It’s tricky when you thought for years that they were a safe space and then it ends up not so much when push really comes to shove.

I think I had to find that the hard way, this really is solid advice.

avoid people that make you feel bad or anxious, sounds easy and obvious, but took time and courage to build up

For reasons that are a mystery to me, I grew up with a sister that did not like me and she was extreme manipulative towards me. I am the youngest child and my parents never took the time to understand me so I only had myself to turn to when dealing with my sister.

I was forced to learn from her bad examples of how to not treat other people. It was rough because learning from bad examples takes time. Time to understand the feelings involved. Time to figure out a better way to treat other people. Time to put those thoughts into a self maintaining habit. If I was learning good habits from good examples, I could skip straight to forming positive habits.

I say all this to say that I’ve been doing this for a long time now. I am quite good at spotting and avoiding certain people. Especially manipulative people. These days I find myself needing to question why I am avoiding a person because something inside me has already figured it out before I am able to put those feelings into words.

I an very thankful to have met some people who have shown they are good, safe people. It’s nice to have those examples to learn from.

Im better at it now than I used to be.

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Kinda bad as it depends on details and im really really bad at noticing details about people, but over time i can figure it out and then surround myself with toxic/negative/bad people as well. The toxic sludge just feels safer and more comfortable and it’s funnier to mess with them.