Lucky for me caffeine is the only sustained addiction but I will challenge the self-directed anger. I think universally it can be better described as internalized disappointment.
I shared with my psychologist recently something I heard years ago and can’t find the study but a child with ADHD hears the word “no” a lot more than a neurotypical child. As such we internalize and our default mode is “I did something wrong”. To which I told my psychologist and my best friend it’s like going through your life trying to be good but at the same time a part of you keeps saying “you’re a piece of shit and you don’t deserve good things”
Of all the challenges in life that has been the hardest one for me to tackle. The level of self-sabotage I have committed for the sake of thinking I am wrong even when I may not have been as well as the humility to realize that I intentionally fucked up a good thing multiple times in the past when I didn’t have to.
So yeah, it’s not self-directed anger. It’s self-directed disappointment of this ideal you could never live up to because you and those around you didn’t know you were struggling from ADHD.
This plus some autist traits I think led to my anti authority under pinnings. You get told no a lot for reasons they can’t explain and you start too a majority of norms are just enforced through sociol habit
The issue is that people (such as myself) on the spectrum need justifications and require explanations. If you can’t provide them, all you are doing is being confusing and we HATE being confused. Ambiguity is our “gamma radiation,” if you catch my meaning.
It’s situational but I didn’t have this it was very clear why I was being told no because the majority is neurotypical so I was an outlier. Always told to be quiet. Always told to stop fidgeting. Always told to stop touching things. Always told to slow down. On and on. I never asked why because I knew why. I was not behaving like everyone else.
What I didn’t know and wasn’t explained was I couldn’t do those things as easily as everyone else because my brain literally wouldn’t let me.
That THC is helping with a whole fuck ton of problems and got me off the daily liquor.
THC seems like the only thing that’s ever stood up to my executive dysfunction.
There’s a butter zone to being able to get shit done and eating an entire bag of chips in one sitting.
Mmm I should make some weed butter
🤣 🤣 🤣
I almost never get the munchies unless I’ve been drinking too. Most of the time a 0.2g in a dry herb vape and I’m ready to rock.
Lucky, THC just makes my ADHD worse (but I can’t sleep without it). I need a heavy stimulant to get anything done, and because my tolerance shoots up so fast, I can’t take any stims more than once or twice a month or they stop working entirely. So basically I’m a useless blob 28-30 days out of the month. Kratom helps with the depression and anxiety but it doesn’t motivate me.
Do be careful with the kratom there, eh…
Meh, I’ve heard the horror stories but I’ve been taking it almost daily since 2018 (except on weekends and vacations). I’m actually in the middle of a two week tolerance break right now, and the worst side effect I felt was a slight shoulder pain that went away by day three. (Turns out I was over exerting at work without realizing it because the kratom was numbing the pain.) And the depression’s back too of course but being miserable is my baseline.
So no, I’m not worried about it. It doesn’t even induce respiratory depression like a real opiate does, so the risk of overdose is next to nil. And I’m always careful to obtain my kratom from trusted sources, of course.
If you want to warn me about anything, you should be warning me about kratom’s isolated form, 7-OH. While still not deadly, that little molecule is pure evil. It hits you like a freight train and wears off within 30 minutes, making you constantly thinking about next dose every waking moment. It’s more intense than kratom, sure, but you don’t get the same full spectrum effect (it’s similar to the difference between live resin and THC distillate, if you want a familiar comparison). After a month of being chained down by this drug, I ditched the 7-OH pills and went right back to the powder. At least with kratom I enough relief from a single spoonful to have me feeling good enough to be a functioning adult in the workplace.
That 7-OH shit is harsh. I’ve tried it exactly once and didn’t have a good time with it at all. Just felt extremely dirty without the rest of the plant components there with it and mostly just caused one of the worst splitting headaches I’ve ever had.
It’s plain leaf for me as well, from a trusted vendor that tests for heavy metals and all that. I’d rather raw dog a couple spoonfuls of gritty vegetal powder on the regular than mess with sketchy gas station pressies or even the normal extracts.
The 7-OH craze kinda reminds me of the situation with synthetic cannabinoids (spice, k2) a decade or so ago.
I could see how you’d make that comparison, but personally I’d argue that the synthetic cannabis shit was far more dangerous. At least with 7-OH, you know what chemical compound you’re getting. With Spice it was a complete crapshoot cause the manufacturers would keep rearranging the chemistry in order to get around the DEA ban. Every time you went to the headshop to pick up a tin of that nasty-ass potpourri shit, you never knew what you were getting. At least the 7-OH pills list their ingredients; you didn’t get that at all with Spice, beyond a generic “not for human consumption” warning.
But regardless I still would suggest staying far away from the stuff, especially if you have poor impulse control.
That’s valid. In some ways it’s the opposite situation as k2 because the stuff you’re getting in the shop is almost certainly safer than the street drug equivalent at this point in time.
Do keep in mind, though, that having printed ingredients on the package doesn’t mean a whole lot. They’re still pressed tablets which could contain anything. These types of producers are known for skirting regulations, even adding illicit substances as filler if it makes them a buck. It’s easy for these types of products to be contaminated or adulterated, even by a third party. Production equipment can be stolen, packaging and designs can be stolen, copied or forged, etc. The stage is set for all sorts of shenanigans.
I made the parallel because 7-oh is under a higher level of scrutiny by the feds recently, and there is talk of placing it into schedule 1. My fear is that, if that does come to pass, kratom (in all its forms) will be banned as well, which will cause a great deal of harm on its own. That could then spur 7-oh producers/distributors to look for an “equivalent” (to them) product, which almost certainly will carry more harm potential.
7-oh can be extracted from Kratom, but it makes more sense financially to produce it synthetically, and these days almost all of it is synthetic. There’s nothing inherently wrong with synthetic products on their own, but when they are banned it’s far easier for the whole product category to start down a path which ends up causing far more harm than good, and this is exactly what happened with spice.
When synthetic cannabinoids were initially banned, the ban applied to specific compounds on the market. It did not just go away, chemists simply innovated new compounds. This cycle happened multiple times, and each time the new compounds drifted further away from the original product. They were less stable, more chemically complex iterations that came with more side effects and higher addiction potential.
Existing producers already had the necessary equipment, they just had to switch up their precursory inputs and/or manufacturing process, so they stayed in business, often cutting over to a completely new formula without changing the branding or packaging at all. Much of the harm that came from spice only happened because someone thought they were getting their usual product, were completely unaware it was actually something new, and took the usual dose.
It became cheaper than anything else, and you saw it for sale literally everywhere. So that’s how, by 2016-2018ish, the US had a very visible public health issue on its hands, which wouldn’t have happened if the feds just left things alone in the first place.
If 7-oh follows a similar path, that could be a much worse crisis. If we do end up banning 7-oh, the best case scenario would be a carve out for kratom (at least the powder and whole leaf forms.) Then, at least, existing users would have a safe off-ramp to transition to, instead of replacing their habit with something worse. I’m optimistic that this is what will happen if the ban comes to pass. The kratom industry has a powerful lobby now, and the American Kratom Association are good people who advocate for education, testing and proper labeling. They would actually be very pleased with a ban on synthetics that left the natural product alone. Kratom itself is just a plant medicine which has a massive net benefit, but it’s reputation is harmed by its association with the other products which, for various reasons, do not have the same benefits vs. their risks.
Thc gave me the ability to choose what I want to focus on, and it feels like a superpower.
It took a long time and some trial and error, but I have finally found medication that helps (Ritalin - long acting).
I don’t feel like a different person, and I don’t feel like I don’t have ADHD. I just feel a little more in control.
Examples
Instead of working on a side project for 12 hours straight and forgetting to eat or work on the important tasks, I’m working on a side project for 12 hours with food and drink breaks, while being aware that the important tasks aren’t being done.
Instead of getting irrationally angry when interrupted and going straight back to what I’m working on, I get angry for a few seconds, take some breaths to calm down, then listen to the person who interupted me before going back to what I was working on.
Instead of wandering aimlessly around the house unable to focus on anything, I wander for a while, then decide to have a nap because I’m now aware of the exhaustion.
It really isn’t a miracle drug, but my life is so much better now. Most of the time I don’t even notice the effects, but I really notice the lack of effect when I forget to take them for a week.
Yeah. I don’t feel mentally exhausted anymore.
Fighting with myself to do stupid pointless boring stuff that I hated was just so exhausting.
I still have to do stupid pointless boring stuff that I hate… but I don’t ALSO have to fight myself to do it. Turns out that was like 60% of the expenditure.
So now I don’t feel just drained by the end of the day. I come home with way more gas in the tank for the people I actually love.
Dang, that sounds incredible.
Maybe I should talk to my doc about this…
Bro I could have typed this exactly. I only recently (within 6 mo.) have started taking Ritalin and I get to enjoy my day after work. I’m not just cracked out, I just don’t have the same internal struggle happening ALL day long. Haha who would’ve thunk
Ritalin is basically amphetamines.
I had it for a while, and then switched back to uncut speed. After I cleaned up, I found that exercising a lot had the same effect for me, and that got me through withdrawals :-)
It’s focused on minimising side effects, unlike speed, which is focused on the high.
When it works, it’s amazing. You also don’t develop significant tolerances (aka physical addiction) to it, if you have ADHD. It ends up working with your homeostatic systems, rather than against them.
Apparently it is a running job with many specialists. People with ADHD regularly forget to take the “highly addictive” drug.
Maybe it didn’t do the trick for me, then, because I’m more on the side of autism than ADHD.
Speed worked amazingly well for me, though. I could communicate enthusiastically with people, and it helped me with all aspects of my life … the scene in Trainspotting where Spud has too much of it before an interview still makes me laugh :-)
Speed has a fairly broad effect on the brain. It sounds like it was helpful to you.
The danger is the difference between ADHD and autism. In ADHD the brain knows it’s out of kilter. The drugs work with the homeostasis mechanisms to bring it back into balance. With autism, the homeostatic systems think the brain is fine. It’s a social based problem, not a chemical imbalance. Speed then gets into a fight with the homeostatic systems over brain chemistry.
The end result is “chasing the dragon”. You use drugs to “fix” your mind, but your body then corrects for it. An ever larger dose is required to maintain the effect you want, leading to addiction and its problems.
I was an addict, but at a steady dose … there wasn’t any dragon - chasing going on. Even after years, just one dab too much would give me a headache, make my blood pressure uncomfortably high, and make me clench my jaw too hard.
That was not the case for codeine, which I also abused. Couldn’t ever get enough of that shit.
Ritalin is amphetamine. Are you saying it’s modified amphetamine?
It’s in the amphetamine family. It was chosen due to the bias it has with where in the brain it acts. Speed has a different bias that create a different effect.
I assumed the names were more specific than that. Thanks for explaining.
I regularly have days where I think “did I take my drugs?” I can often tell by looking back at my day, and realising how much I got done, without running out of mental energy. My partner can also tell quite reliably if I’ve forgotten.
I’m still me, just a bit less scatter brained, a bit more productive, and better able to focus. I lose some creativity, but that’s a fair trade for actually being able to apply my creativity.
As someone who tried and gave up on medication this makes me so happy you have found what works. As much as I hate medication I acknowledge it works for some people and many need it to survive.
From a stranger, I am proud of you ♥️
Edit - for me I found exercise and a psychologist was what I needed. I feel equally blessed.
AuDHD here. Before my 40s I was never a coffee drinker and I couldn’t get medicated when I tried.
Now, on days when I am good about taking both my doses of Adderall and making myself both cups of coffee (morning & lunch time for both) I feel amazingly normal and can just choose to be productive at work and crazy shit like that.
THC is amazing in its own way. It CAN help me happily do certain things I normally don’t want to do, but over time it seems like a net loss for executive function, energy levels, and generally taking care of the shit I care about. So right now I’m on a break, but have not necessarily sworn it off.
Self-medication is a normal response to mental hassles.
I tried Concerta and it helped. I would have continued but getting it was a hassle. It was super controlled and I couldn’t live with the restrictions.
It was impossible to refill a bottle before the exact same day it was supposed to be empty. Not one before. And I couldn’t get it at any pharmacy from my pharmacy’s network. I was only supposed to get it at my local pharmacy.
So going anywhere required counting how many pills I had, and plans to get back home before I run out. Going on vacation needed my doctor’s approval to get more pills than usual.
I really didn’t like how they treated me so I stopped taking it and went back to self medication.
Me right now
fuckin’ feel this
My friend gave me Vyvance one night to stay up and it changed my world. Things clicked and just made sense for the first time and it was wild. This was years ago, I still haven’t asked my doctor about it.
Vyvanse ended up making my heart beat too crazy, and it really caused me anxiety. I ended up changing. Be careful.
I had to take the highest dose and then had to chug a 2x espresso and a white monster to clear the fog, back about 15 years ago, but I was working nights and my wife had just given birth to our second, so… yeah, a bit more going on there
Thanks, ive only had it a handful of times. Normally whenever we all get together for something cool which is never anymore. He also splits mine in half because im not used to it. Felt fine to me, but i know what feeling your talking about so I am glad thats not the case for me.
I’m glad it’s working for you!
I guess, like all medecine, each person reacts differently.
Do it, it is worth it. The earlier the better, dont procrastinate it for years more.
My problem with medication is that I was given meds for ADHD way back when it was called ADD. One medication did nothing at all. Another medication did nothing to help the symptoms, but when I took it I became a 13 year old psychopath. I was mean and hurtful and angry toward everyone, and nobody around me deserved it.
Now I’m 45. My brain doesn’t work “right” but I’ve sort of figured out how to make it do what I want. Id have to spend a crazy amount of money to maybe get medication that might work if I can get it, and there’s just too much “If” involved for me to really pursue it.
dude they really fucked up everything by creating autism levels. they had it right saying pdd-nos were retards under the autism spectrum, generalized autism was middle ground retard derpy and aspergers was genius level you’re gonna make it in life autism.
it wasn’t cause hans aspergers was a nazi, it was an insurance change. they just treat level ones better and the level 2’s and 3’s are now considered derpy retards who have no chance at life and everyone who sees the diagnosis thinks you’re a fucking retard.
JUST LIKE THEY FUCKED UP WITH SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT HYPERACTIVE YOU DON’T NEED STIMULANTS I HAVE A FUCKING LEARNING DISABILITY!!!
I would just like to be diagnosed and be able to make a rational decision about it all but the neuro guy does not take my insurance. If I had the right insurnace hes like booked out for a year or more.
Oh, medication would definitely help. You have $700 you can loan me for a weeks supply of Vyvanse, right?
Jesus over here it’s like 30 bucks a month. I’d ask where you live but I’m almost certain it’s America.
America. Land Of “you need this to function so it costs more than you earn from functioning” Also, it’s technically a controlled substance (Schedule 3 I believe) so the 70mg dose I need was HEAVILY metered.
30 bucks in America too with insurance. Just a FYI, the system is obviously still fucked.
No alcohol? Sweet! A bottle of Aberlour 16 please!
Yes, but not THC. THC and my ADHD are mortal enemies. Uppers though…
Yeah. I wish weed worked for me. I just turn into a ball of anxiety.
I have this weird thing after weed where I slow down. Like my perception of the world and time slows down to the point where walking is painful because my steps are too slow. Try walking where each step takes a full 6 seconds, it’s actually hard work. Nobody can understand me either because I’m talking too slowly. The dangerous part is gravity stays normal so I can’t stop myself falling over like a statue if I fuck up 😂. I haven’t found anyone else yet where this weirdness happens to them. No anxiety though, so that’s a plus
I wish more people (naive teenagers specifically) would see testimony like your own, and understand that drugd can affect different people in different ways
I think if I was a teenager again it would just make me want to see what special effect I would get lol
try edibles. Then drink a soda. the high is more of a slow burn and the small bit of caffeine cancels out the paranoia (somewhat). The trick is that first YMMV, (of course) and you kind of have to experiment to find the sweet spot.
Klicks “report for:”
“I am in this picture and i dont like it”
No, because I’m an Autist and our pain is in context of other people and not us ourselves.
