It’s a badly written article. Copy and pasting the whole thing in here seemed silly. Here are the money quotes.
I heard from people in Patel’s orbit and people he has met at public functions, who told me that it is not unusual for him to travel with a supply of personalized branded bourbon. The bottles bear the imprint of the Kentucky distillery Woodford Reserve, and are engraved with the words “kash patel fbi director,” as well as a rendering of an FBI shield. Surrounding the shield is a band of text featuring Patel’s director title and his favored spelling of his first name: ka$h.
An eagle holds the shield in its talons, along with the number 9, presumably a reference to Patel’s place in the history of FBI directors. In some cases, the 750-milliliter bottles bear Patel’s signature, with “#9” there as well. One such bottle popped up on an online auction site shortly after my story appeared, and The Atlantic later purchased it. (The person who sold it to us did not want to be named, but said that the bottle was a gift from Patel at an event in Las Vegas.)
Patel has given out bottles of his personalized whiskey to FBI staff as well as civilians he encounters in his duties, according to eight people, including current and former FBI and Department of Justice employees and others who are familiar with Patel’s distribution of the bottles. Most of them spoke on the condition of anonymity out of fear of reprisal.
https://www.theatlantic.com/politics/2026/05/kash-patel-fbi-bourbon/687066/
Archive sites aren’t working for me.
lol what a fucking loser.
in a normal society, this guy would be the third runner up salesman of the month at a certified pre-owned Acura near Atlantic City and only reach national profile due to body cam footage when arrested for public masturbation during a DUI stop at 10am on a Wednesday.
I feel a certain way about how spot on this is…
in a normal society…
I want to like that alternate universe where the general public doesn’t even know who Trump is to his chagrin*. He’s super-egotistic but he’s only a fairly successful Broadway producer who never has been able to produce or star on tv.
-–
* I like etymology but I’m dyslexic. With google’s help I got to “shagreen” which is a related word to chagrin. Chagrin’s etymology is: “melancholy” from French chagrin (noun), literally “rough skin, shagreen”.

[photo caption] An antique round box covered with pearl ray shagreen, ground down to produce a smooth, puzzle-like surface
Shagreen is a type of rawhide consisting of rough untanned skin, historically from a horse’s or onager’s back, or from shark or ray.
Surrounding the shield is a band of text featuring Patel’s director title and his favored spelling of his first name: ka$h.
“Of course it is buddy, you’re 12”
“Questions about my alcoholism have already been answered by my custom bottle of whiskey.”
why do i have 7 bottles of bourbon with me? hahaha! well, you see, it’s because i like to give them away, as gifts, you see. token souvenirs to friends while i’m traveling. i had them personalized to make it more believable. i mean, more personal. i mean, i’m definitely not planning to drink them all myself this week! shit! why did i say “this week” that was a totally unnecessary detail. anyway, here, have one. as a gift. but please don’t tell anyone i’m planning to give the rest of these away. i haven’t decided who to give them to, yet. but i will. very soon. anyway, good night!
I was a “haha my friends drank my liquor cabinet over the weekend what a party it was” guy
New conspiracy theory: Fascism was created by pawn brokers so they’d have more memorabilia to sell
“Nothing ever happens” gang in constant, behind-the-scenes struggle with “things must happen so we can sell trinkets about them” gang
Why have your name twice. Just have it on the logo. Dip shit
Tax money funding healthcare
Tax money funding this shit
Lol my man is getting personalized $35 bottles of whiskey
Very dissapointed in Earth First and other militants not having their shit together to do some cool stuff while the FBI is being run by such a clown.
Wish the Trump admin had more people like Kash Patel who are clearly just grifters abusing their powers to tick things off their bucket list and fewer people like Hegseth or Stephen Miller, actual Hitlerites with a Nazi agenda.
Love this guy. He is like some stoner movie fuckup.
he’s sending these to FBI terror watchlist guys. why do you think he wasn’t on the press gala assassin’s list??? 
low rent version of senators heaping gold on the army in Rome whenever a coup was going on lol
he was excluded by the guy who brought a gun to the WHCD because he’s the most dudes rock guy in the administration
Hegseth makes alcoholism look bad, Patel makes it look fun
New game: Drink it before Kash does
Whenever I see a photo of FBI director Kash Patel my first thought is “I want to drink him”


















