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Nefara

@ Nefara @lemmy.world

Posts
5
Comments
289
Joined
2 yr. ago

  • Should you look for a relationship if it feels like a compromise?

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  • It can be a healthy way to have a relationship as long as you're honest with your partners. Don't promise them the moon and eternal love. Don't lie about your intentions. Keep up with STD testing and use protection obviously.

    There are people out there looking for friends with benefits and are happy to find a regular partner who respects consent, takes feedback and is a known quantity. There are also aromantic people out there who are happy to have a purely physical relationship. There's someone for everyone. Finding that kind of relationship might have its challenges but the internet helps with that at least.

  • How many books have you read today?!?

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  • Two so far today, probably another three by the time I go to bed.

    Having a young kid is kind of cheating though 😁

  • me_irl

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  • When my 3 year old is in the bath, he likes to take a toy boat and press it into the water, solemnly intoning "down down down, to the bottom of the seeeeeea" as it sinks to the bottom of the tub.

  • What’s a piece of advice you got as a kid that still sticks with you?

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  • You won't be everyone's friend.

    Along with "don't chase after people who aren't interested" and "you don't like everybody, not everybody will like you".

    Genuinely has been so helpful to keep in mind every time I reach out to make connections but get ignored, brushed off or rejected. There will be people who reciprocate my friendship, who recognize my value and enjoy my company and I can use my energy on those relationships.

  • Give me a ten-word poem?

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  • Tanned arms, skinned knees, bug bitesSummer leaves its mark

  • Give me a ten-word poem?

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  • Be grateful, I tell myselfBut the longing doesn't listen

  • I also use Linux, can you tell?

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  • Thank you. I was a clothing flipper for a while, I was living in a relatively rural but well monied area and I got into it because the thrift stores there would have genuinely great stuff. It would sit on the racks at $7 or less for weeks, even through half price days. I have a good eye for quality, and so I started picking up things for a pittance and selling them online. My prices were less than half of original retail but still well above my original purchase price. I have a lot of fun combing through bins and racks and finding hidden gems, but it's not for everyone and not everyone knows what to look for. I would make minor repairs, remove scents, stains, and pet hair, and list things with descriptive keywords, clear pictures and measurements.

    I stopped when I moved to a place with much worse thrift stores (higher prices for less) but I still go and pick/shop for myself and my family. It was valid work, and I don't begrudge any clothing flipper their profits. It's just too competitive a business for the margin to be all that high.

  • Not stealing

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  • My kid just had a screaming fit with big fat tears rolling down his face because he reached the bottom of the stairs. The other day, he was howling crying because I had a different colored bowl than he did. I have indeed had to carry my kid out of a public space to go calm down. I do my best to be calm and empathetic to him but emotional regulation is something they grow into.

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  • This guy lives at Golden Corral in the middle of Oklahoma or something

  • what are the grievances with the "male loneliness epidemic"? [close this topic maybe?]

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  • You might not be identifying reasonable feminists then, because the "men are trash" ones are more visible. You're probably surrounded by feminists and encountering them all the time, but unless you're asking them their stance about reproductive rights or equality in parental leave or something else in conversation you wouldn't know it.

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    what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god?

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  • I imagine for OP it was a bit like picking up a salve for a rash in the pharmacy and realizing it says "homeopathic remedy" on the side.

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    what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god?

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  • I just picked up a book called Unfuck Your Boundaries. It's written by a trauma therapist but the style, if you can't guess from the title, is very casual and easy to read. I am still reading it, so I can't give a full review, but it's approachable and entertaining while covering the fundamentals.

    https://microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/books/8188

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    what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god?

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  • Faith in others or trust in others has absolutely nothing to do with thinking there's an invisible, ultra powerful person just chilling somewhere in space just because someone wrote a book about it 2000 years ago.

    Is the fear of hell or divine retribution the only thing keeping you from doing things that harm others? Yikes.

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    what books about personal boundaries do you know that don't mention god?

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  • Why do you fear Batman?

  • How on earth?

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  • Well, unless you live in Africa, they're an invasive species. Cats hunt and attack wildlife regardless of whether or not they are hungry, which was great for humans looking to keep mice out of the granary but not so great for songbirds in the modern era. They do immense harm to bird populations in general, but even if you don't care about that, why would you let it:

    Contract FIVGet into fights with other animals or catsGet hit by a carGet ticks and other parasitesEat poisonous plants or animalsGet wounded or eaten by predators

    When on the other hand you could just keep it inside and make sure it has enrichment. If your cat really is miserable without the outdoors, catios are a thing. Cats are pets, not prisoners, and as animals that are not native to the majority of the places they end up in, they are dependent on their humans to keep them safe and out of nature's way.

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  • I've had this kind of situation in my life, I helped out my mother around the house when I was young and home from school, and I took care of my grandmother when she needed someone in the house. I'm now a stay-at-home mom so I can say I genuinely do get the appeal.

    Here are some questions you should ask yourself though, and really consider your answers.

    What are your life goals? If you knew you were going to die in a month, what would be the first things that came to mind that you would be sad you didn't accomplish? Does your current path lead to these things?

    What is your plan for when your dad's current financial situation changes? If he loses his job or business, if he retires, do you have other means of making an independent income or other people in your life you could make similar arrangements with?

    Do you have any of your own income, money, or savings tucked away? If something happened between the two of you, do you have options to get out?

    What sort of preparation do you have for if something suddenly happened to your dad, like in the event of an accident or heart attack? Are you in his will? On the deed/lease? Do you have a joint bank account? Are you a beneficiary of his life insurance?

    Do you want a romantic relationship, partnership, or kids? If so, what steps are you taking to make that happen, and how would that fit in to your current situation?

    What sort of social or support network do you have? Do you have friends who would let you stay with them if you needed it? Do you have people in your life you can connect to and who will give you outside perspectives?

    Domesticity can be alluring because you're directly improving the lives of people you love, can make your own schedule, you're not selling your soul to a corporation etc, but it's extremely easy for the situation to go bad. There are so many ways people have been trapped, isolated, abused, or suddenly found themselves in changing circumstances that turn a good thing into a personal hell. Just the day to day of things can make a decade go by before you realize you never took that trip or learned that skill or made that thing.

    Don't just try to make your answers fit your current situation just because change is uncomfortable. If this lifestyle appeals to you there's nothing wrong with that, but make sure you have your own contingencies.

  • Target’s CEO is stepping down as customers turn away | CNN Business

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    What do you love the look of despite it being impractical, uncomfortable, or high maintenance?

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  • You'd have to, like, add a whole other layer to the inside or outside

    That is, actually what they do, by my understanding. If the house isn't brick, then when you need to replace the siding they will actually put an entirely new layer of sheathing on over the outside, something like Zip R that has poly-iso foam insulation and acts as an air barrier. They then can put siding back on that fits the original look of the house, hopefully using architectural elements and details that were saved from teardown.

    Another way is to go from the inside, and rip out the walls to the studs while saving trim pieces and put in new insulation and replace the horsehair plaster with drywall. Then you'll be dealing with special ordering non-standard modern double glazed windows in weird sizes, because if you wanted to use the standard window sizes you can't use your beautiful old growth mahogany trim pieces lovingly carved for your whacky leaky windows.

    The attic is often not that bad to insulate because there should be relatively few cut-ins and blown in cellulose can go everywhere, but then you miss out on your perfect gothic "Wednesday's room" unless you want to spend even more money trying to figure out how to get all of those turret towers and vaulting and weird rooflines into your envelope.

    So, it's possible, just prohibitively expensive

  • Considering move from SW to NE US

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  • I've lived in New England most of my life, and most other posters have covered the major points. One I would add is that the weather IS getting more extreme here, and we are now getting things like tornados and worse hurricanes. It's not anything like as bad as other places in the US but climate change is definitely effecting this area too. I would watch out for where you end up being a decent elevation, and give any bodies of water a good amount of space, no houses or apartments right on the edge of a river. There was an unprecedented flood that hit Leominster and Fitchburgh MA not long ago that shocked a lot of people because the region had never experienced something like it. That will probably be happening more often in the coming years.