I recently asked this community how you experience dysporia, however it seemed like no one had the same “symptoms” that i am currently experiencing and Im not really sure what it is.
Currently it happens somewhat regularly that I feel like someone ripped a gigantic hole into my chest. It is this type of hole that cant be filled. It devinetively is caused by my quite big desire to be a woman. So becoming what i dream of is the only way of combating this. “The hole” (I named it the void) fluctuates quite a lot in intensity. sometimes its relatively small and on other days it feels like an flesh made nightmare that you cant escape. There are the feelings of needles punctuating my chest or the feeling of an iron ring, thats wrapped around my chest that i have to fight against with every breath. Whenever the void appears, it is guarded by this huge desire to transform into a woman.
Currently I dont really experience the typical symptoms of dysphoria (hating yourself/your body…). I only sometimes have it, that when i look into a mirror, that I cant really connect to the face staring back at me. This lack of obvious signs of dysphoria is the reason, why i am starting to think, that what I experiience is my bodys way of manifesting dysphoria.
Edit to save you the effort of typing:
I have devinetively come to the conclusion that I Am trans. I have accepted it and i am actively working towarda my transition, slow but steadily. You also dont have to recommend the Gender Dysphoria Bible, since I have already read it. I have also watched the video series about MTF folks by the transition channel. I am just absolutely confused what this is, that I Am experiencing. I will try to find a therapist.
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🤔 while it’s not exactly the same as symptoms I’ve had the feeling of something “stuck”, missing, inside of, or having to do with your chest being insanely uncomfortable in a weird almost out of body type way you’re describing is familiar to me 🤔
Minor movie spoilers for I Saw The TV Glow but it basically covers this exact feeling
You don’t need to hate yourself or your body to be transgender. If you think you’d be happier living as a woman, then you might be. When you feel happy about dressing or presenting as your true self, we call that gender euphoria, and it can sometimes be a more powerful feeling than dysphoria.
+1 to dysphoria not being necessary for diagnosis. Also, the way you might interpret your experiences can change, what wasn’t dysphoria before might become dysphoria in hindsight. It’s not always cut and dry or easy to discern.
Currently I dont really experience the typical symptoms of dysphoria (hating yourself/your body…).
They aren’t the typical symptoms of dysphoria. Dysphoria is commonly portrayed like that in media aimed at cis folk, and so it’s commonly seen that way, but I’m reality, it doesn’t typically manifest as hating yourself or your body.
It devinetively is caused by my quite big desire to be a woman
This is dysphoria
So becoming what i dream of is the only way of combating this
This is dysphoria
on other days it feels like an flesh made nightmare that you cant escape.
Dysphoria
Whenever the void appears, it is guarded by this huge desire to transform into a woman.
Dysphoria
that when i look into a mirror, that I cant really connect to the face staring back at me.
Dysphoria
This lack of obvious signs of dysphoria is the reason, why i am starting to think, that what I experiience is my bodys way of manifesting dysphoria.
Believe it or not, it’s almost a cliche how many trans folk describe their experiences of dysphoria, whilst simultaneously talking about how they don’t experience dysphoria.
I can’t tell you what your dysphoria means, and I can’t tell you who you are. What I can tell you though is that similar experiences to yours have been shared by many many trans folk before you.
OP I hope this is what you needed to hear. I spent a long time convincing myself that I must be cis, despite that pretending at manhood was making me miserable. It’s a long road to accepting that you’re “trans enough”, whatever that means to you.
a thousand times this ^
You should talk to a therapist, that is the best way to move forward with diagnosis and parsing what is going on.
Generally the rule of thumb is that if you want to be a woman but were assigned male at birth, that is sufficient to think you could be trans. Cis men don’t tend to wish to be women. (Read the Gender Dysphoria Bible for more detail.)
Finding a gender-affirming therapist who has worked with trans patients is not just a good idea for parsing your experiences and feelings, but also as a way to get the necessary letters and referrals for gender-affirming care in case that is relevant later.
EDIT: I should mention, repression can make you a very bad candidate for thinking through your own dysphoria - despite meeting diagnostic criteria extensively, before I realized I was trans I thought I fit none of them. A therapist with experience diagnosing gender dysphoria and working with a range of trans patients can help by providing an objective perspective. (As well as help rule out the unlikely possibility you aren’t trans.)
EDIT2: The Transition Channel video series, and in particular the video on Common Excuses to Avoid Transitioning are what caused me to finally confront the possibility that I really might be trans, and that was only after major life changes that finally allowed me to feel like I could admit these feelings and take them seriously as a kind of self-care.
Like someone else said, if you can see a therapist about this, that’s your best course of action. And a pro tip: If you don’t “vibe” with your therapist, it’s completely okay and recommended to find one that you do vibe with.
That being said, this sounds like anxiety. It sounds like it’s definitely being caused by gender dysphoria.
Dysmorphia is when your body feels wrong. It can cause dysphoria, but not all trans people experience it.
Gender dysphoria is not diagnosed by the symptoms. The determining factors are the desire for change, and the presence of some sort of distress or discomfort. The specifics of the discomfort that you experience are not part of it. If you want to change your gender, and have some amount of discomfort as a result, you have gender dysphoria. From reading your post, it sure sounds like it.
If you’re interested, I have included the diagnostic criteria for gender dysphoria and transsexualism from the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-5, and the World Health Organization’s ICD-10 respectively. If you go to a doctor they will almost assuredly be using one of these documents to determine if you can be diagnosed for it. They both require some amount distress or discomfort but give no details on what that distress or discomfort feels like or how it manifests.
DSM-5's Diagnostic criteria
Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 302.85 (F64.1)
A. A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least 6 months’ duration, as manifested by at least two of the following:
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A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
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A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics).
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A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender.
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A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
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A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
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A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender)
B. The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
ICD-10's Diagnostic Criteria for Transsexualism
F64.0
Transsexualism
A desire to live and be accepted as a member of the opposite sex, usually accompanied by a sense of discomfort with, or inappropriateness of, one’s anatomic sex and a wish to have hormonal treatment and surgery to make one’s body as congruent as possible with the preferred sex.
Diagnostic guidelines
For this diagnosis to be made, the transsexual identity should have been present persistently for at least 2 years, and must not be a symptom of another mental disorder, such as schizophrenia, or associated with any intersex, genetic, or sex chromosome abnormality.
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That is yeah, very good description of it. gender dysphoria
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I have a similar experience. In short, I feel like there was a hole that expanded more and more as time went by. At some point that hole was so large I couldn’t cover it anymore. That’s the moment I knew I was trans. I also experience mild dysphoria. Although I can sometimes have panic attacks from dysphoria, I rarely hate myself. I tend to focus on the positive like how HRT is rewiring me and changing my body.
For me The hole only appeared after I finally realised I’m trans.
