I just dont see a point anymore, I applied to every IT role under the sun and nothing, IT was jut step down cause I grew up and realized, I had better chances of winning the lottery than getting a game Dev job, or hevk really any cs gig that did anything cool. I tried to make the best of that decision, now I’m realizing there is a very high likelyhood I just work at Walmart forever, and I’m like fuck that. My firnefs tell me thats okay everyone hates their job I need to grow the fuck up. Like dude what the actual fuck. Your telling me I’m gonna spend 40 hours week of my life, not be able to afford anything nice or even have time. And die alone at 70 fuck that. The second my parents die, I’m the literal second I get the call, buying a gun, and driving out in the middle of no where, eating my favorite food I bought on credit card and pulling the trigger. There ain’t nothing to live for, I’m autistic anti social, fuck this shit. I didn’t habe fun, the past 24 years have been shit. No one cares about me, fuck it. I’m done. I cried for the past 6 hours the only thought of joy I fucking had was blowing my brains out. To not have to do this fucking shit anymore. I fucking hating it. I hate myself too.
My life is the consequence of a previous-suicide, committed by a human-category-life that my soul/continuum had before this-life.
Universe recycles ALL energies contained in it, even meaning-energy.
Suicide means waking-up in another life, later, worse-off: all the karma one had on one, before, AND the karma of suicide on top, making things worse.
If you won’t believe that universe CONTAINS the meaning-energy in it, & that universe’s recycling of ALL energies contained in it, which is the magical-“reasoning” of the materialist/physicalists ( yes, if meaning *consistently alters the behavior of matter, then that ITSELF proves that meaning is physics-REAL, no matter what institutionalized making-believing believes-in ) …
if you won’t believe that universe contains, & will-recycle, you/your-meaning, then by all means make your future-someone’s life worse, & pretend that you’ve no responsibility for doing that…
Sorry to be gruff, but I’d rather people learn this through my mistakes than through millenia of their-own.
The problem, that the New Age types ignore/deny, is that karma can be gained through both yin and yang cause:
my soul/continuum wouldn’t believe that murder was in-universe-real, therefore it committed denial against murder, got in murder’s face, & … essentially pulled murder onto this-soul/continuum’s cycle. That is yin-acquiring-karma
some continuums/souls murder because they can’t believe that others are real, & therefore can’t believe that there are any consequences for them. That is yang-acquiring-karma.
BOTH acquire karma.
ALL the continuums/souls which, being unconscious/inexperienced/ignorant don’t believe that evil is real … are prone to getting in evil’s face, getting obliterated by evil, & then spending millenia climbing-up “Jacob’s Ladder” through universe’s recycling of their-continuum.
All the souls who were unable to believe that the inquisition or the 1000+ nazi extermination-camps, or the American Indian human-sacrifice-cults, or the holocausting of the Israelites described in Deuteronomy 20:17 ( “17 Rather you must destroy them completely — the Hitti, the Emori, the Kena‘ani, the P’rizi, the Hivi and the Y’vusi — as Adonai your God has ordered you;” CJB version ), or the holocaustings in Asia, or in Africa, or between non-Jewish Semitic peoples ( Arabs included ), or by the Romans … all the souls who were unable-to-believe that that is in-universe-real, & go get themselves caught in it … then have no alternative but to work-through what they got themselves caught-in.
It can’t be avoided.
It’s like the endless-stream-of-universes is a special trap which entraps ignorant-souls especially-well…
But, exactly as both Hindus & Buddhas have explained: it is entirely possible to harness/yoga one’s mind, & to evolve one’s mind until nothing in the outer-world is able to harm one, anymore: then one’s inner-wealth is sooo great, that one cannot ever be impoverished.
One has earned wealth that one can take with one then, see?
Please read the big-3 books by Elisabeth Haich ( who isn’t AwakeSoulist/Buddhist, as I am )
Haich gives more profound-psychology in her Tarot book, than I’ve ever found in any other book in Engish.
Please also read Huston Smith’s “World Religions”, to gain much better framing of human-meaning, life, & world, so you better understand that each branch of humankind specialized in 1 fraction of human-meaning, & each got deep-gift in that-branch’s meaning, but now we have to grow-up enough to understand that different individuals need different-branches, so your need may be matched by 1-specific-kind-of-religion, and that might not be the one you were born into…
Huston Smith doesn’t pull punches: his books give real intellectual-exercise.
( because I’d experienced soul-memories of other-kinds-of-lives, years earlier, & been forced to ditch the Abrahamic-religions because they were too dumbed-down to match the evidence that carved itself into me, I only read the Hindu, Buddhist, & Primal religion chapters in his book.
& those 3 chapters gave me sooo much leverage, that I outright recommend the book to anyone who’s got the mental-horsepower to earn that book’s meanings.
It changes one’s eyes, so one sees the world-of-human-meaning differently.
I now know that the Buddhists would be wise to understand the Primal religions’ key-understanding, as a means of removing ego/self…
only providing this extra-context so you understand that the gold in it from your perspective is going to be different from the gold in it from “my” perspective. : )
As Stephen R. Covey identified, in the important “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families”, you can’t always choose your circumstance, but you CAN choose how you are, inside, & that decides how your reaction-to circumstance is.
Some would say “what’s the point”, if one can’t be a professional-geek … ?
IF one can’t be a professional geek, well, that’s circumstance on one’s life.
Does that mean one can’t geek?
on one’s own…
?
For the 2-million-years before the IBM PC, personal geeking wasn’t really a thing, was it?
All the ones throughout our known history who couldn’t play with computers … all their lives unable to engage what we can do, now, easily.
Including the greatest programmer in history: Lady Ada of Lovelace ( no university, recursive calculus program, 1 century before computers worked ).
You’re responsible for your-continuum’s/soul’s future-condition/consequences.
Same as I’m responsible for mine’s.
I may not like it, I may hate my life most of the time, but that-context is non-negotiable.
& the well-below-thinking level of instinct-fear of the consequences of suiciding again … that is real.
I’ve nearly done it repeatedly, but always either that underlying-fear, or someone’s intervention, or “mere coincidence” intervened, to derail it.
So, I’m paying it forward by trying to get you to understand that universe isn’t escapable, now, before you make the same Eternity-damaging-mistake I did, in some previous life.
Sorry if I don’t reply to anybody’s reply-to-this, I’ve got 840 notifications on here, & I only live for insights/understandings, not for tangling-lives-together: I want out, & the ONLY out is earning my soul’s/continuum’s release-from-“me”, permanently:
making it OUTGROW this-kind-of-life, so apologies in advance.
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