Source: https://mastodon.neilzone.co.uk/@neil/117201000187721159
transcript
Neil Brown @neil@mastodon.neilzone.co.uk
# Email from AliExpress:
Your parcel has moved two centimetres to the right. We will update you as soon as it moves.
# Another email from AliExpress:
It has moved! Your parcel has moved another two centimetres to the right.
# Email from UK parcel delivery company:
We have your parcel. It is probably somewhere in the UK, between arrival and departure. At some point, we will chuck it in your general direction. Your driver’s name will be Ethan.
Sep 02, 2026, 10:35 AM
It’s gone
I’ve been in Perry Hall! Even hiked along Gunpowder River.
Next time you are there, you might have to check the creek. You never know what you may find. (Probably fish, maybe trash… possibly a pair of new in box headphones in an abandoned box… who knows it’s a surprise!)
One of the first times I went there, I had recently started experimenting (to a very mild degree) with fashion. In this case, I was trying out wearing sort of a chain necklace. Unfortunately, while I was swimming, it broke and fell off, so I figured it to be lost forever.
The next year, I came back to swim in the same spot, having completely forgotten the necklace, but was very pleased to discover it had gotten lodged under a rock and thus not traveled far at all from where I originally lost it.
Amazon shipping updates:
Package left center
Package arrived at center
Package left center
Package is out for delivery
Package is 10 stops away
Package is delayed
You didn’t get it yet? Man, that’s a bummer. Give it like 4 days and then you might be allowed to open a ticket.Here’s a picture of your driver’s shoes to “prove” we “delivered” the package.
Being in the EU and buying something from the UK:
click buy
5 hours later: “Your package has arrived at the UK distribution centre. We will email you again when it is en route to your country.”
A month later: “Your package has been shipped.”
The next day: “Your package has arrived at your country’s depot and will be delivered today.”
3 hours later: “Your package has been delivered.”
Every time you order anything from Amazon it all seems to come from a distribution center in France. Even though there is a distribution center in the UK, they never seem to actually use it. I think it’s just there for decoration to make Reading seems likely more interesting of a place.
it gets funnier when distribution centers are destroyed by drones and missiles and you get letters about your package status going from “the center is busted, the package is likely probably gone” to “lucky you, we found it! but it is a chunk of coal. But we found it!”
Yes that’s a universal experience I’m sure we can all relate to.
just wait a little.
I bought 5 things from a seller on ebay and for some reason they decided to send them in individual packages. All 5 arrived at the depot, 20 minutes from my house at the same time and they then sat there for a week. I then proceeded to have 1 arrive per day over 5 days.
Well done evri, you are idiots.
You got your packages though, that’s first class service from EvRi, normally they end up in a hedge.
Evri? Well, that explains it.
Meanwhile, when you order from Wish you will receive no order updates whatsoever. But they’ll send an email after three months asking you if by any chance your package happened to show up.
Literally today I got an update from Alibaba telling me the actual flight number of my shipment including the departure and landing time of the flight. Canada Post also sent me an update today saying my package was redirected due to a processing error and that there is a possible delay.
