I gave up weed since I was a teenager. I have a very active inner monologue, my therapists have always said that I intellectualise everything, which isn’t a good thing. Weed smoking just makes my inner demons even louder, me more anxious, and the over analysing even more over done. Maybe it’ll be different because it’s been 20 years, and supposedly cannibis breeding has made strains that don’t make you paranoid???
NOPE
Thankfully I didn’t take bong rips like 18 year old me used to. (Do you all even still call them bong rips). Even just a couple of puffs brought back the old self hatred and paranoia.
The only good thing is that middle aged me is better at arguing against my inner demons than teenager me. My life sucks because this system sucks, not because I suck. Some people hate me because they’re materially comfortable descendants of settlers and colonisers who still take the side of empire in 2025. I’m lonely because this system is alienating AF.
I put on positive commie music for two hours and sang along, literally crying for much of it. I feel asleep to Columbo.
tldr: if weed made you paranoid at 18, it might still make you paranoid in your 40s.
It extends to pretty much all other bodily perceptions as well. My theory is that weed makes me hyperfocus on my body, so every little feeling becomes intense. Weed doesn’t necessarily make me feel less pain, for example, it just makes the pain a different, interesting feeling that doesn’t bother me as much. So the thing is, I’ll go to the bathroom while high, do my thing, and I’ll still be noticing and inspecting the feeling of having just peed, like “am I still pissing?” “am I just focusing on the feeling of having a penis?” “am I just hyperfocusing on the fact that I have an ass, or did I just shit myself?” and so on lol this shit is why I’d rather smoke alone and watch some dumb shit and just laugh, which is my favorite part of being high.