it’s hot. also i’m growing cacti from seed which is new to me and i’m excited, a few of them are sprouting now. how are you?

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  • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
    3·
    2 months ago
    dysphoria

    Its been bad lately. I just want to be able to look at myself naked in the mirror and be kinda ok with myself. It feels like progress is going backwards, my body feels less feminine than a year ago, after a couple laser sessions my face somehow has more hair and i cant afford more laser (they charge a lot, i did the math and its $400-600 an hour). But specifically, my shoulders are just wrecking me right now…

    How do yall deal with shoulder dysphoria? I realllly dislike my shoulders, and everything makes them look larger. For reference im 195cm and somewhat thin (my belly begs to differ tho), with somewhat wide shoulders (my armpits line up with my hips). I used to try and find things to wear that would work for my body, but i have no money and tbh i dont think this is something clothing can fix… I just want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be ok with myself… doggirl-gloom

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      3·
      2 months ago
      spoiler

      I just want to be able to look at myself naked in the mirror and be kinda ok with myself. It feels like progress is going backwards

      same tbh, don’t think it will happen for me :/

      • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
        3·
        2 months ago
        spoiler

        meow-hug shits rough…

        Im alright with the shape of my legs and hips and waist, but then my ribcage sits on top of them and it looks like someone took two dolls and swapped their top and halfs. I just hate my top half so much!!! Fuck! doggirl-tears i want my body to look normalll i just want to feel at home in it doggirl-cry

        • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
          3·
          2 months ago
          spoiler

          I don’t really think there’s anything about my body that’s okay. A lot of the issue is just how big I am. Ribcage also feels fucked to me too tbh. Bottom stuff, don’t even know what would feel right there. Body was wrecked by acne and shit too. Can’t really deal with facial hair coming in at all. Dunno most of the rest just gives me a disgusting feeling but I’m not sure how much more specific stuff there is. Also my fucking voice is probably the worst of it…

          i just want to feel at home in it

          Yea same kitty-cri-potato I just wanna feel at home and safe and comfy…

          • lilypad [it/its, pup/pup's]@hexbear.netEnglish
            3·
            2 months ago
            spoiler

            I try not to think about my voice. Its… Not great… Makes me sad. Voice training is really hard because of my executive function being shitty.

            cuddle we deserve to feel ok in our bodies, they are our homes we deserve to feel safe and secure and comfy in them.

            • BountifulEggnog [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
              2·
              2 months ago
              spoiler

              Me too. Very little talking. tbh have barely had to talk the last few days and that’s always nice. Its hard for me because of dysphoria. Voice is the thing that bothers me most and training is just- too hard. Too painful. Also really doubt I could get it where I need it anyway.

              Wish I got everything I deserve :/ or even just essentials I need… shitty fucking trans life…