What’s holding you back from being the person they’d date?
(Btw there is some good advice in that question that can help you identify what fears and procrastination that keeps you away from what you want to be, but there’s also a potential trap in determining your worth by external factors)
Yes also that, but reducing it to “they could be into anything, and there’s an equal chance just like everyone else that theyd be into me” is also a cognitive distortion right?
It’s a lot easier when you’re in a social circle where most people (regardless of gender or sexual orientation) are already like that.
I’ve lived in rural places where the dominant industry skews blue collar and less educated, and it was a bit harder to find my people in that kind of community. But I still found a good friend group in that environment. Dating scene was pretty abysmal, though, and I spent most of my time single.
I’ve also lived in places and contexts where it’s the opposite. There are university towns where most people in their late 20’s are grad students or faculty, lab towns with a disproportionate number of Ph.D wielding scientists, tech cities where software engineer seems to be the most common job, big cities where you’re running shoulders with people from all walks of life and employed in all sorts of industries, etc.
I’ve lived in a lot of these types of places and if you’re in the right environment (and you’re social enough to where you can make new friends easily), getting plugged into the right social group makes it easier to meet and date people who fit what you’re looking for.
I would love to meet somebody like that, but I always feel like they’d never date me.
What’s holding you back from being the person they’d date?
(Btw there is some good advice in that question that can help you identify what fears and procrastination that keeps you away from what you want to be, but there’s also a potential trap in determining your worth by external factors)
Well, the whole thing is premised on a cognitive distortion in the first place. I don’t know what kind of person they would date.
Yes also that, but reducing it to “they could be into anything, and there’s an equal chance just like everyone else that theyd be into me” is also a cognitive distortion right?
It’s a lot easier when you’re in a social circle where most people (regardless of gender or sexual orientation) are already like that.
I’ve lived in rural places where the dominant industry skews blue collar and less educated, and it was a bit harder to find my people in that kind of community. But I still found a good friend group in that environment. Dating scene was pretty abysmal, though, and I spent most of my time single.
I’ve also lived in places and contexts where it’s the opposite. There are university towns where most people in their late 20’s are grad students or faculty, lab towns with a disproportionate number of Ph.D wielding scientists, tech cities where software engineer seems to be the most common job, big cities where you’re running shoulders with people from all walks of life and employed in all sorts of industries, etc.
I’ve lived in a lot of these types of places and if you’re in the right environment (and you’re social enough to where you can make new friends easily), getting plugged into the right social group makes it easier to meet and date people who fit what you’re looking for.