I am genuinely exhausted, like I am disabled and neurodivergent on top of being ace, I know I am not going to fit in general society that well what the hell? Is straight society okay? Like what the hell is going on? First this sort of exchange in normie queer people and just straights in general of ‘looks’ and ‘stability’ like they weigh relationships on these, like what will you do if you or your SO gets a deformity? What will you do if you or your spouse can’t have ‘stability’? Seriously I hear things like ‘women (yea these people don’t care about gender fluidity) can’t be breadwinners because they get pregnant, what will you do if they get pregnant?’ or similarly ‘men can’t be househusbands because women get pregnant how will they run the household’ no where do these people consider that anyone can develop the condition where they can’t work, especially now with covid but that was always a thing. They always need excuses to maintain the nuclear family and ‘male breadwinner female homemaker’ archetype, have they ever considered that life just isn’t that simple and these things are more complicated? Then there’s the prioritizing marriage receptions and time with your spouse instead of someone who is also close to you and doesn’t come out much because of their disability, like I am sorry I don’t like something for which you can go on a shopping spree.
Housework is work. If I hired a private chef it would easily be above 50k/year. A live in nanny can be closer to 100k. A person chauffeur is easily >50k. A personal housekeeper could be around 40k… the attempt at both invalidating that work as work and feminizing it is really just social conditioning. You can try to shape peoples beliefs around you by arguing, but that is exhausting and ineffective for the most part. you can also just live your life the way you want and try to lead by example without paying any mind- people ask questions and you can answer them or just shrug it off and ignore it- you don’t owe them an answer if they wont give you respect. you can only really get your point across when you are talking as equals.
I think it might depend on where you live, but in my experience the only people who give a shit (or would say something to your face) about men doing “womens work” or say women can’t be breadwinners are either extraordinarily elderly or extraordinarily cloistered in their worldview and only go out of their way to put others down in order to make themselves feel superior. you don’t have to play that game. its not their call. its your life and they are just ancillary characters
This shit is exhausting but I promise you there are people out there who don’t much care about any of it…
Lots of queer ppl with no interest in kids, lots of people who are more interested in doing the work than throwing a big fancy party, there are even solo ace enbies who are having kids but not throwing away their principles and organizing to do it, all without pushing their decisions on others who may not want to follow that path.
Especially coming from supposed revolutionaries, that shit you said is pretty repugnant and not very community or collectively oriented. Family is important to a lot of people, and that’s fine, but the obsession with elevating it above all else is unhealthy for everyone in society, and frankly it’s some Thatcherite shit
My goodness if someone implied I could become pregnant in the future I would be aghast. As far as I am aware it is technically possible (or was, I’m old lol) but 🙅♀️
Some people are genuinely happy with having a spouse and 2.5 kids but I think more people struggle with that life then they let on. There is a reason it needs to be reinforced so often!
It’s incredible how much people are obsessed about anyone with an uterus having to bear and birth children. I would be aghast too. What I do know (sorry for the lack of sources) is if people feel safe and comfortable about their lives and their futures, a lot more of them consider having kids. If you constantly live in precarity, of course you don’t want kids, or getting married or any of the things mentioned by Letztertod. This way of reinforcing the “core family values” is deeply unnatural and has always been. Humans aren’t made to be put into small little boxes so they neatly fit into a shelf. We’re all very different and our sheer mass should enable us to accommodate everyone - from one who wants a picket-fence home with 2.5 kids, spouse and a dog to someone who wants none of these things but just some help, care, and understanding.
In all honesty, the amount of ‘tough love’ and scolding these people do, I don’t believe there’s a single person satisfied with the lifestyle of this kind, they’re just happy they can comfortably exercise power disabled and other people, you can’t say ‘socialism is about a healthy society if you’re a socialist you need to embody that’ in a better world without social ostracization or getting punched to face. Like if they’re genuinely happy why do they have to preach about ‘providing for your family’ and ‘continuing life by reproducing’ like seriously revolutionary communists talk like this when giving life advice. Like shut the fuck up,
Revolutionary communists saying people need to provide for their family, as in monetarily? Big yikes from me.
Yea they say stuff like “we need to improve the conditions but you also need to provide for your family” they have like these big lectures on how you need to provide even in most trying times and have kids because our ancestors provided and lived in a time before doctors.
There are, unfortunately some communists who believe in the concept of the lumpenproletariat, but I think these people are being silly. Personally, I think it’s inflexibility around the idea that the “great minds” of communism could have been problematic at times, either as a result of the prevailing views of their era or just plain being a flawed human being like the rest of us.
You have inherent worth, and are more than your productivity.
Exactly, idk why it is like this. Caliban and The Witch should be a mandatory reading tbh, that might solve this problem to an extent because that book really highlights problems of Marx’s analysis and uses dialectical materialism and class analysis to further develop the theory.
Couldn’t agree more
I hear you. All my cousins and coworkers are always gushing over engagement photos and wedding venues and pregnancy updates and no one even bothers to ask about my life because I’m not following the script. Idk if its because they think I feel bad about it (like girl I’ve had to turn down proposals!) , or that they’re just so absorbed in their own lives they don’t care to be polite.
That happens so much, don’t know what it is with these people fauning over pictures of events and outings like yes keeping memories is nice but what is this obsession with your own pictures? Like one of my aunts asked me what gift I wanted for my birthday and I asked for budget, she said $15 so I showed her a $10 game but she said “sorry I can’t gift this to you” like what do you want? Do you want to buy a gift for me or want to go on a shopping trip for yourself? She wants me to ask for kind of gifts she likes so she can have an excuse to shop more for herself and of course lick pictures.
that they’re just so absorbed in their own lives they don’t care to be polite.
This has been my experience repeatedly, and it’s so frustrating. Like not even just them not caring about my life (which, granted, is boring) but even getting kind of mad when I don’t want to engage at length with theirs. I’ll politely listen to wedding talk and look at engagement photos or whatever, but people will think I’m being rude if I don’t participate and continue the conversation to their expectations.
I think it’s genuine proudness/appreciation/happiness/something-I-can-find-quite-the-right-words in seeing someone else happy.
I know seeing someone else happy can make me feel happy.
Still though romance and children isn’t the only thing to life. Projects and friendships are also extremely important.
Like a worker caste ant, the only legacy I want or need is a life’s contribution to a system that provides for everyone.
I’d like people to remember my contributions to the Legacy Portable Computing wiki.
I can’t begin to imagine how fulfilling it must be living in an actually fair society and doing a meaningful job. I swear I wouldn’t have “hobbies”, I’d just spend my life enjoying by working with the community.
I’m not interested in relationships at all. I wouldn’t consider myself aromantic as I’m not 100% opposed to the idea but it’s never been one of my priorities. However seeing everyone my age and a lot of people way younger than me in committed relationships does give me a sense of FOMO in a way. Still I don’t think it’s worth sacrificing my happiness just to “fit in”.
Felt. It’s a cycle of feeling like you’re missing out when you’re not in one but realizing its importance is somewhat overrated when you finally get in one
This is probably a me problem though if I’m being honest
Nah, I feel you. I’ve tried dating before, mostly because I felt I “had” to, and it just ended up wasting not only my time but the time of the people I was seeing as well. If there’s one chapter of my life I regret, it’s that.
My source of this is basically social media so it might be biased (hell I hope it is) but it seems like the younger generations are more and more buying into toxic monogamy, not necessarily even the recent tradwife trend bullshit but just have completely unrealistic expectations of their monogamous relationship and they center their whole life and personality around finding/keeping the perfect partner, it really weirds me out.
I think some of that is also a reflection of how isolated everyone is.
If you find your one person that you think your life should revolve around, do you need anyone else? Especially when it’s hard to make friends for many adults
I also think that plays a part in people staying in bad relationships, if you make one person your everything you cant breakup or youll have nothing
A few years ago I was in a busy cafe with my landlady and her elderly male friend. The friend decided to start loudly questioning why I didn’t have a boyfriend or husband. He announced to the entire cafe full of people that I must be a lesbian and invited them all to speculate on whether that was the case. I was surrounded by these people all staring at me, laughing and discussing my sexuality. Of course there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian but being the centre of attention and having hordes of strangers questioning my sexuality and what is “wrong” with me was so humiliating. I don’t understand why people are so obsessed with other people’s sex lives.
I honestly hate people who are so obsessed with marriages. Like fuck you, I am not marrying, I am not having kids, I am not doing anything to reproduce this social order
I feel much the same way.
I’m not interested in marriage either, or even a girlfriend, I’m aromantic! And I’m happy being single.
Might be considered a bit spicy so I'm putting this in a spoiler.
I also wonder if I’m a tad asexual. I do lust and have a few “kinks”, but “”“actual proper” intimacy? I’m not grossed out by that (unless it goes against my genital preference), but a lot of the typical acts would honestly be something of a hard sell.
I can see myself possibly cuddling with someone else! I like the idea letting a girl I’m close to access to just touching me “wherever”, especially in the processes of pleasuring herself. (And also a bit of me too.)
I do enjoy being around my mom’s friend’s six year old. It can be a bit overwhelming and overstimulating, but I enjoy it!
If I wasn’t in a fascist shit hole I’d be interested in having children. Perhaps via adoption, but maybe “biological” children.
Is straight society okay? Like what the hell is going on?
Cishet relationships under capitalism are just pure ass.
Now that I know I’m also gender queer (and probably technically a lesbian, sapphic relationships tickle something in my subconscious) my lack of respect towards most cishet romantic and sexual relationships. Many of them feel really hollow. (And of course the nasty power dynamics.)
But I think it’s also down to many cishet relationships being genuinely hollow things. I have seen some cishet couples have actual depth to them, but most of the ones I see IRL are largely opportunistic.
being around my mom’s friend’s six year old. It can be a bit overwhelming and overstimulating
That’s also mostly a problem of the mononuclear family understanding. Children shouldn’t be a constant burden 24/7 to their parents exclusively. Children should mostly spend time with other people who match their energy, i.e. other children! The idea that children should be isolated most of the time with their parents exclusively is surprisingly new and incredibly consuming for parents and children alike. Social upbringing such as young communist organizations would be an amazing place for a kid to spend most of their time at, learning and playing, and a relief for parents, who don’t have the time or energy to match their kids.
Agree 1000%. Parents need breaks, and children need peers.
Yea cishet relationships are extremely opportunistic and hollow in my experience, they’re literally just exchanges, extremely transactional.
reply to potentially spicy stuff
To be honest I am same with my asexuality, I like the taboo story, the thrill of getting caught and the drama that ensues, but the acts themselves?They repulse so much, I read erotica from start to end and skip the middle where the action happens
Continuation of reply involving the spicy stuff
That’s the interesting thing, the “acts” themselves don’t automatically trigger the disgust mechanism in my brain. I just don’t have the drive to seek that sort of stuff out.
But here’s the thing that makes me question if I’m a bit asexual: I can get aroused by genitals, but… Only sometimes? And I kinda prefer more of the abstract concept of them?
Like if I’m “in the mood” (which can be a few weeks every good few months) I’ll find myself being aroused, but more so at the… Idk how to word it. The “concept of genitals”?
Meanwhile my kinks are reliable, continuous, and “hold higher interrupt priority” over the genital stuff.
It’s all very strange. Maybe I should make an actual post.
spicy stuff reply
Honestly, asexuality also means lack of sexual attraction, you might be asexual in all honesty, we can discuss this more in a queer community post. My own journey in asexuality is quite weird.
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I’ve been with my partner for almost 16 years now. We’re not married, we have no kids, and we’re too old to have them now. We’re doing fine. There was pressure for a while when we were a little younger but it’s nobody’s business and people don’t honestly care all that much anyway.
