It’s now my one year “anniversary” of my psych med “journey”. I just feel so frustrated.
The providers always ask me how I’m doing and if I think X drug we are trying right now helps. I always have no fucking clue.
I keep a mood log and everything, but I cannot for the life of me discern any sort of pattern for any of these. One month will be fantastic and the next month will be so horrible and painful it’s like someone is boring a hole through my body with a branding iron.
My provider is having me take the GeneSight test to figure out if there is a particular option I should be trying. But I am just so exhausted with this that I’m considering the next med to be my final straw.
I do NOT have bipolar disorder. I do NOT have chronic low mood. I do NOT have lack of emotions. I do NOT have PTSD. I have periods of extreme, unbearable intensity with periods of normal in between. I have relational trauma. Since my issues are intermittent, I cannot for the life of me tell if I am ever helped by anything.
I am currently in an intensive DBT program. While it has been a lifesaver when I have “simple” problems, it does not touch the intense pain of others.
Some research I do seems to indicate my problem cannot be even minimally helped by meds, which is incredibly frustrating. I want even just a little bit of something to help reduce my pain. :(
How can I figure this out?
If your medication is not helping with the lows then you are not responding to that medication. You are NOT doing better. Sometimes finding the right medication is a years long journey, and sometimes what you think is the problem isn’t the problem at all - it is a symptom, not the cause.
I’ll reinforce my previous statements. Continue talking to your doctor and let them know that your medication is NOT working.
I pray that you find the medication that works for you sooner rather than later.
Thank you, friend. All the back and forth, med changing, etc. has been pretty exhausting this past year. I get frustrated for a bit and then I try again. Hoping they get the GeneSight test to me soon so I can take it, even though it is of dubious utility.