when i was 12-15 i had a fire in me to live but years went by and i became an adult and it messes up with my sense of dignity and humanity in a very harsh way and i can the urge to just break and obey my situation so if anybody could leave me a message telling me to not do it i would appreciate it…
oof, feel that. i was so excited to leave when i was younger but the abuse disabled me and now i can’t afford to leave
if you’re able to leave without it being a dangerous situation, for sure do it
You deserve to be treated with respect. I know it can be hard and something about being human makes us believe shit when people tell us over and over again, but you do deserve better then abuse.
I’m not sure what works best for you, if you are a in spite of type of person, or someone who would do better if you thought of the type of advice you’d give to someone else and then follow it. But I want you to accept yourself (which can be easier then love) and do what you got to do to get out of that horrible situation.
If leaving doesn’t have emotional weight then maybe you need to consider coming. Is there anything you want to move towards?
On micnd’s point, is there nature nearby you can take a walk in?
What are your circumstances?
Can you sustain yourself after leaving? Maybe the answer is yes, and even better.
How secure are your finances?
If the answers to the above are no, then do you have friends you can rely on and stat with in the interim? What sort of community to you have outside of your family?
I don’t pretend to understand your situation completely, the only thing I can suggest is take a time off to clear your head, tell your household (family?) that you are going for your walk. Go outside, touch grass, inhale, exhale, and taste the freedom of being away from whatever bullshit you’re dealing with.
Once you cleared your head, then you can start to gather your courage and rationally plan your next steps. Think about what you really want to achieve.
Maybe try leaving for a couple days or just leave as far as you can in a day (and come back) and see if you can work your way up getting farther and farther away for longer periods of time.
This is too flippant for this situation but I thought you might get a chuckle out of it still maybe
Do you have the ability/opportunity to leave?
Only you can ultimately motivate yourself to save yourself, there is nobody else who can save you fundamentally. You can have people to rely on, people you can trust to talk about these things with and help you help yourself, but ultimately your motivation needs to come from within.
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I dm’d you.
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