For me the anger remains but the target disappears. Instead I end up over reacting randomly to situations or people where it isn’t called for due to pent up feelings. I can never articulate it nor explain myself and even if I could it wouldn’t matter. ADHD is lifetime loneliness.
Meanwhile I’m autistic so I remember every single grudge I have and why I have it
I don’t get to do anything with those grudges but they’re there, sitting idle, waiting for the right moment to pull them out of storage
Well shit… I’m was in the same boat. Guess I’m a terrible person after all.
You can still be a good person. Forgetting and letting go are not the same thing.
Absolutely! and the even worse part is that you can go for years not even thinking about the person that wronged you. Then one day something reminds you of them and the ADHD brain will speed load everything they did to you in a second. When that turns you into a rage filled, barely coherent, crashing out, panicking mad person everyone around you is like “woah there… what’s wrong with you?! You’re acting really crazy right now… Yikes”. That’s a reallly lonely feeling. The only person who doesn’t do that is my wife because she knows what’s happening and is really good at talking me down from the ledge.
I have the opposite problem.
I’ll hold a grudge and then a few years later see the person and be like “I don’t remember why but I fuckin hate that guy and that’s good enough for me”
That’s how it works for me, I’ll retain the emotional content but not the specific details (good and bad). It’s weird but mostly seems to work well…? Sure has some flaws.
Relatedly, I have great instincts about people (IRL), what they are like internally, but cannot usually articulate to others how I reach those conclusions in a way that doesn’t sound insane. I just end up being right over time, almost always (if it were always, I’d just be lying to myself lmao). It seems like a similar thing to me internally but idk. Ring true for you too or not as much?
Same
It’s hard work to hold a grudge. The people I hold grudges against really deserve it. Can’t exactly remember what for though…
Same. I never forgive, but I do forget. So I end up having Dawi-style grudges against people and have no idea why I hate them. I just trust that past me knew what he was on about.
Past me is a patient and understanding person who doesn’t want future me to get taken advantage of again, so it’s best I trust him too
Past me is right often enough that I mostly just listen to them at this point.
meh. i could’ve given the Beatles a real listen earlier in life
My brain just remembers “good” or “bad”, rarely why
There’s a list in my head of restaurants I’ll never go back to, but the reasons why have been lost to
timememory dysfunction.
Except you don’t forget the feeling, then something similar happens again and you over react and you don’t know why.
And then you try to explain it but just can’t articulate it. It tends to make things worse; at least in my case.
I used to tell people I loved my partner because they were just genuinely kind and couldn’t stay mad at anyone. I realize with time that they just forget/can’t hold on to the why for anyone they aren’t regularly interacting with
You can be ignorant and want the best for everyone, or you can be ignorant and misanthropic.
I’m having a hard time picking out the difference between ADHD thought processes versus non-ADHD thought processes. I’ve experienced these thoughts and feelings from time to time. Maybe I’m just undiagnosed.
This isn’t on any list of ADHD traits, isn’t measured in any study on ADHD, and doesn’t have anything to do with ADHD at all.
But if you’re hanging out in an ADHD support group, that is a sign that you should talk to a professional.
You’re absolutely right but anecdotally I have several ADHD friends that have this symptom
My grudge is against the pointless capitalization.
I have anendophasia. I don’t really have an internal monologue but instead I verbalise my thoughts. But if I “speak” in my mind, it is more like an interview and speaking to someone.
With all that said, because I have anendophasia, I don’t really repeat in my mind many thoughts so i tend to be forgetful.
What sucks is when you have ADHD and you actually have something you hold a grudge over, your motherfucking attention will not allow you to forget that grudge.
It’ll be 18 years later and you’ll remember the time that thing happened and you’ll be pissed off as if it were happening right now, but it will be nothing but impotent, tear-inducing rage because you have no outlet for the frustration that still feels raw and fresh like it’s happening to you right now this very instant.
I was at a Braves and Cubs game in 1998. I was 8 years old. It was in Atlanta and I was Cubs fan. I think it was actually a playoff game. So, even though it was Atlanta there were a ton of cubs fans there. My family was from Chicago originally but had moved to Atlanta before I was born.
There was some basketball guy with a hoop strapped to his back. Braves themed etc. Idk why basketball at a baseball game but whatever.
There were some kids in line to try to get it in the basket. The dude had some mechanism on his back that moved the basket up and down and he was basically deciding if the kids made the shot or not. Idk if it was the “rigged” game that bothered me or my Chicago parents that indoctrinated me into being a toxic baseball fan. But, there were some adult cubs fans nearby. So I had an audience.
It was my turn. The guy with the basket on his back made some comment about my Cubs shirt. I don’t remember what it was. But it pissed my 8 year brain off enough. I threw the ball right in the dudes face. Paused for a moment to see his confused face recover from looking up for my shot to realize what happened. I said “Go Cubs go” in the most nonchalant way my an 8 year old kid could and walked away.
The drunk cubs fans nearby were busting out laughing. One even gave me a high five.
Today, I still fucking hate that guy with the rigged game that mocked my shirt while also feeling like I was a total dickhead at the same time.
“if I meet that mfer after the fall, I’m gonna run him over in a tank with a mine flail”
I don’t usually hold grudges for people who have wronged me, but I do remember if someone was annoying
I don’t know what kind i have, but its the kind that makes me create grudges quickly and hold them forever.
I don’t drink Snapple because they advertised on Rush Limbaugh radio 35 years ago.
I didn’t know Snapple sold silver supplements and/or male enhancement powders.
Is remembering the reason really required for holding a grudge?
I can do it fine without.
