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Actually, Harry Harlow did an experiment back in the 50s to test this theory. He took some baby rhesus monkeys and separated them from their mothers. Then he gave them some artificial mothers. One mother was a metal wire doll of a monkey. One mother was a cloth doll of a monkey. One nice to touch, one unpleasant to touch. Then he studied how the baby monkeys formed attachments to their doll mothers.
He found that even if the wire mother gives milk and the cloth mothers don’t, the babies still prefer the cloth mothers that are nice to touch. They would cuddle with the cloth mothers and seek them out for comfort when scared. This proved that touch is a more important factor in attachment than food.
Nah. It’s more like “I know the human loves me, because they feed me”.
Long story short: When I first met my husband, he was recently widowed and just wanted a transactional arrangement to get his mind off things. It stayed that way until he suddenly got meningitis. I was terrified at the thought of losing him as a person, so I upended my life to be with him and take care of him, even though I didn’t have to. That’s the moment it stopped being transactional. We got married last year.
Ugh we need more stories like this man, the reality is that things do suck but that doesn’t mean people can’t change. And shit, they might be able to change but not enough, in which case it’s maybe not meant to be, but good on you for still trying!
As someone blessed with the most patient partner ever regarding my own stupid male society learned bullshit: I would’ve ended my life a long time ago if it weren’t for her. Our society makes men feel fucking insane for being semi-normal, emotional, affectionate, and so on.
It’s truly asinine knowing how much pain my friends live with that they will never understand because they are desperately clinging onto their perceived masculinity.
Mr. Bunny’s and I danced Roind each other for a couple years in a broken state, we liked each other but couldn’t reciprocate emotion and were both hung up on our damage.
We actually worked through the damage others caused us and … idk if I wanna say trauma bonded but we bonded through the healing of our trauma.
Idk if I could ever find another person who was so patient with me and I wanted to be so patient for.
The raw “other person did x to me and now I’m y and I’m trying to fix myself but you’re seeing it and feeling it what do we do” negotiations … idk if I’d recommend them but idk if our bond is breakable now.
That’s really sweet! Good on you for working through it. Too many people don’t bother.
Just an fyi: I used to make the same mistake, but trauma bonding isn’t bonding over a common trauma. It’s when an abuse victim is bonded to their abuser. Very different scenario!
The other Mrs. Lezbian and I bonded early on because we’d both had breakups a few months prior partly over the same thing. We both thought it had a decent chance of being a rebound. But we went in knowing a lot of what we wanted and trying to be healthier, be more true to our needs, and just generally do things right. And yeah we clicked a little too well, uhauled in under a year, got locked up for the pandemic around a year in, and have been happily inseparable ever since, even though to this day we’re still working on our damage.
What a sweet love story! Congrats on the marriage !!
my pet loves me because I give her belly rubs before she gets out of bed in the morning
she will not get out of bed until the belly rubs happen
her relationship with food is a little more feral
This is how it is with most relationships. So many of my friendships started because I sparked someone up on a joint
Hah, joke’s on you.
My cats literally won’t eat when someone else feeds them. If my neighbors feed the cats when I’m out for a few days, the cats will wait basically untill they’re starving before eating, because (presumably) the neighbors have fed them wrong for some reason.
I’ve had a message that was basically “We saw no food, so we fed them, and then they didn’t eat at all!”. Yeah, it takes about a day for food to become free of the taint of unknown tresspassers.
I’ve also seen that video of a guy who’s cats won’t eat until he picks them up and hugs them. Maybe he trained them even though he doesn’t ask in the vid, but that’s more than just sustenance seeking either way.
Sometimes when I cook, I make a separate portion just for my dog (free of any ingredients he can’t eat)
Now when I cook something he can’t have, he won’t eat his dog food until I ring a fork around his bowl as if I cooked it
Bit different, but cute nonetheless
It’s like a sign to him that it’s ok to eat what’s in the bowl
My pets love me because I feed them and let them sleep under the covers with me.
Yeah they traumatize the shit out of you
I’m sorry for your trauma. You sound hurt and I would understand that, but try not to project your hurt onto others and their parental relationships.
No thanks
Being traumatized by your loving parents to learn life lessons > being traumatized by life to learn lessons
I know it’s not true for every situation, but in 99% of healthy-ish parental relationships it will ring true. I wish I could’ve learned so many things the “traditional” way through a parenting mistake 😤😤😤😤
What an insane take.
My stepfather broke a board over me because he thought I was posessed by a demon. Why do you wish you’d gone through that?
Read the second part of the comment bro
That’s what I’m responding to? Hitting your kids is the “traditional” way. “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is literally in the bible.
Heck, another time, he was hitting me and I was screaming so loud that the neighbor called the cops. The cops told me that I was being too loud and needed to be better behaved if I didn’t want to get hit.
What did you think you were describing when you said that you wish your parents had made “traditional” mistakes that left you with trauma?
Hitting your kids is not even semi-normal and you’re seemingly too traumatized to know that. You also seem to think I didn’t both go through extreme neglect AND extreme abuse lol.
Okay, so what did you mean by this?
I wish I could’ve learned so many things the “traditional” way through a parenting mistake
if “traditional” doesn’t mean getting hit?
Somebody needs to google some statistics eh
You have made the mistake of thinking what’s popular is normal
Yeah nothing like living your whole life with CPTSD
I wish you luck in your treatment!
Likewise, though I don’t know if they can treat stupid
Being a dickhead to someone because you’re traumatized is no therapy behavior
Now imagine telling traumatized people that you’d rather have their experience than your happy childhood
Can you imagine the levels of dickhead that would require?
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I’ve experienced both types of childhoods, I can definitively say I would’ve preferred having actual loving parents who knew how to use trauma to teach me about how to handle trauma in all facets of our lives. It’s one of many social epidemics currently rotting our society away.
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If you read my original starement fully, you would’ve seen that I wrote in loving parents up there… and specified that the statement DOESNT apply to everyone because I know better than most about being abused by parents from self experience lmao.
Human existence is nothing but endless trauma, especially historically. It’s actually spectacular that we’re even having this conversation rather than just lugging around rocks as we die from the ice age that would otherwise be going on rn.
Parents are evolutionarily meant to prepare you for the world, and we primarily did that in ineffective, animalistic ways like beating them. Should they do that? I’d say no, although I think it’s ultimately dependent on the child’s act and the parent’s emotional intelligence more than anything regarding the loosely bound societal construct that is “morality”. Like, if most people’s child intentionally cut their other child with a knife, I wouldn’t really be that taken aback to hear they slapped them for it - even if it wasn’t the correct thing to do.
The point of what I was getting across was that in normal, semi-HEALTHY parental relationships: trauma is the driver of learning for the broad human population. This trauma does not typically cause CPTSD. Hell, it might not even cause PTSD.
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Yeah but I wouldn’t fuck my pets.
I wouldn’t fuck my parents either, but you do you I guess.
The incinerator is that way sir
So kids are just a pet with benefits
Gross
Also not accurate, more like a pet with detriments
