it’s hot. also i’m growing cacti from seed which is new to me and i’m excited, a few of them are sprouting now. how are you?

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  • SterlingPooper [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
    8·
    12 days ago
    Spoiler

    Finally looking at the local queer events and I once again have a bunch of conflicts

    I once again ask, how the fuck and when the fuck am I supposed to be making friends

    I really need there to be explicit “well, I guess that makes us friends” kinds of moments or, I shit you not, I will not make any inferences from the interaction. I’ll assume you meant well but would ultimately rather never see me again.

    If you indicate that you will see me around, or express interest in future plans, that’s pretty clear too, although if we don’t set it up then, I don’t really know if you meant it. I myself don’t feel this agency in most situations, because I assume that the other person is more in the position to say “I like this person, the interaction shall continue”. Like I have less of an opinion, somehow, or less of a say?

    I can’t do the lonely thing my whole life like some people can. This is gonna whittle me down.

    • TerminalEncounter [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      4·
      11 days ago
      spoiler

      I had told you once a while ago, but imagine you meet someone with your same attitude. Looking for a friend, a deep friend, a daily texting friend, going to events friend, checking in friend, who likes most of the same stuff you do - you two could never actually become friends because you’ll both assume the other doesnt want to hang out and won’t text each other first! It is scary, there is a lot of vulnerability, you might have had bad history with it, but you do have to initiate conversations sometimes. Passivity will not get what you seem to want, which does suck - I wanna empathize I understand the fear.

      Also, youre older in college right? Gen Z has a lot of anxiety - at least what I’ve noticed. They have issues reaching out and are often lonely too. I guess you must feel quite strange sometimes among younger people. There probably is a group for >25 year old at college, maybe not that explicit. When I went back for my nursing degree, I definitely had an easier time connecting with other people in their 30s or late 20s. I hope you can find some people you can vibe with and trust and feel connected too.

      • SterlingPooper [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
        4·
        11 days ago
        Spoiler

        I don’t know how to initiate, I can say about two words before I either get brain fog or sentences like “you girl, can I be gender like you? I want to be in the friend way of it”

        Like I will stand there and stare at the person until the interaction ends. I do not know what to say, frequently.

    • cursesten [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
      3·
      11 days ago

      sorry for reading most ur posts here like im studying u in a microscope but yeah why is it so fucking confusing to make friends or any connections and when and how do social cues and why is no one coming TO ME oooaaaaaaauhhh god and you know i go out of my comfort zone (death sentence) bcs ok i guess i gotta feel inconvenienced if i want to rlly get to know ppl after all and BOOM they dont reply or return the same energy. like oh oops i became over familiar its all over!!! hence why i also cannot presume the position of “the interaction shall continue”…well…! idk i just saw myself in all the stuff ur saying and being raised by the internet and i cant even make friends in fandom it gets to a point where yeah , i cant do the lonely thing all my life either. solidarity. and an ear if u need it.

    • Jenniferrr [she/her, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      2·
      10 days ago

      It’s an unfortunate reality but a ton ton ton of people don’t actually reach out to make plans even though they are my friends. I generally make things happen. I know who my friends are because they show up when I invite them :)

      I have found that with people with similar interests (lots of my friends climb) I just made a group chat with everyone and am like “Hello everyone I am climbing today at this location and this time, come join me!!” And I usually get a few people. They’re not always the same people either so I get a lot of quality time with different friends this way, while leaving it completely up to them to show up or not.

      I’m sorry you deal with understanding social cues, there’s a lot of nuance and it’s pretty subtle :/ the way I go about it is if I like hanging out with a person I’ll reach out to them and ask if they want to do something. If they reject me a few times without trying to set something up I just give up