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Ada

@ ada @lemmy.blahaj.zone

Posts
40
Comments
955
Joined
3 yr. ago

Admin of lemmy.blahaj.zone

I can also be found on the microblog fediverse at @ada@blahaj.zone or on matrix at @ada:chat.blahaj.zone

  • Locked

    If you found someone attractive, would you date them if you found out they were trans?

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  • To answer it seriously, for me, it's not specifically cis, but more broadly, queer. I need someone who has faced the assumptions that society forces on them and knows how to exist in the world anyway, having faced those assumptions, questioned them and found their own relationship with themselves.

    tl;dr I need people who have had to question who they are and find themselves, rather than someone who has never had to answer those questions.

  • Beware, another "wonderful" conservative instance to "free us" has appeared

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  • Instance binned!

  • Men can take their shirts off for hot days and exercise. Why can't women do the same in 2025?

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  • In my experience (as a trans woman who has experienced both sides of this coin), I can no longer get away with being topless in most situations. However, I can get away with wearing less in more situations. It's acceptable for me to wear a short cut, sleeveless tank top or boob tube in situations where it would be difficult for a guy to wear a singlet or other sleeveless top.

  • REMINDER: Check your NBN speeds after the weekend upgrade

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  • I was already on ultrafast, and never hit 50 during uploads in any case, so the upgrade hasn't made much difference to me

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    How effective is Laser Hair Removal? Should i expect that it will get rid of ALL of my facial hair? TIA

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  • I've got dark hair and white skin, and it took about a dozen or so treatments, and I'd say it got rid of 99.9% of my hair permanently. However, experience tells me most people don't get that level of effectiveness.

  • Help understanding video and image size restrictions

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  • We run our own custom image caching setup. I'll ask Kaity to look in to it and see what's going on

  • "Australians calling for restraint on immigration deserve to be heard without being caricatured by their federal government as divisive bigots" writes Nicholas Sheppard.

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  • I feel the the author is not completely wrong

    They are though. It's a sky news article, downplaying racism at a Nazi rally. There's no two sides to this...

  • France to sue Australian platform for 'negligence' after livestream death

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  • Just loose wording from me. What I was trying to say is that their vote count was actually higher this time around, not lower, but the increase was so small it was a rounding error on their overall percentage. The point being, their voterbase didn't go anywhere, but nor did they attract new folk.

  • France to sue Australian platform for 'negligence' after livestream death

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  • The greens got more votes in the last election than the one prior, and their overall percentage remained unchanged. The greens lost out because the liberals preferenced Labor over them, and so a large amount of the swing away from the liberals ended up in Labor's lap both directly and through preferences

  • Is at-home laser/electrolysis worth it? Does it work?

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  • YSK then that Piefed has a subscription feature

  • Google will require developer verification for Android apps outside the Play Store

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  • Yep, blahaj.zone admin :)

  • Google will require developer verification for Android apps outside the Play Store

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  • Sadly, it only runs on genuinely ancient smart phones. I can't even re-purpose my old pre-loved phones that I've kept after upgrading, because most of them are still too new for postmarketos

  • Removed

    Why is it so hard to see post on mastodon on kbin ? Can anyone see this out in the threadiverse?

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  • The term threadiverse to describe the "reddit like" fediverse network predates Zuckerbergs latest bigotry factory.

  • what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people?

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  • The instance stance is that we don't allow people to undermine other folks identities. Transmeds think they're doing the "right thing" for trans folk because they think that they're protecting the "real" trans folk. People who want to undermine non binary identities, people who want to undermine therian identities etc, people who want to undermine neopronoun users, will always have a reason for it, often based around acceptability in the eyes of broader cishet society.

    Just because you think there is a good reason to undermine those specific identities doesn't make it ok. You and I, and anyone else is not the arbiter of anyones identities except their own, and the moment you feel that you do get to have an opinion on the validity of someone elses identity, is the moment you have put yourself above them.

    There are absolutely trolls who will misuse this kind of acceptance. But even that doesn't make it ok for you or I to install ourselves as arbitrators of other folks identity. The answer to the trolls doesn't change just because they're trolling by bad faith use of identity. The answer still remains that you remove them when they're trolling becomes apparent. But on this instance, that removal is done in a way that doesn't empower folk looking for excuses to invalidate others.

  • what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people?

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  • I have complete aphantasia. No mental sounds, imagery, etc.

    But even so, I think I probably didn't word my reply as well as I could have.

    Stuff with genuine interpersonal interactions, with characters that have personality and feelings, that stuff I can read. But that's because it doesn't rely on the visual.

    But if the erotica is just a verbal description intended to help picture a scene, then it's not of any interest to me

  • what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people?

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  • So my intuition is wrong there, thanks

    Maybe, maybe not. Your own intuition about your experience of gender may not be wrong. There's not really any way to know. What we do know though is that at least some cis people have a strong sense of their own gender, that can cause dysphoria in certain circumstances.

  • what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people?

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  • So, much of gender is a social construct, but being a social construct doesn't stop it being real. Society has a bias towards a gender binary, and that creates the social context in which we come to understand and experience our own gender. These social frameworks creates the lens through which we learn to understand ourselves.

    Lets say I grew up on an island full of men. I had never seen or met a woman, and didn't have a concept of women. In that environment, my experience of gender would have been different. I'd still have experienced the discomfort, and disconnection, I'd still have experienced dysphoria, but it would have manifested very differently. I wouldn't have identified as a binary woman in a world without women, and I wouldn't have had the language to describe my experiences, but I'd still have had a discomfort I couldn't address, and I'd still have known that I was different to the men around me in ways I didn't have the language or the concepts to explore.

    But I didn't. I grew up in country town Australia in the 80s, when societies bias towards a gender binary was strong. And my own gender is binary too.

    I do sometimes wonder what my experience of my own gender would be like if I'd have grown up in a different context, if society allowed space for genders that don't have to fit a binary. Would I still be binary? The truth is, I don't know. But what I do know, is that my experience of my own gender does fit on the binary, and knowing that, and thinking about it doesn't change it, because however I got there, my gender isn't a choice. It's just who I am.

  • what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people?

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  • What I was getting at with saying I wouldn't be comfortable switching now, but I would have been fine born into

    David Reimer was forcefully transitioned as a child, when he was young enough to not remember. It created a lifetime of dysphoria for him, and he transitioned back to his birth gender as soon as he understood what had happened to him, and was able to.

  • what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people?

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  • But my experience with being cisgendered is one of feeling like my spirit would belong wherever it was born to

    The few cases we have of cis people being medically transitioned in some way without their consent suggest that this simply isn't the case, at least for many cis folk.

    Alan Turing and David Reimer are both examples of cis folk who were medically transitioned without their consent, one as an adult, one as a child, and both experienced severe dysphoria. They ultimately both took their own lives

  • what questions do you have but don't feel you can ask trans people?

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  • Femininity has nothing to do with my own experience of gender. I wasn't feminine before I transitioned, I'm not feminine afterwards.

    My very existence challenges gender stereotypes, and I wouldn't have it any other way