definitely not just uploading a picture of one of my plants because i forgot about this mega
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sex, rant, TMI
Out of the blue so apologies I suppose, I’m a bit of a prude regarding this but whatever… I just suck at fucking. I have a cis long term girlfriend and well she has her own sex issues like a lot of them but I also am just plainly bad. I cant finger her cause it hurts her, only very rarely it feels pleasurable. It took like 3 years of actively trying to have sex before I managed to make her cum using my fingers last month (it was the first time she didnt get off herself). I am not on HRT cause I live in fuckass reactionary hellhole that would murder me for it and exclude me legally and I dont mind PIV, so we have done it a few times, and each time it felt good for her but overwhelming and in the end painful to the point she didnt want to do penetrative whatsoever anymore so we havent. Because of other outside circumstances we barely have been having sex at all and it just sucks feels like any progress we did is just undoing/gone. It just seems so easy for everyone else while for me it’s always been shit. I’m always paranoid of hurting her and feel like a bad person. And that I should do better. I dont have anyone to talk to about this, other than her cause we are very good at communication, that’s not an issue. She also has chronic pain and is potentially disabled so that might factor in, though most of this was before the onset of the worse stuff. Idk it’s just so bad to the point it’s eating at me cause I should be able to fuck cause we both enjoy it but then somehow we/I fuck up and it hurts or etc. I cant give head cause well at one point shes oversensitive and it begins hurting her, penetration hurts her too much, or I hurt her legs if I keep them up. It’s so tiresome we stopped actively having sex and are regressing I think, cause we both have trauma before we met eachother. We both also have problems expressing desire, her even moreso than me; so even if she wants me physically she never says it and I want her to say it but she has a lot of religious trauma and etc. Sorry this was too big of a rant, just had to get this off my chest :/ I hate feeling so incompetent. I think we both need couples sex therapy and proper resources for prep but we’re too poor to go to therapy anyways
sex stuff
Have you tried clitoral stimulation with toys? That can be a really powerful tool for someone with a vulva who has trouble with penetration. My partner really likes the ones that sortof form a seal around and “suck” but there are also many kinds of small, discrete vibes too. The big thing is that your partner could be in control of that part so there would be less anxiety about something hurting her.
There is a condition called vaginismus that can cause pain during penetration, it is often caused by trauma and it can take a lot of work to improve. My partner has trauma from SA in the past and the big thing that helps her is to be in control, especially in the beginning while everything’s getting into the mood.
Good luck comrade.
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Yeah we did use two types of vibrators and they work well! Most of the time, sometimes she gets oversensitive quick and/or overstimulated with them, depends.
I did not hear of vaginismus, I talked to her and well she matches this like 100%. Thank you a lot for telling me! We’re very grateful. My partner does not have any SA trauma but a very religious upbringing and such. Thanks again!!