RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to traingang@hexbear.netEnglish · 2 years agoYeshexbear.netimagemessage-square28linkfedilinkarrow-up1227arrow-down11
arrow-up1226arrow-down1imageYeshexbear.netRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to traingang@hexbear.netEnglish · 2 years agomessage-square28linkfedilink
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg@hexbear.netdeleted by creatorlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up39·2 years agoActive voice first. “A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
minus-squareRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.netOPlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up22arrow-down1·2 years agoI like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg@hexbear.netdeleted by creatorlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up24·2 years agoFair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.
Active voice first.
“A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
I like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
Fair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.