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RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to traingang@hexbear.netEnglish · 8 months ago

Yes

hexbear.net

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Yes

hexbear.net

RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to traingang@hexbear.netEnglish · 8 months ago
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  • ClimateChangeAnxiety@hexbear.net
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    8 months ago

    I agree that cars get given cop voice, but this particular example I’m not sure how you could reword that sentence. I think I would say “train derails after striking x” regardless of what the object was.

    Train derails after striking cow escaped from pasture. Train derails after striking fallen log.

    • ThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.net
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      8 months ago

      Active voice first.

      “A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”

      • RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.netOP
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        8 months ago

        I like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”

        • ThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.net
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          8 months ago

          Fair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.

    • sexywheat [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      8 months ago

      How about “negligent driver causes train derailment”

    • Orcocracy [comrade/them]@hexbear.net
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      8 months ago

      Train derailed by wayward car on tracks

      • ClimateChangeAnxiety@hexbear.net
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        8 months ago

        I like this one, “Train derailed by” I think is good, I don’t like the ones that start the sentence with the car. Even though the car is at fault, “Train derails” is the most important piece of information if you only came out with two words.

    • RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.netOP
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      8 months ago

      Train derails due to car crossing a red light

      Car crossing red light causes train derailment

    • buckykat [none/use name]@hexbear.net
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      8 months ago

      Driver derails train with foolish and careless driving

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