Talking random bullshit with someone you know well is great, performative socially masked pleasantries specifically chosen for their generality, and uncontroversial nature is immensely draining emotionally and mentally.
Dragging my tongue over ice-cold saccharine cream tainted by biter cacao seeds as grainy bits of sand dig into my exposed flesh and the roar of the ocean assaults my tender eardrums.
Every moment at the beach is unspeakable anguish.
Saying talking to the cashier is “… immensely draining emotionally and mentally” is some seriously high drama.
The world really isn’t that hard to deal with. Most people are actually quite kind. Not me of course, but most people.
I don’t count being polite in public small talk, I mean things like being at a party where you don’t know anybody, work events, ceremonial events, those kinds of small, short hells.
You’re missing an opportunity to be irritating for your own entertainment. Don’t let these go by!
It’s really hard for me to meet people when it’s like “what do you do” and I answer and they say “how is that” and I answer and then they ask where I’m from and then say it’s rainy.
I don’t think people hate small talk so much as they hate it when people are bad at small talk. A lot of awkward people will barrage you with questions and you don’t even get the opportunity to ask them the question back because they just keep peppering you.
Do people in relationships actually talk about useless shit all day??
We definitely do a lot of gossip.
I hate small talk, vehemently opposed to it… been married over 15 years…
When it is someone you truly love and cherish… even the most mundane things come with a sense of beauty and wonder, because it’s them. Their thoughts, their opinions, their take on whatever applies the meaning. My wife and I can talk about the rain and the trees and the bugs and the birds for hours, for no other reason than it gives us a chance to be together.
Looking at it the way the post does… you’re missing the forest because of all the trees.
I love the talks with my life partner about the inner depth of the universe and the emptiness beyond. I hate when he doesn’t listen to me about something that I know is a good insight. I also hate when he outright shows coldness. I do that sometimes. I understand we are so good for each other for we are good archetypes that fit together. He doesn’t do small talk sometimes, and he lies about the stupidest things to cut small talk to nothing. But I love him. He’s special, and I’m just happy someone understands my crazy so well.
Now God threatens me with how they ALL, including my life partner set me up. I’m not good enough for anything. What? Grandma? She’s ded
So, you think true will exists or what?
I hope so, I’m getting sick of meeting all these fake Wills
“Hi honey, i’m home”.
“Acknowledged, hun.”
Again. Awesome. Truly never gets old. Can’t wait to do this shit for the rest of my fucking life.
How was your day?
hi honey I’m home
well, looks like rain tonight
you said it
Peak romance ❤️
Okay, so here’s the thing. My wife and I have been doing this to each other for nearly 20 years. She’s a philosophy major. I’m a math major. This was probably one of our first big arguments. Any time either one of us stumble on a proof or a study or a tangential bit of theory or semi-relevant meme, we will immediately reignite the struggle session over free-will for the rest of the week.
Seems silly to exert so much effort over something that clearly can’t exist?
My husband and I absolutely do discuss free will and other philosophical questions. Being able to have those conversations is what drew us together.
Some people talk about the weather or their local sports squadrons. We would rather discuss the ethical implications of modern technology or the nature of knowledge or art.
You can have both, damn.
Yes. Works for me.
Because the purpose of life is to experience it?
Hearing what happened at my gf’s office shows that I’m interested in what she’s doing. Her telling me about her coworker who had a health scare means she cares about the people around her in that office. Her asking how my baseball game went means she cares that I did well, or I had fun playing the game.
Life isn’t a bunch of yes/no/maybe computer prompts from an RPG. That sounds like a miserable way to live to be honest.
My wife thinks that determinism causes you to ‘give up’ so you don’t fight against injustice. I, being a determinist, am obviously annoyed by this characterization. I would say that I am just as enthused to do things; I just wouldn’t attribute the enthusiasm to some mystical will that conjures it from nothing.
I just like keeping it real. I genuinely don’t care about your day and I won’t pretend like I do in order to fill the “awkward” silence. If I’m interested enough to talk to you, then it isn’t small talk
If you care about someone, then you care what happened to them.
Then it isn’t small talk if I care about someone
So asking how some ones day went isn’t small talk then?
I think your definition of small talk doesn’t line up with how people use it.
How I actually talk to my wife
I’m utterly convinced that nobody actually dislikes small talk, they just redefine it to something different in their minds or imagine it was unenjoyable by definition. It’s so common that you’ll see people say they dislike small talk and the say something like “meaningless conversation with people they don’t like.” As if “liking small talk” somehow means you have to like it with everyone, which is something nobody has ever seriously said. It’s just that small talk comes up in the context of strangers because generally those topics are more permissable with people you don’t know (as opposed to big talk topics like “do you think free will exists”).
Also I think a lot of people who claim they dislike small talk view the topics as exclusively things they dislike. As if it can only be about the weather and sports or something. Which, again, is not something anyone has ever said seriously.
It just feels very performative I guess? I’m not sure why it irks me I guess. Like they’ll say “I hate small talk” then talk about a video game they’ve been enjoying with their friends. Like, what the hell do you think you’re doing if not small talk? Talking about recent media you’ve enjoyed is small talk.
fucking hate it. I’m here for the real depth of humanity, or to transmit and receive infodumping.
The rest of it is exhausting. Imagine if you had to manually discard every piece of meaningless information you had to listen to in small talk. I have to do that. It’s annoying at the very least, and when you have to be in the room with people who LOVE small talk it’s a nightmare.
But why do you think that you can’t talk about things that interest you as small talk? Sharing interesting facts about stuff is absolutely small talk! You’re saying you don’t want to small talk, you want to info dump, but those aren’t mutually exclusive!
Autism, bro.
I am capable talking about whatever you define as small talk, but its not enjoyable for either of us if I do. Like I said, I’m there for real problems or philosophical musings for deep issues of life… and the infodump process is enjoyable for me, but that is NOT small talk.
You’re saying it’s simultaneously enjoyable but not enjoyable?
I really am not interested in finding a third way to express this to you. You’re free to do whatever mental gymnastics are required to continue to hold an absolute belief on this topic, which has no meaning.
And you’re welcome to keep refusing to believe that sharing fun facts with people can be small talk, no skin off me. Also it feels odd to that you accuse me of mental gymnastics to hold an absolute belief, when other people here define the same conversational patterns and topics as small talk when it’s with people they don’t wanna talk to, but some other mystery thing when it’s with people they do want to talk to. Not sure what is more gymnastics than that.
Yeah I didn’t say that, and you’re kind of demonstrating my point.
How about this: I actually really enjoy it and just cant accept the convoluted logic to understand that for myself.
Now you’re right! Just like you want to believe.
Or they just have to put in more effort to talk, form sentences.
Yeah actually that sounds pretty good, might ask my partner about it when she comes home
Nobody hates small talk. They hate meeting new people and the awkwardness and embarrassment of that situation. When you are comfortable with someone you don’t mind small talk or you’re comfortable enough with them to just exit the conversation because it’s boring.
I just don’t like talking to people I don’t know about nothing. It’s not awkward or embarrassing. I just don’t like it. I’m happy to be ignored 99% of the time.
Which is funny because I talk about nothing on here all the fucking time.
I didn’t say nuthin
I don’t hate meeting new people. It is quite refreshing in fact. Some people are turds, but most aren’t. Plus if you meet a stranger who is crap, you can just ask uncomfortable questions and/or mock them in subtle ways. Either they will go away or you will entertain yourself. Win/win.
