Groening*

I was always a night owl. My best work and my thoughts are more clear at night. So what I did was I started working nights remotely in a different country.

Best decision ever.

I see so many ADHD memes, which I identify with, but I’m never sure, if it’s just because of other reasons.

Like, at night it’s me-time.
I have peace, no calls, everything I do feels like a treat, because I want to do it and I’m not feeling forced to do something, like during the day.
I’m usually productive, if I’m just left alone.
I’ll be learning and even producing faster, just because I’m not forced into it.
And after a unknown period of time, I’ll switch the project. But I wouldn’t have accomplished that much work, if I would have just been forced into it.

Going with the flow and all, but the flow feels more like a waterfall, that takes me with it - and I love it.

Now as pretending to be a functional adult, I can’t do this anymore, because all my energy is already sucked up with all the shit I have to accomplish, so even taking the trash out feels like a huge burden, and checking my bank account and doing taxes gives me panic attacks - although by now, I’ve got it somewhat under control to only feel very anxious

Amphetamines obviously work, because they give me the same feeling at the current task, as I would have alone at night with something I love.
But I know, I’m just tweaking myself into functioning and to be actually content with my life, I’d need the time to do whatever the fuck I currently want - sometimes just for a few hours, sometimes it would take weeks/months, where I’m only focused on that one thing.
During school I was able to pull all-nighters, but now that doesn’t work anymore.

I don’t know, what I really want to say with this post, but I just miss the times, when I was free to do my will…
And it seems ADHD people kinda get me

When do you sleep? When there’s nothing else needing done? When TF is that when you can see all the impeding things that others cam’t/don’t/won’t? 😅🫣