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kluczyczka (she/her)

@ phr @discuss.tchncs.de

Posts
7
Comments
209
Joined
1 yr. ago

just hanging out here.

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • we are good. he probably just was with his new semi-regular grinder hook-up. ;)

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • argh! should've picked: małgorzata brzęczyszczykiewić :))

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • ty!

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • ty!

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • ty. i'm really super unhungry. but i'll make tea.

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • i am now pretty much stuck with it (the short form) there is no way i am doing this again, ever. at least no the public anouncement.

    i might come back to having a goth nsme. "hi, i'm misery, glad to meet you." :)

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • ok, no one thinks i am dumb for realising so late. (take that anxiety. you were wrong.)

    one friend kept awkwardly quiet. that might be a problem? usually he lives in his phone. we'll see.

  • i told my friends my name. am crying.

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  • not that, but there is a potential for calling me pretentious, if i decided, to put the long version in my passport. :)

  • Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone
    kluczyczka (she/her) @discuss.tchncs.de

    i told my friends my name. am crying.

  • What were the first outfits/pieces of clothing you got to feel more aligned with your gender?

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  • On the one hand, I feel it is my civic duty to get thigh-highs and that similar fabric to cover the the hands/arms, with a mini skirt and short top, taking a picture of my libreboot thinkpad with neofetch running. 😅

    i never did and probably never will. that's also why my code usually does not compile. i know.

    i started in waves. everytime i went to a shop and searched for a fit i'd wear as everyday-fit. in part even for work. something i felt comfy in. that gave me a lot of basics (plain skirts, shirts in a more fem cut ...), that i can then combine with more fancy stuff. some of my drag-fits are getting a second life that way. a bit toned down. ;)

  • I went out today full fem

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  • 🎉 that's great! show thrm all!

  • Guess I have boobs now

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  • lol. a friend of mine had one of his students (i know him too) run up to him in the institute, wearing a quasi-open shirt, pointing at his chest shouting: "look no boobs!"

    the joys of being trans :)

  • I need help... (I feel like I'm transphobic) (copied from lgbtq+ instance)

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  • a lot of people pointed out, that it is not other peoples beer to define you.

    i'd like to add: it might be helpfull to try out different expressions. are you happier when presenting fem? or masc? or do you find peace when expressing as neither (or both)? whatever that means in detail. does it change over time?

    i really had to deduce from that for years. back then i figuered i was probably enby. i didn't like being a man but also was afraid of identifiying as a women. i didn't even adopt the nb label, bc i felt like an intruder.

    only later i started to develop a feeling for myself. while still not sure where i'll end up. but def transfem! so i identified as that, when i found out. the exploration only intensified after that point, but it wouldn't have happened, had i not allowed myself to play around first. i also had a lot of internalised transphobia to overcome, to get to a point at which i allowed myself to want to express a certain way.

    so for me this holds true: doing gender > contemplating gender

  • My SRS application just got approved by my health insurance

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  • good luck! :)))

  • I'm considering HRT and have questions about HRT trials, reversibility, and older adulthood

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  • i didn't go on diy either (would've been faster... buuut something held me back).

    but since my uncertainties and questions weren't endocrinological in nature and they weren't about wether i wanted hrt, i figured i'd need more expiriences from other trans people. (what you are doing here) i pretended binarity at first, just to avoid questions i'd better discuss somewhere else.

    "lying to your doctors" to me and in the most general perspective and under ideal circumstances sounds like a bad idea. (someone else pointed at that too) but be honest about the dosage, side effects and genetic risks to your endo, not about your overthinking. ;)

    good luck! :)

  • I'm considering HRT and have questions about HRT trials, reversibility, and older adulthood

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  • i can only speak about uncertianty and "trial". i was in deep denial for years, while also finding opportunities to crossdress.i live in a queer community for almost 15yrs (am now mid 30s), so none of that was ever a problem. it was only the wedding of my closest friends (1.3 years ago), that pushed me over the edge. i felt ugly weeks in advance and couldn't find a fit for the occasion. i felt wrong in this highly gendered context (suits&dresses) i couldn't express myself, couldn't exist. even though i was surrounded by good (queer) friends. i realised a day or two later that if i had to play a role i wanted to play the fem part. i realised that i always disliked my male features. i actually thought that every guy i was with didn't desire me because of my male features but despite them. (i constructed heterosexual men out of gay guys)

    so. t had to be blocked (we are 2 days after the wedding, 2 a.m.) that wouldn't do a lot but prevent worse. also, having estrogen instead would be better for the bones. that was my initial thought. i framed it as a aesthetic neccessity. i would come to terms with having boobs more easily than with the beard in my face, and i survived that a long time.

    1-2 month in, i found that my mind worked better on e. anxiety and depression started to go down quickly. i was surprised, it did more than just change my look. now that there's visible breast growth i realised i really wanted that too. at this point they are still easily hidden/overlooked so i coud still stop. but i don't want to. i realised i needed them all my life to look more fem.

    i really only realised that, when i saw myself in the mirror 2.5 month on hrt. with a new fit. with my tiny breasts.

    try it. you might be just as surprised as i was. or just stop. :)

    i learned early to be careful with officials. "yes sir/ma'am i want all of these effects." i voiced my concerns only in transfem groups. none of them knew the notion of not looking forward to having breasts, but they understood that i could have a desire for femininity without knowing how i feel about having boobs. initially i didn't tell my therapist, even though he is trans himself. i feared anyone who had power over me would ever say something like "maybe you are not ready then". i wasn't ready for full feminity. but i was absolutely done with masculinity.

    IC-practioners shouldn't be a problem, yeah. but do they need to participate in your decision making?

  • learning to play an instrument on your own, but how/what?

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  • at this point, i might go for claves. no harmonics needed.

  • learning to play an instrument on your own, but how/what?

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  • yup i've read about the math behind this. thing is i do not know what any of that refers to in reality. it seems totally arbitrary to me. yet i am supposed to hear a 5th. (note that i studied the most abstract shit for years. abstraction is not my enemy.) my plan is to expose myself to this using any instrument, that's easy enough to learn, until i understand.

    i tried guitar now for a few days. rn i doubt this is gonna work out. my ellbow and shoulder hurt and i still get no fingerposition that works (i.e. enough pressure, on only one string per finger).

    keys are maybe the better choice since you can at least see the relations, and i dont have to wrap my arm around a stick but i doubt, that i will sit in front of a keyboard regularly after 8 hours of work ...

    idk i need to cry maybe.

  • Never understood this. If something foreign enters you your white blood cells go after it like a dog in heat, Would this not mean that our cells are smart enough to discern bad from good?

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  • don't give them nazis more ideas plz. they already have [gereric rationalization for their shit].

  • Feels more polite for sure.

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  • i love that!

  • No Stupid Questions @lemmy.world
    kluczyczka (she/her) @discuss.tchncs.de

    learning to play an instrument on your own, but how/what?

  • Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone
    kluczyczka (she/her) @discuss.tchncs.de

    HRT is great. (for me. and it's a bit scary. for me.)

  • Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone
    kluczyczka (she/her) @discuss.tchncs.de

    i feel like i didn't do my homework

  • linuxmemes @lemmy.world
    kluczyczka (she/her) @discuss.tchncs.de

    at least i found a reliable man

  • Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone
    kluczyczka (she/her) @discuss.tchncs.de

    The big frustration

  • ich_iel @feddit.org
    kluczyczka (she/her) @discuss.tchncs.de

    ich❓iel