Thank you, friend. All the back and forth, med changing, etc. has been pretty exhausting this past year. I get frustrated for a bit and then I try again. Hoping they get the GeneSight test to me soon so I can take it, even though it is of dubious utility.

Antidepressants are one that I’ve tried, but I’ve been in different classes now.

I don’t need something to “make me happy”. I’m pretty good at that when I’m not having a rough go!

When I’m having a rough go, it feels so incredibly intense and painful, like someone is boring a hole through my body with a hot iron. I want it to help with these lows because it feels so incredibly intense and painful. When I am having a hard time, I’ll either physically have a hard time walking or I’ll do the opposite where I’m amped and trying not to jump into traffic.

I just want the intensity to be lowered a bit. It hasn’t been.

Where my mind has been at in all of this is that most psych meds seem to be little more than placebo. That is…UNLESS you have a severe “derangement” in brain function as with something like schizophrenia or bipolar 1, where very high doses of psychiatric medication are needed to have a strong effect.

But for the population outside of these said conditions, I just am not “getting it”.

My providers know all of this stuff about me. This is what I tell them. I am not hiding anything or not communicating.

One was honest with me straight up said “I’m sorry but I and your therapist seem to be unable to give you sufficient care”.

I have tried different providers. It has the same result. I explain the nature of my “symptoms” to them and keep logs.

Occasionally a friend will remark that I am “doing better”, but then I go right back to where I was before. Other times when people remark that I am “doing better”, it’s simply that I am better at hiding it from others for a period of time.

My issues are very episodic in nature which my providers are very aware of.

I have a crack in my windshield and I feel this energy right now

Yeah I have seen this picture repeatedly on the internet.

If this truly is the same person, would you really not be posting a more recent photo after all of these years?

I got an oil paint, brush, canvas, and easel set and used it once lmao

These are amazing. Where did they end up going?

I work a physical/tactile job in healthcare. My job won’t be in danger until robotics dramatically advance and cheapen. AI could conceptually do my job, but the physicality is missing. A lot of healthcare careers are this way. Not all of them are though, so be wise in your choice!

I’m really sorry, dude. I really wish corporations weren’t so soulless. :(

I do 100% feel this and do know that it often holds true.

But I’ve been dealing with a major episode of social rejection and abandonment from those who I felt fairly close to during a major life event. Happened over a span of several months last year culminating in the “climax” in early October before abruptly “ending”.

But I still struggle to move past it. I am even still friends with the people this happened with. We have a lot of good times, but things happen where it resurfaces and then it’s hard to get out of. :(

I’ve been in an intensive DBT program and while I have found it to be massively helpful for a lot of my base negative emotions, it doesn’t really touch this one much.

I’m honestly at a loss of how to begin to resolve this one. Does this part need a different type of therapy after my DBT program is done?

Really taking in and focusing on the sensations of a hot cup of coffee can do it for me. The smell, the taste, the warmth both from holding the mug and also when drinking it.

…yes, and? I don’t get what your comment is trying to get at. I’m sorry that I’m not an uber paranoid luddite. I use modern tech. The name is in jest.

I could for the longest time until I couldn’t. Then hr threatened to fire me over it.

I got one of those automatic litter robots recently and this is what I named it

Interesting. I didn’t hear this part. Do you have more on this backstory? I watched a video from chair girl, but she didn’t mention instigating anything. I mean I definitely wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to admit it lol.

She got fired for this video, unfortunately. :(

And then they never take it out of the packaging to even look at it.

I don’t get it either.

Not really related, but…

An interesting thing I was suggested to try in therapy when upset was to just stand outside in weather like this and physically focus on and notice the physical sensations on your body. It’s not something I’m obligated to do and I was given other ideas of things to try instead, but I thought it was a fun idea. Idk if I’d ever have the balls to do it but still lol.

If it’s not the work itself causing anxiety, then what is it about the transition that does?

What specifically about work are you anxious about? What kind of work do you do?