when i was 12-15 i had a fire in me to live but years went by and i became an adult and it messes up with my sense of dignity and humanity in a very harsh way and i can the urge to just break and obey my situation so if anybody could leave me a message telling me to not do it i would appreciate it…
I don’t pretend to understand your situation completely, the only thing I can suggest is take a time off to clear your head, tell your household (family?) that you are going for your walk. Go outside, touch grass, inhale, exhale, and taste the freedom of being away from whatever bullshit you’re dealing with.
Once you cleared your head, then you can start to gather your courage and rationally plan your next steps. Think about what you really want to achieve.