I gave up weed since I was a teenager. I have a very active inner monologue, my therapists have always said that I intellectualise everything, which isn’t a good thing. Weed smoking just makes my inner demons even louder, me more anxious, and the over analysing even more over done. Maybe it’ll be different because it’s been 20 years, and supposedly cannibis breeding has made strains that don’t make you paranoid???

NOPE

Thankfully I didn’t take bong rips like 18 year old me used to. (Do you all even still call them bong rips). Even just a couple of puffs brought back the old self hatred and paranoia.

The only good thing is that middle aged me is better at arguing against my inner demons than teenager me. My life sucks because this system sucks, not because I suck. Some people hate me because they’re materially comfortable descendants of settlers and colonisers who still take the side of empire in 2025. I’m lonely because this system is alienating AF.

I put on positive commie music for two hours and sang along, literally crying for much of it. I feel asleep to Columbo.

tldr: if weed made you paranoid at 18, it might still make you paranoid in your 40s.

  • came_apart_at_Kmart [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
    4·
    3 months ago

    I haven’t in a while (several months) under any circumstances, but for the last years of my weed-ing, really the only time I would do it was when I was doing certain yardwork or, more commonly, cleaning up around the house, basic chores, painting, or reorganizing a functional space. basically, any activity I have done a shitload of times to the point that it’s tedious normally. instead, I would rip it, put on some kinda chill jams, and just settle into the task and take my time like some kind of all-day craftsman so I wouldn’t rush. instead I would do it methodically and thoroughly, to my own benefit.

    I absolutely couldn’t and cannot just get high and do nothing at the onset. chilling would be more of a tapering off activity when the work is done, everything is put away, and I can just sit there and survey the splendor of my efforts with maybe a note pad to jot down next steps or any grand epiphanies.

    I used to think I was a weirdo for treating weed this way because my friends are all the type to just sink into the couch for an hour… but I’ve met my fair share of tradespeople who do the same. like maybe not an electrician (lol) but somebody who hangs drywall or paints or does hardscaping with like pavers. I’ve laid pavers while high, once all the planning, markers, and fundamentals are laid out and it becomes just slow and steady mule work. basically an activity where you know intuitively how to do it right, but the weed puts you in the “slow & smooth is fast” zone.

    also being high would keep my posture and body mechanics on my mind, so I would be a lot smarter about taking care of myself. protecting the back, stretching, staying hydrated, setting up fans/shade, etc. all those little extra steps to make the overall vibe of the task more pleasant in the process and not rushing to completion like I’m being paid by the hour by a corner cutting asshole.