What does that mean? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?
Update: You know I’ve watched/read enough stuff of trans people talking about themselves, and enough common sense, to realize that fantasizing about looking like a “nonpassing” trans woman and then getting a good bit of excited about said prospect is 👌not👌something👌cis👌men👌do👌
Could very possibly be a nonbinary trans woman, don’t have enough confidence to label myself as that right now though. Regardless I’m going to try and aim for that sort of look and see how I feel about it.
Edit: I don’t remember the post title, but it was on here and it was about a couple of women figuring out they’re women as part of their mid life crisis.
One of them (or maybe a few) mentioned being content living as a man, but still transitioning.
I already knew the “I knew since I was a child” thing doesn’t apply to all people, but I still wanted to give that post a shout out.
It means you should allow yourself to explore these feelings, remembering that you are allowed to act on them should you so desire. You are under no pressure to make a decision going one way or another.
If you want to ask questions about the experience I would be more than happy to answer them.
It means you should try some low stakes things out and pay attention to your feelings
That is a good point, I have kinda begun experimenting physically, although not by much (so far only by nail polish).
I’m going to try more physical stuff and see how that goes, although I do lack quite a bit of confidence lol. (I do kinda get that “I’m violating women’s spaces” type of feeling.)
I’m definitely going to explore the more abstract stuff first as that’s both way faster and I suspect my gender might, well, perhaps be a bit more abstract?
Nail polish is not good enough in my opinion. You need to try something that’s firmly outside the bounds of masculinity with no chance of plausible deniability. Abstract or concrete has less to do with it than whether the effect is strong enough for you to perceive it clearly.
I’m wearing a bra now.
I uh… I think I like it?
(Existential crisis noises)
Great stuff. Now if you still need further information you can do something like take it off and put it away or kobe it into the trash while paying attention to your feelings. If it makes you feel like shit to some extent, that’s also a strong affirmative sign for transfemininity in my opinion. How far you should go after this is up to you. Don’t be rash but don’t be overcautious either (society generally wants to make you overcautious.) If you want specific advice I am here for you of course.
Yeah I’m not going to throw it away, I just bought it and it was like $14 USD or something.
Thank you though! And I definitely will be trying the thing of not wearing it.
Well there you have it, not even willing to throw it out. Much to consider.
It could mean anything, give yourself permission to be weird and mysterious. We can draw conclusions about human behaviour in aggregate but the details of any individual experience are largely impenetrable.
You’re asking a brain to understand not just itself but the product of itself in its ever-changing environment.
If you’re happy there’s no need to stress out, if you’re unhappy change things, if you think you could be happier then experiment. We’re all figuring this shit out.
I’m in the same boat. If I had a magic button that instantly trans’d my gender I’d hit that shit a few times a week.
Most concisely, I’d call myself gender nonconformist but I have no major issues with my body. At least not to the point where I would feel like the cost of surgeries would be worth it.
I’ve played around with gender in terms of outfits and I’ve found feeling hot to be way more enticing than any femininity or masculinity.
I’m in the same boat. If I had a magic button that instantly trans’d my gender I’d hit that shit a few times a week.
There is a button btw, it’s on the end of a needle and you push it down every week and eventually you look girly. No one tells you this but you can take it slow and vibe out for a couple years while doing this. You don’t have to rush to do surgeries, transitioning isn’t a competition with defined goals and end points that are written in stone by the council of transgenders
You can literally just buy shit here and start doing it off the cuff
Maybe I’m lacking information but afaik that button is a one-way trip. A trip you can stop at any time but can’t exactly reverse (but correct me if I’m wrong).
TBH I did have an emotional crisis a few months ago and lurked the trans comm here, looking into DIY HRT and DIY electrolysis. At the end I decided I’d miss being a man so It wouldn’t be worth it. But I’ll bite because I’m still curious:
What would I get out of HRT? I’m very hairy with full facial hair and in my 30s.
what you are describing sounds a lot like a mode i was in for close to two decades. thankfully self-report became a thing and i was able to start HRT that way.
i was never big into pursuing surgeries (or subjecting myself to the medical system/cis doctors in general). however, getting on injections specifically had a huge impact on my mood and was pretty low impact all things considered.
pre-transition i didn’t have a lot of other body issues, but i had coarse wirey facial hair and it always kinda felt like body horror. like i could make it look good and would lean into gender non-conformity, but the shadow when i shaved always made me feel a certain way.
eventually it got to me and i decided to start a protracted people’s war on hair. i spent a solid 2-3 years going to a electrology/laser school for (very) discounted treatments from students.
i’ve been finding i actually grew to appreciate the process and routine with small, incremental improvements. between that and the doctor visits for bloodwork, breaking down something that once felt insurmountable into scheduled parts of my everyday life has been really empowering.
I’m pretty hairy and have a growing collection of tattoos so I’d have to do electrolysis. Going to a school for cheaper treatment is a great idea if I can find one in-town. Getting all my body hair would probably take years. tbh I don’t hate most of it but there are a few spots I wouldn’t mind getting taken care of.
Also can you elaborate on the mood stuff?
the place i go is a pretty long commute but thankfully close to where i work. it is a long process, its taken me a solid 3 years to almost entirely clear my face and body. that said being on HRT at the same time is great for that because suppressed testosterone makes the hair removal much more persistent.
as for mood stuff, i was very good at appearing happy in the customer service mode of things, whatever i needed to perform at work. in hindsight i was actually really depressed and in denial about it. i was very much going through the motions of what people would expect of me socially and would do things like bury myself in my work, come home and drink, play video games, sleep and repeat. that went on for like 10 years.
eventually after i ended up leaving that job i realized that some of the dread was that i was very much not happy with the state of the world and resolved to touch grass doing local organizing. that led me to meeting a bunch of cool trans comrades and deciding to just take the plunge on HRT when it finally sunk in that i could just… start it by making an appointment.
i ended up quitting alcohol around the time i started hrt because i was worried about the effects on my liver. that turned out to be irrelevant as i switched to shots, but after that point i felt way less of an impulse to drink and its absence was huge for my overall mood.
it’s hard to describe, but i ‘feel’ things a lot more now and have found it easier to engage with emotions as a result. now i find that i’m more motivated overall and it’s become easier to cry about, process, and find ways to work past things that have been in my way.
before i might have felt much more inclined to drown out feelings or events i don’t like with alcohol.
Most concisely, I’d call myself gender nonconformist but I have no major issues with my body. At least not to the point where I would feel like the cost of surgeries would be worth it
Have you considered just hrt if your worried about the cost of surgeries? You might be surprised at how far hrt alone can take you.
Where would it take me? I don’t see it as something that would bring me emotional wellbeing (though it’s possible) and I’m not sure if the physical aesthetics would work out how I’d like given my age (30s) and body hair.
Its very good that your considering the emotional side of but your worried too much about both age and body hair. Im not sure about the numbers but 30 is close to average to my knowledge and hrt should help with the body hair situation. Its something to keep in mind. Always remember that you can stop hrt if it isn’t working for you and it takes a while for non reversable effects to happen.
Personally I’d probably hit it a few times, figure myself out, and then settle somewhere.
Preferable one of the buttons that changes everything except genitals.
I’ve read into stuff about the vagina and listened to people who have them talk about it.
NOOOOOOO THANK YOU! I’ll try the estrogen and stuff, but keep that horrific menstruation crap most of us primates are cursed with far FAR away from me.
(And into China’s medical industry or something. All of you who deal with that all deserve way better.)
Gender is a fuck. Or something.
Explore your feelings. Maybe you’ll find you are actually a trans woman (and had gender dysphoria you didn’t recognize). Or maybe you’re more gender fluid. Or maybe you are just fine being as you are now. Who knows (well hopefully you in the future)
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If you’re wondering why you dont experience dysphoria, as far as I know, you dont need to experience dysphoria to be trans. Some people experience it, while others don’t.
Personally, I’m pretty sure I’m trans, but I experience virtually no dysphoria or discomfort with being a cis-het dude or simply living my life as a guy.
I suppose it’s true that many people place a lot of emphasis on dysphoria as a major indicator of being trans. However, from my limited understanding, there’s more to it than that.
There are plenty of trans people on Hexbear who are probably better equipped to answer your questions than I am, though.
Good points! I want to add that some trans people dont notice gender dysphoria until after they start to do gender affirming stuff. Its the same principle as “I didnt notice how tired I was until I sat down”.
I assume I would experience dysphoria if I seriously tried to transition, simply because I would suddenly start caring about shit ike passing, which I currently don’t.
I have a hard time imagining myself being happier living as a trans person. It just sounds incredibly challenging and difficult.
I am aware of the dysphoria thing, but I think the bigger issue is that when confronted with the idea of staying male or realizing I’m female my own emotional reactions are kinda… Mild?
I’d expect myself to have stronger emotions about this but… Idk.
I’m like… Fine with either option?
I did have a questioning session a few months back where I wondered if I was agender.
I am agender and this was basically how I felt about it. When confronted with the question of how my life would be different in a different body, all of my answers had to do with how other people would treat me differently (and how I would be different because of that) and nothing self-motivated.
Do you normally feel… I’m not sure I want to say intense, but certainly not “mild” emotions?
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Oh I can definitely feel strong emotions!
Mostly irritation (I’m just like that) but emotional things do often move me.
That’s good to hear.
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Maybe your nonbinary? Maybe your bi-gender? Maybe you want to be considered a woman but look the same? Lot of possibilities and sadly you’ll have to figure that out on your own. But you are not weird or abnormal for those feelings.
You know if I do end up being a woman, I think I’d go for a bit of the “nonpassing” look. A lot of “nonpassing” trans women just look absolutely fabulous, so I’d like to look like that!
And even if I’m not a woman, I still suspect I’m still some flavor of non binary.
I wish you luck on your journey! It’s scary at times but it’s a fun one!
Thanks!
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I feel you
You can both be women.
being a woman is work. I hate work
Being a woman is a lot of work. Being trans is even more work on top of that.
That’s why I’ve just given up.
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It’s never too late to transition. Unless you’re dead, in which case it is too late.
But even still figure stuff out NOW. You don’t want to put that sort of stuff off.
You don’t have to know how to describe your “gender identity”. Words are often not perfect for describing your identity and feelings anyways. You can also think of it this way: is there anything you’d like to change about your presentation, which would make you feel more comfortable or happy with your body? Can be anything, like hrt, body hair removal or different clothing. If there’s anything that comes to mind, and it makes you slightly excited (it’s normal to feel fear at the same time) you can just do it. After a while you can reflect again, and do other changes. Doing that, you might even start to understand your identity better.
content with yourself but also a woman? Why not! Women can do anything! :)
Dysphoria is not a requirement to bei trans
Yes I know.
My apologies. Carry on then
I needed to hear that so thank you
