It’s not ableism. Autism doesn’t give license to act in a way that makes coworkers uncomfortable. I guess I could use more careful language comrade but I’m sorry, I’m not gonna sanction acting like a creep because you’re autistic. Either ask someone out or find a dating pool where pining and stuff like that is acceptable. It’s not work and it’s not your org. Be professional.
I’ll say tho, sorry for the “Be normal” - I recognize that normalcy is contingent, but in the workplace being normal is about respect to your fellow worker. If you build up this relationship for months in your mind, the denouement is likely going to be toxic. While there’s places that can be fine, in a workplace you’re putting your coworker in a position where she/he has to decide if they want to keep seeing the person who has been carrying a torch for them every day or not. Yes there’s HR to smooth things over sometimes, but I think it’s still just unfair to you and the other person if you involve them in a long and twisty psychic obsession at a place they need to work at to pay rent, etc. we don’t live in communism where they can just get easily reassigned.
this also isn’t universal. i know plenty of femme peeps who dislike being asked out cold by people they barely know, it makes it feel like they can’t just Exist and that interest in them is purely based on physical attraction (because again, they hardly know the person), it feels closer to a boundary cross/sex pesty behavior than starting as friends in a low-to-no pressure way for them. different people are - shocker - different!! i’d also argue it’s actually less appropriate in the workplace or in organizing because it gives the impression that the ask-outer is just there for that, and particularly in the latter space femmes really do struggle to feel like they can just exist as serious participants.
also completely out of the question for, say, demisexual people as well, simply not how they’re wired.
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It’s not ableism. Autism doesn’t give license to act in a way that makes coworkers uncomfortable. I guess I could use more careful language comrade but I’m sorry, I’m not gonna sanction acting like a creep because you’re autistic. Either ask someone out or find a dating pool where pining and stuff like that is acceptable. It’s not work and it’s not your org. Be professional.
I’ll say tho, sorry for the “Be normal” - I recognize that normalcy is contingent, but in the workplace being normal is about respect to your fellow worker. If you build up this relationship for months in your mind, the denouement is likely going to be toxic. While there’s places that can be fine, in a workplace you’re putting your coworker in a position where she/he has to decide if they want to keep seeing the person who has been carrying a torch for them every day or not. Yes there’s HR to smooth things over sometimes, but I think it’s still just unfair to you and the other person if you involve them in a long and twisty psychic obsession at a place they need to work at to pay rent, etc. we don’t live in communism where they can just get easily reassigned.
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this also isn’t universal. i know plenty of femme peeps who dislike being asked out cold by people they barely know, it makes it feel like they can’t just Exist and that interest in them is purely based on physical attraction (because again, they hardly know the person), it feels closer to a boundary cross/sex pesty behavior than starting as friends in a low-to-no pressure way for them. different people are - shocker - different!! i’d also argue it’s actually less appropriate in the workplace or in organizing because it gives the impression that the ask-outer is just there for that, and particularly in the latter space femmes really do struggle to feel like they can just exist as serious participants.
also completely out of the question for, say, demisexual people as well, simply not how they’re wired.
It takes time and genuine chemistry to build up to the asking out part. Doing it purely based on looks is shallow and a sign you’ll burn out fast.
I actually agree on this point. Just flat asking someone out out of the blue can be just as creepy