root farts and/or chemicals.
You are not joking. One of my favorite diners served Lavazaa which was always roasted to hell in order to bring out distinct “cigarette ash” notes. Needless to say, I didn’t go there for the coffee.
I really want to know if I’m doing it wrong or something. Maybe different brew methods that I don’t do, magically don’t pull out the burnt flavors??
That’s the only way to get down most office coffee, and sometimes even that isn’t enough.
Noob mistake!
A professional biological terrorist knows that you need to mix decaf beans and light roast beans (high in caffeine) into the bean reservoir at 50/50, resulting in randomly varying amounts of caffeine per brewing cycle/cup of coffee.
Never let their caffeine tolerance know the next move!
It’s weird to me simply because I bring my own brew. Office coffee just isn’t as good as my moka pot and if you’ve got a zojirushi or similar high quality thermos, you can have hot coffee for a majority of the day.
Meanwhile me bringing hot water to work to brew a fresh cup of tea right there :p
My KleanKanteen does the same. I was surprised how long it kept my drink actually hot (>12h).
PS: Mine haa no plastics touching the hot liquids. Only a replaceable silicone ring.you bring 2L of coffee to work with you?
I’ll bring 500mL sure, but not a whole day’s worth
Highly recommend not drinking that much coffee every day. For your heart
I make a full pot out of 2 cups worth of grounds at home lol. after I figured out my occasional weekend headaches were from caffeine withdrawal, I realized I actually had to deal with cutting back
it is a problem now when I go to the office and can actually get full strength coffee each time. at least it’s very infrequent
I drink 500ml of tea and water at work.
If you can’t function without downing 3 or 4 cups of coffee, you need ro adjust somethingIt’s…time to make some changes in your life lol
Moka pots are a little stronger than drip so it’s enough to keep me going. If something important is up, I might get a latte or something out… but I try to save that rush for important things so it still hits as intended.
Oh I should also mention I haven’t worked in an office for a couple years now. Now that I teach, I go full espresso before lecture and that’s it. Lol
if it was true it’s abuse~
Just like corporate governance.
I remember this “prank” scribed on some BBS or web page from the early 2000’s, possibly even the 90’s.
Everything old is new again!
read so many variants as well.
still a shitty thing to do to people
Making things up and sharing them on the internet?
Had he pulled it through for two weeks, the withdrawal symptoms would’ve worn off.
Which is why he switched it back, didn’t want them becoming comfortable without their addiction. Gotta be able to play that card again in the future.
Inducing withdrawal is the whole point!
Withdrawal only lasts a few days at most.
I can tell you from painful experience that two weeks is quite realistic.
Can confirm - it takes about a week and a half to two weeks to fully get over the withdrawal symptoms.
This is from a 1 expresso a day start. Maybe it’s easier or harder if starting from higher or lower coffee habits?!
This is awful, but God so hilarious ( besides the weird psychopathy ) but as a senior prank or something it would go hard
