I don’t want to be fooled or let myself get exploited. It doesn’t feel good.

This is the crux of your issue: you don’t want to be hurt, so you’re trying to logic your way out of love. If you maintain this reservation, you will never let down your guard and let others see you for who you really are.

No one can define love for you (it’s been tried for all of mankind, no one has succeeded). You define love for yourself.

Either you will allow yourself to be vulnerable around people you trust and have an affinity for, or you won’t.

Determining your path will take time and experimentation.

I think I loved about a dozen women relatively recently tho I haven’t even kissed them

Romantic love is always both ways. Crushes are normal and healthy, but no matter how strongly you feel, it ain’t nothing like when they wanna kiss you back.

When I was young I had anxiety about getting betrayed or abandoned. Well, all that came to pass, but what I didn’t know then was that I am perfectly capable of hurting people who care about me. These days, I regret the harm I did way more than what I suffered.

To the question in the title: No, you can’t. That’s actually a philosophical topic on free will. You can do what you want but you cannot will what you want.

You can gaslight yourself to some degree but that’s all.

As for the rest of your post: