The dating apps suck but they are widely used. I will give some advice about them, because from what I’ve seen people are bad at using them.
You don’t have to spend money on them.
Write good messages. Don’t use AI. Don’t use the same message copy-pasted. Ready their profile, and ask a question about it. If they’re doing it right, the stuff on their profile is stuff they want to talk about. If they say they love Star Trek, ask if they watched the new stuff.
If they reply competently (ie: not a one word answer, some spirit, ask you a question back), repeat once or twice, clear any deal breakers, and ask them out. Too many people fart around chatting on these apps for days and then are surprised they’re not getting dated. They’re being preempted by people who actually show up.
About deal breakers: be up front. Don’t hide stuff. What’s a deal breaker is subjective but things like having a kid already.
You will be rejected far more than not. That’s fine. Once you swipe yes or send a message, put them out of your mind. Keep going.
When you get on the date, ask questions. Don’t interrogate them. I’ve had some where it felt like a job interview where they quickly brought up and dropped topics. If you’re talking all about yourself and not giving them space, they’re not going to have any fun. Follow up on topics.
Ask for consent. If it’s going well, you can just ask to kiss them. Almost every person I’ve been with has said they appreciate that a lot more than the “oh things are happening uh oh” default.
About deal breakers: be up front. Don’t hide stuff. What’s a deal breaker is subjective but things like having a kid already.
In regards to this, if you put your deal breakers on your profile and they’re “young kids and dogs” 99.99999% of women will not be interested. I tested it and only after removing that stuff did I ever get likes and a small handful of replies.
Needless to say, 10 years later and I’m still single lol
If you literally put a line about dealbreakers in your main profile text, it can be quite offputting for the same reasons that the interview style dates are offputting.
Instead, write around the thing you want to say in a more positive way. For example: “I love to take sponteneous weekend trips. Where have you been last?”
It filters out most people with fixed responsibiltites like kids and dogs, while opening up a conversation.
Or: “Unfortunately I meed to carry an epipen for when a cute dog does get to close. Fortunately my cat can snuggle with me all day”. Again, you filter the people with dogs, but provide an opening to people who are still interested.
The other person’s reply about how you present it is pretty apt. There’s a big difference between “I have a shitty two-year old spawn I have to see on the weekends” and “I have joint custody with an amazing toddler. He loves the park and Legos, and so do I, so that works out”
But also imagine how you’d feel if you only found out the other person has some deal breaker for you after investing time and effort. Probably annoyed, right? Don’t hide stuff or assume you’re so great you can trivially change their world view, trauma, allergies, etc.
I guess it depends where you live. Unfortunately where I am women are literally obsessed with dogs, the vast majority of profiles start with some form of “I love my dog. I’ll steal your dog. Dogs are life. Live, love, dog.” then they move on to the rest of their profile. :(
I see those profiles but they are rare here, and it’s mostly people with tiny purse dogs. I own a 70lb lab. Basically no single women in my area own large dogs. Everyone woman I meet at the dog park is married.
Sometimes on dates I’m asked if I’d get rid of my dog and my cat. It’s horrible. And a few single women I met who had dogs… basically hated their dog and wanted to get rid of it. because TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL. 90% of my profiles in my area mention travel 2-3 times on their profile and all their photos are traveling. it’s insane.
My advice will be as a guy who does not date men.
The dating apps suck but they are widely used. I will give some advice about them, because from what I’ve seen people are bad at using them.
You don’t have to spend money on them.
Write good messages. Don’t use AI. Don’t use the same message copy-pasted. Ready their profile, and ask a question about it. If they’re doing it right, the stuff on their profile is stuff they want to talk about. If they say they love Star Trek, ask if they watched the new stuff.
If they reply competently (ie: not a one word answer, some spirit, ask you a question back), repeat once or twice, clear any deal breakers, and ask them out. Too many people fart around chatting on these apps for days and then are surprised they’re not getting dated. They’re being preempted by people who actually show up.
About deal breakers: be up front. Don’t hide stuff. What’s a deal breaker is subjective but things like having a kid already.
You will be rejected far more than not. That’s fine. Once you swipe yes or send a message, put them out of your mind. Keep going.
When you get on the date, ask questions. Don’t interrogate them. I’ve had some where it felt like a job interview where they quickly brought up and dropped topics. If you’re talking all about yourself and not giving them space, they’re not going to have any fun. Follow up on topics.
Ask for consent. If it’s going well, you can just ask to kiss them. Almost every person I’ve been with has said they appreciate that a lot more than the “oh things are happening uh oh” default.
That’s all I feel like typing now.
In regards to this, if you put your deal breakers on your profile and they’re “young kids and dogs” 99.99999% of women will not be interested. I tested it and only after removing that stuff did I ever get likes and a small handful of replies.
Needless to say, 10 years later and I’m still single lol
If you literally put a line about dealbreakers in your main profile text, it can be quite offputting for the same reasons that the interview style dates are offputting.
Instead, write around the thing you want to say in a more positive way. For example: “I love to take sponteneous weekend trips. Where have you been last?” It filters out most people with fixed responsibiltites like kids and dogs, while opening up a conversation.
Or: “Unfortunately I meed to carry an epipen for when a cute dog does get to close. Fortunately my cat can snuggle with me all day”. Again, you filter the people with dogs, but provide an opening to people who are still interested.
The other person’s reply about how you present it is pretty apt. There’s a big difference between “I have a shitty two-year old spawn I have to see on the weekends” and “I have joint custody with an amazing toddler. He loves the park and Legos, and so do I, so that works out”
But also imagine how you’d feel if you only found out the other person has some deal breaker for you after investing time and effort. Probably annoyed, right? Don’t hide stuff or assume you’re so great you can trivially change their world view, trauma, allergies, etc.
lol what. all i meet is women who hate kids and pets.
most women on city want to be DINKs and just travel non-stop. they have no interest in pets or family.
When I take my pets off my profile my matches SKYROCKET. it’s crazy.
I guess it depends where you live. Unfortunately where I am women are literally obsessed with dogs, the vast majority of profiles start with some form of “I love my dog. I’ll steal your dog. Dogs are life. Live, love, dog.” then they move on to the rest of their profile. :(
I see those profiles but they are rare here, and it’s mostly people with tiny purse dogs. I own a 70lb lab. Basically no single women in my area own large dogs. Everyone woman I meet at the dog park is married.
Sometimes on dates I’m asked if I’d get rid of my dog and my cat. It’s horrible. And a few single women I met who had dogs… basically hated their dog and wanted to get rid of it. because TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL. 90% of my profiles in my area mention travel 2-3 times on their profile and all their photos are traveling. it’s insane.