I had known this guy for years and he always had a like reddit 4chan adjacent side to him. Anyway I met someone online who was a little person and I was really into her. I told him and the first thing he did was make a joke about it instead of like congratulating me like a friend should.
Every time we’d talk and I’d bring her up he’d make jokes about her height. It was painful and it hurt. A couple years later we drifted apart and I haven’t talked to him since. I still think about that sore spot when I think back on our friendship.
Things didn’t work out between me and her since I was a drunk mess most of the time. But one thing I never disrespected her or thought less of her for being a little person. My first friend I ever had in life was my neighbor who is a little person, so seeing folks like that as normal people was second nature to me.
I need to bring this up with my therapist. Eventually she said we would dig into the people I was friends with over my life. All my friendships were kind of shitty. Just like love, I’ve never really had a “friend” in my life, just people who were there only when it was convenient for them.
This just popped into my brain and I wanted to vent.
Im sorry you didnt have any better friends.
ty yeah the only really real friend I’ve ever had was my neighbor who was a little person. She was never mean to me and she always wanted to play outside. Well one thing my therapist said was it’s never too late to actually have a friend so who knows maybe someday I will find a true one. I’d like to actually be in love with someone too, I mean truly, that’s yet to happen for me. My first girlfriend, I thought it was love, but looking back on it it was more me caring about someone and liking them, but not really love, if that makes sense?
Your therapist is right , Its never too late to meet someone who changes your life. I really hope you find someone you can connect with
Caring about and liking are what’s built to last. The Really Love thing is pretty unreliable in partner selection and is fleeting. Starting out without the oxytocin blast isnt necessarily bad.
Always gross when you find out someone you know is just chomping at the bit with eagerness at getting to dehumanise someone they think is an “acceptable target”. I have a lot of former friends like this, who seemed cool, then they got the opportunity to bunch down and oh boy did they punch down. Really eye opening to see how many people will stop seeing other people as human if they’re slightly outside their range of “acceptable.”
I’ve experienced this myself since becoming disabled, now I’m just seen as human trash by most of society. Humans haven’t evolved mentally at all, most of them are just pack animals who want to push the weaker members from the pack to conserve resources for themselves.
Sorry I’m late but congrats on your relationship and sorry it didn’t work out.
Thanks but this was years ago around like 2014 so it’s no worries. I do think about her from time to time tho.
🫂
I know that feeling. I have a childhood friend I used to be close with since we were 8, and so far I haven’t had formally cut off the friendship since I moved across the country a long time ago and we naturally drifted apart, so maintaining the friendship is mostly just chatting and being civil at a mutual friend’s wedding or spending an hour catching up every two years when I am home visiting family. But this guy went into the army and did a tour in Iraq, and once he got back home was very obviously newly racist against muslims/all MENA people and probably as some form of trauma response was intentionally trying to provoke arguments and fights with everyone all the time. Those things seemed to have gone away or gotten better now that he was out of the army longer, but his life is still a mess. He’s cheated on every partner he’s ever had, causing him to get divorced after about one year of marriage, and he still gets in bar fights despite being in his 30s now.
I am mostly still “friends” because of how little effort and contact it requires at this point, and I see myself as a positive influence since every time I have met up with him in person the last several years I seem to successfully talk him out of doing something stupid and often criminal. My brother put it best in that he’s one of these guys you have as a friend because of some shared history, but your lives and values have so thoroughly diverged that you wouldn’t get along if you were meeting each other for the first time now.
