I forgot that it’s my mega week so no big info dump this time. Instead I bring a question: how do you practice gender self-care? Do you have any activities or rituals that make you feel more comfortable in your gender? Painting my nails and taking care of my hair are the most consistent ones. These shouldn’t even be considered gendered activities by society, but I missed out on having long hair and painted nails when I was younger because of my assigned gender, so doing them now feels validating and gives me confidence.
Join our public Matrix server!
https://rentry.co/tracha#tracha-rooms
As a reminder, please do not discuss current struggle sessions in the mega. We want this to be a little oasis for all of us and the best way to do that is not to feed into existing conflict on the site.
Also, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It’s for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
spoiler
Me for the past 6 years
What’s the next step for you?
Decide what I actually want for my body and my gender identity, and face the consequences if my partner can’t handle it. I guess.
(This will probably take another 6 years)
I was in a situation where I wasn’t transitioning “to spare my partner” is what I would tell myself. Rapid fire 6 months of the most effective therapy I’ve ever participated in:
And then in retrospect, despite some initial bumpiness and thanks to some consequent couples therapy, any initial negativity has been replaced by genuine acceptance and enthusiasm. And I found that despite that, I still had the hesitancy to put effort into my transition. The hesitancy I think for me comes from a place of internalized transphobia more than anything.
I’m not saying any of this is a one-to-one fit for you but’s it’s my experience and what you said reminded me of it.
They are accusing me of attenpting to copy them, and that I’m only feeling this way because of societal expectations for men, and I’m just running away
I also got the “societal expectations for men” thing from my partner for a while. That must be so invalidating to hear. Your partner is trans then if I’m understanding correctly?
Nonbinary afab, no interest in physical transition
It sounds like waiting 6 years has not been an effective strategy for you - maybe you should try making some small changes and see how you feel about them. A month of HRT, for example. Some makeup to make your face more masculine or feminine. New name and pronouns. Things of this nature.
Some of the most life changing advise I got was that the effects of estrogen are reversible for months, but you’ll start to feel psychological effects within weeks. I felt them within days, easily. Like just the idea that HRT was something you could experiment with rather than something that had the finality of a definite decision.
That was an important part of it for me trying it out and I had similar experience with knowing it was for me way before any physical changes happened. Still knowing I would eventually take it to experiment was long separated from actually taking it because I was still worried about work and thought I’d save up for a couple more years just in case. Fortunately, some other stuff came up and I decided I’d be starting very soon.
I gotta say, having spent far too long in a relationship with someone who didn’t respect me for who I am, and speaking on behalf of everyone I know who has escaped a similar situation:
Whatever the consequences are, staying in the closet/tolerating the abuse any longer than you absolutely have to is so, so, so much worse than you think it might be. ::: spoiler abuse It took me a year to escape once I had my mind made up for good. I’d known on some level I needed to get out for a few years before that but I was isolated from my friends and family. I tried to proceed in secret, things blew up anyways, and now a year out on the other side of it I finally have a life worth living. :::
Do whatever you have to do, for you. Transitioning will show you really quick who your friends really are and aren’t. Someone who loves you won’t demand you stay in the closet for them.