I seriously think there is a fundamental difference between male brains and female brains.
Every woman I’ve ever dated says their brain never stops. It’s just constant anxiety, and they keep thinking negative thoughts.
And at first when I was a teenager, I’d ask “why don’t you just turn your brain off?”
But I’d always get the same response. “MY BRAIN CAN’T TURN OFF!!! IT NEVER ENDS!!!” and I also notice they don’t get restful sleep.
Whereas I just flip a switch, and it’s like silence in my head. When I’m ready to unwind, I just flip my brain off, and all my worries, all my anxiety, all my stress, all my thoughts…gone.
It doesn’t solve any of those problems, but my brain is just like a test pattern until I’m ready to start thinking again.
I’m male and definitely in the “I CANT TURN MY BRAIN OFF IT NEVER STOPS” category. I’ve also definitely met a few women who are able to just tune things out.
Perhaps you just have a thing for women with ADHD/Anxiety
I don’t think it’s an inherently gendered thing, as others have said; though I do think that western society definitely “allows” men to turn their brains off more than it allows women to.
For instance, I like to just turn my brain off while I’m on a walk; but women can’t really do that as they have to be doing constant threat assessment on every man who comes into their field of vision. Over time that sort of thing compounds and trains men that it’s ok to just not think while they’re out and about, while it trains women that they have to have constant awareness.
Another thing is that a women who doesn’t appear to be preoccupied or busy is usually branded as an “airhead” in popular culture, while a man who seems similarly relaxed is called a “thinker.” Another thing that compounds and trains men that we’re allowed to think, but women have to worry.
Also worth noting, women are typically put in the position of caring for others; meaning that their mental consideration (and thus their anxiety) has to grow to encompass those under their care as well. Men, on the other hand, are often relegated to “breadwinner,” which means that they don’t have to think as much about children, aging relatives, etc. (think about the “fun dad/mean mom” archetype you see in commercials, sitcoms, and so forth). This is presented as the default for adult women in western society, which teaches young women from a young age that that’s how they have to act.
All of these combine and reinforce one another, and I think probably result in the gender disparity you’re talking about.
I’m also male and can’t shut off my brain. I don’t think it’s a gender thing directly but may be skewed to one side.
That said I like the idea that couples must end up at 100% somehow. Sometimes you had a hard day and can only contribute 10% and your partner has to make up the other 90. Sometimes they have a rough day and max out at 20 % and you gotta cover the other 80%. Issues arise when it’s 20+20 so you only get 40% coverage. Happiness can occur when your combined equals over 100 and you can use excess energy to see them smile .
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I seriously think there is a fundamental difference between male brains and female brains.
Every woman I’ve ever dated says their brain never stops. It’s just constant anxiety, and they keep thinking negative thoughts.
And at first when I was a teenager, I’d ask “why don’t you just turn your brain off?”
But I’d always get the same response. “MY BRAIN CAN’T TURN OFF!!! IT NEVER ENDS!!!” and I also notice they don’t get restful sleep.
Whereas I just flip a switch, and it’s like silence in my head. When I’m ready to unwind, I just flip my brain off, and all my worries, all my anxiety, all my stress, all my thoughts…gone.
It doesn’t solve any of those problems, but my brain is just like a test pattern until I’m ready to start thinking again.
I’m male and definitely in the “I CANT TURN MY BRAIN OFF IT NEVER STOPS” category. I’ve also definitely met a few women who are able to just tune things out.
Perhaps you just have a thing for women with ADHD/Anxiety
Fun things I’ve learned about myself
I don’t think it’s an inherently gendered thing, as others have said; though I do think that western society definitely “allows” men to turn their brains off more than it allows women to.
For instance, I like to just turn my brain off while I’m on a walk; but women can’t really do that as they have to be doing constant threat assessment on every man who comes into their field of vision. Over time that sort of thing compounds and trains men that it’s ok to just not think while they’re out and about, while it trains women that they have to have constant awareness.
Another thing is that a women who doesn’t appear to be preoccupied or busy is usually branded as an “airhead” in popular culture, while a man who seems similarly relaxed is called a “thinker.” Another thing that compounds and trains men that we’re allowed to think, but women have to worry.
Also worth noting, women are typically put in the position of caring for others; meaning that their mental consideration (and thus their anxiety) has to grow to encompass those under their care as well. Men, on the other hand, are often relegated to “breadwinner,” which means that they don’t have to think as much about children, aging relatives, etc. (think about the “fun dad/mean mom” archetype you see in commercials, sitcoms, and so forth). This is presented as the default for adult women in western society, which teaches young women from a young age that that’s how they have to act.
All of these combine and reinforce one another, and I think probably result in the gender disparity you’re talking about.
I’m a woman who can do that … for me it was a coping mechanism, and without it I’d never have made it.
Now, it’s just a useful skill that helps me cope with normal life :-)
I’m also male and can’t shut off my brain. I don’t think it’s a gender thing directly but may be skewed to one side.
That said I like the idea that couples must end up at 100% somehow. Sometimes you had a hard day and can only contribute 10% and your partner has to make up the other 90. Sometimes they have a rough day and max out at 20 % and you gotta cover the other 80%. Issues arise when it’s 20+20 so you only get 40% coverage. Happiness can occur when your combined equals over 100 and you can use excess energy to see them smile .