My name is Itzak, 37, from Bulgaria. I live in extreme loneliness and poverty. For six years I have not known a kiss, “I love you”, or a shared night with someone. I feel invisible.

Yet my soul still longs for real, pure love and humanity — not for money or sex, but for two souls that truly see each other.

If you are searching for deep connection too, I would be grateful if you read my story.

Full essay here:
https://medium.com/@momentum0089/letter-from-the-narrow-room-03ec173a5ca5

With hope and gratitude,

Itzak

Bulgaria

#loneliness #mentalhealth #trauma #seekingconnection #love #humanity

  • shyguyblue@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    6 days ago

    I see you dude… Born to narcissists and forced to raise myself and my younger brother.

    I’m so touch starved, that when a coworker came back after extended leave, I hugged her without even thinking. Just needed human contact, even if it was with someone I had only exchanged pleasantries with, until she had to “leave of absence” for a work injury. (Note: I’m gay as the rising sun, and she’s got grandkids older than me)

    As much as I don’t like to admit this; I’ve recently been “fantasizing” about petting a dog… Any dog, as long as they got that puppa belly I crave! My Buddy Boy of 14 years passed away last April, and I just can’t find a replacement for that puppa love. Isn’t that just fundamentally wrong? For a human being to actually close his eyes, and fantasize about tickling the tummy of a (preferably female, more belly!) dog, rather than try to form a relationship with someone else!?

    I don’t even fantasize about sex anymore. Hell, the last time I had sex, Obama was still president, and it was a random Grindr hookup; get in, get out, no emotional connection.

    I’m tempted as hell to look into “cuddle clubs”. Places where you get dressed up in pajamas and lay in a big cuddle pile. Most places I’ve heard/read/googled about have a strict “no nudity” and absolutely “no erections!”, but shit, at least it’s human contact…

    Edit: I can’t afford the hotel I’m living in, so my parents have to subsidize… My best advice: force every fiber-of-your-being into focusing on the positives. I’m trying, but to your point; it’s exhausting sometimes, and there are very few things available to you that will improve your mood more than a good cry. Go for it! Sob like a child that just dropped their ice cream! Scream your frustrations into a pillow! Back when i could afford therapy, the dude told me that those were perfectly acceptable as stop-gap coping mechanisms.

    Can you see if there are hobby groups around you that meet up and socialize? From my experience, any group that can come together under one hobby, will totally understand a quick “hi, I’ve got a little anxiety…”