RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to traingang@hexbear.netEnglish · 1 year agoYeshexbear.netimagemessage-square28linkfedilinkarrow-up1227arrow-down11
arrow-up1226arrow-down1imageYeshexbear.netRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to traingang@hexbear.netEnglish · 1 year agomessage-square28linkfedilink
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up39·1 year agoActive voice first. “A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
minus-squareRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.netOPlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up22arrow-down1·1 year agoI like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up24·1 year agoFair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.
Active voice first.
“A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
I like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
Fair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.