I finally got around to seeing “I Saw The TV Glow”, and it definitely lived up to the hype.
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Still a bit sad from yesterday, but I do feel a lot better.Went to the town center and got lost in the crowd for a while, looking at all the people and I don’t think I stand out as ugly or weird like I felt yesterday. Also, watched a bunch of tiktoks of this trend where women remove their filters and make-up and stuff and it made me feel ten times better even though it’s just a silly social media trend. Good to be reminded of how people actually look instead of comparing myself to perfect instagram models.
me ->
<- a sports bra“is this a top?”
The answer is yes.
It is kind of a powerful thought the idea I’m ending my genetic line by choosing celibacy ngl. It’s like they say breeding ran in my family until it ran into me
If my ancestors wanted me to procreate, maybe they should have left a livable planet with a less terrible society.
I’ve yet to fully give up hope just yet on improving my life but I’ve no clue how’d I’d navigate being a parent and raising a kid when I’d more for them then I have and not even sure if I could give them what I even had.
I got the gender affirming nightgown (it’s just a really sexy nightgown). Even sleeping makes me feel happy now.
It seems that all the working on my appearance has paid off because someone called me hot today! That’s the first time I’ve ever had that happen.
Problem is I have literally no idea how to flirt so I kinda just smiled and walked away. What the fuck are you supposed to do when that happens
infodump
This is the way lol
“y-you too”
Okay chat, I finally got a chance to talk with my friend about helping me. Her big concerns were safety and legality, she wants to take me to Planned parenthood for an appointment so I talk to the doctor about everything (worried I might have some condition that makes me ineligible, tried explaining but its nbd). My only concern is I don’t know how medical charts or anything works. I’ve let basically all my doctors talk to my parents about stuff, is this on a per doctor basis or is there one list of all my shit they can see? Or if I just don’t give planned parenthood permission to share, then that’s kept between me and them? And they won’t tell my other doctors?
Also I still want to get diy so I have a supply and don’t have to take an AA, anything I should say to her about that? Only thing I think she’d be worried about is legality and I know at least some vendors do not ship in the most professional packaging.
Also also rough idea of how much is this going to cost out of pocket?
spoiler
I feel so scared
and excited too…DIY estrogen is perfectly legal and perfectly safe. planned parenthood is cancelling ppls hrt appointments and prescriptions, would not bother (and consider it much more unsafe personally). all homebrewers have discreet packaging, shouldnt be a problem. if youre doing DIY injections its like ~100 usd every year-year and a half
planned parenthood is cancelling ppls hrt appointments and prescriptions,
For what its worth, I just ordered a refill on mine yesterday and it passed processing (delivery is tomorrow though, so we’ll see).
would not bother (and consider it much more unsafe personally
Can agree to that. The other day a friend was over and I “joked” I’m already on a list because its Texas. Unsurprisingly, as someone who is cishet, he was unaware of such actions.
That said, even getting hormone levels tested using insurance will require doctors to give a medical code justifying the test, which was “F64.0 · Transsexualism” for mine.
I know that. She doesn’t and shipping to my house is a risk. I think she’s satisfied with shipping not being illegal, but has some vague worries about potential issues/conditions and wants me to see a doctor before I start. And like whatever, tried explaining and she didn’t change her mind (truly a woman when your knowledge is ignored). Getting an appointment won’t take long either.
Big advantage of going to PP is prog and surgeries down the road as well tbf.
Cis people are so stupid
many such cases
disadvantage of going to PP is everything they do is on your medical record forever :p dunno its up to you but would personally not risk it how things are right now
Is there something I might have signed that would give my parents access to that, and not just my medical records for one doctor or something? I feel like each doc has me sign their own consent to share forms but I literally just don’t know. I understand our current political situation.
literally zero way your parents could access that information as an adult afaik. it would be mega illegal. also you really shouldnt be letting your parents handle any of your medical stuff period :p
Worst feeling of dysphoria i’ve felt in a year or something today, feel like shit
Same, it sucks.
Aww, poor thing.
dysphoria talk
I took like 15 selfies trying to find one that makes me feel better, but they’re all grotesquely ugly and unbearable to look at. Feel like I shouldn’t even be allowed to go outside.
This probably isn’t new to anyone who’s dated men (and hope I’m not generalizing this to just one gender etc) but damn I’m starting to see the litmus test for a lot of these guys is seeing how they react when under pressure or frustration. Seeing some of these guys who I’ll admit are pretty cute in their way melt down when shit goes bad or get extremely bitter is like
The course’s theme I’ve picked out is failure all over the place but you get up and try again. Frustration is alright and shit’s not gonna be perfect but it’s fine. Today I learned something new that I didn’t know beforehand and I’ll keep learning something new going forward and testing myself.Nothing makes a guy go from
“dang he’s kinda hot” to 
“please stay away from me” like seeing him get pissed off and demonstrate how he has no healthy coping mechanisms or emotional regulation other than throwing a tantrumFr I finally know the sentiment a lot of white leftists have when around someone who’s racist as they let it out. I’m pretty masc looking aside from long hair and painted nails so a lot of these guys will just start ranting about women for instance and I’m like
hate to say it but I can see why a lot of these guys are divorced now.
i miss being able to swim
went to the thrift store and made a new friend, anyone have a good name for a llama?Sir Keir Llama
Smh reminds me too much of the british
Pedro, Nibbles, Lydia
Nibbles top tier here don’t know what llamas eat tho
Nibbling on grass and hay for the most part.
I do that too if I could
Shamma
Shamma = X + llama I gotta sole for X here
My town’s Pride is happening today, which I’m excited about
I had a pretty amazing dream last night. I was the captain of a space crew of 5 being sent to a distant planet for the first time.
For unspecified reasons (maybe engine failure, time dilation issue, being overtaken by faster ships) we arrived later than anticipated, and other Earth humans with around our level of tech or slightly higher had already got there, only to disappear centuries before us and leave an abandoned space station in orbit and a facility on the ground.
We explored the ground station in space suits we had for the planet but got trapped and were going to die, the whole facility was suspended/perched precariously on the rim of a crater over lava. The air was toxic.
Then we were rescued by even more advanced humans and I awoke in a community in a terraformed crater with breathable air, green grass, trees and white and glass buildings.
The humans spoke English to us but stilted, as if we were talking Latin now (they had a modern language too). They gave me this sick white uniform, very Napoleonic era naval inspired.
They were kind of in awe of of us as ancient Human explorers. They had really long names and when they found out my short name (even by today standards) they were amazed.
But they absolutely lost their shit (positively) when they found out I was a trans woman. These future people had the gender binary. In fact even more than us, because they had gene therapy that could allow them to “treat” all trans and intersex in youth. (they also seemed to have a class system but not money/surplus extraction). So I was kind of like a mythical figure.
These humans felt very Ursula K LeGuin, they weren’t a perfectly benevolent or darkly evil society they were just different.
Rigid gender binary but no prohibitions on sexuality or initially obvious imbalance of rights.
No obvious money or exploitation but strict hierarchal societal jobs like artisan, scientist, scholar, ruler etc).
I’m putting this all down because I should write a novella about it.
I’m putting this all down because I should write a novella about it
I’d def be up to reading it, you got some cool as dreams. I been getting into wizard of earthsea so I’m familiar with LeGuin’s works from thereThank you, I realized this morning it’s the first dream I had that I was a trans woman. I’ve had dreams where I was a woman but cis/trans wasn’t an explicit detail. Feels like a positive omen.
Hell yeah, I’ve not dreamt in a while but the few times I’ve dreamt of gender it was such a powerful experience. I uh
spoiler
did dream I transitioned but like through magic and it felt like a warm shining light was inside of me. It did feel extremely peaceful radiant even. It’s something I think about since it feels like I’m stuck being masc as hell. I do also remember the dream my mom had she told me that I transitioned so she got me a purple dress and cried with how beautiful I looked. This was years before I had that dream.
On the real I don’t know if it’s in the cards for me or if I’ll continue being gnc. I really don’t feel there’s a time limit on me to figuring it out at least but I’ll be lying if I said I haven’t been wondering sometimes…
i really hate being “they”'d but other gender neutral forms of endearment cause me to melt a little on the inside. “Honey” “Sweetie” “Dear”, especially coming from an older woman is peak gender for me
Beyond that though, I really can’t stand not being gendered and it’s odd
the antipshycotic i take is lowering my estrogen levels, wich is good
but now i want more low levels ;-;Went drinking after after a pride fest and ended up topless at the gay bar. First time being topless in public since growing tits. Hundreds of people saw them. It felt so good. Being seen as me is amazing
