Marat

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I think I have problems not doing things that are wrong that simultaneously don't hurt people.

I know that didn't come out well, I'll elaborate.

If it involves someone else who's alive, then I'm basically constantly trying the best way to make them happy. I'll try not to be rude, demeaning, etc. And I especially won't try to hurt them. I've had a thought that I would rather kill myself than do that to someone else (as counter productive as it can be, obviously). The only exception is the internet, but I try to be cordial when I can.

But...if it doesn't hurt someone else I turn into a big libertine. Like I used to cheat on tests in high-school [I dont now because it's impractical in college]. I know there's the kantian argument of "if everyone did it it'd be bad so no one should do it," but...idk

The thing is that i don't feel guilty. If I make someone feel bad or something I'll feel guilty for years. I had a friend who I treated poorly (long story, family trauma related) and I've still felt naturally guilty. But when I cheated on those tests I didn't feel naturally bad. My conscious brain tells me "that's wrong" but my emotional center just doesn't register it. Idk why. Maybe it's how I was brought up.

I know it's not exactly a good marxist way of thinking. But this is my conscious, logical part of me writing this. That instinctual part is just rolling their eyes at me and wondering why I'm taking it so seriously. I'm gonna talk to my therapist about this too.

Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 3d ago

Three body problem, I've been reading it lately and I regret not having done sooner.

Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 4d ago

It's interesting that this discussion on ceremony is so long standing. It was a source of debate between Confusious and Lao Zi. [Well, Confucianism and Daoism, since its possible Lao Tzi wasn't just one guy]

But yeah, I'm very glad i didn't grow up with those types of intrusive thoughts. I mean, even in secular organizations you have some of that, so a religous brainworm like that would definitely have caused even more mental health issues.

And also, as much as I obviously enjoy the order created [for the most part] by the papal system, the lack of debate and the abject superiority complex a lot of Christians have is very...annoying. I mean, I guess I get it cause talking to liberals makes me want to die sometimes, but I really wish that more would try to engage with me without saying I'm the devil incarnate or something. Simply discussing and debating is healthy for the brain.

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 4d ago

I wonder if I would've been religious or not if I had been exposed to it when I was younger. I think I'm probably better of having not been, but whenever i look at religion, especially catholicism [since part of my family are devout catholics] i always get a sense of what if. I feel like my personality would've been amenable to it [arguably it still is]

Edit: to elaborate, I like the sense of community, authority and rules. It's why I especially like catholicism...theoretically. In practice it's horrible. But compared to the horrible mess that is aggregate protestantism [Mormons, 7 day adventists, baptists, Jehovah's witnesses, anabaptists, megachurches, etc.] I like how there's a council of people who make decisions and says "x is real, y is not real" etc.

But i never liked going to events or being in suits as a kid so idk

Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 4d ago

I hope i get to go here and/or live here one day. It seems so cool and I love the food

Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 4d ago

Ah...I thought that was an exaggeration/joke in the post. Yeah that guy is horrible, I didn't mean to make fun of the situation

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 4d ago

Mmm, I'm not well versed enough on Christian theology or the social influence of Christianity as opposed to other world religions.

However I would say that if we are supposing Christian teachings are at play here, it would more likely be the Christian "reward for adversity and prayer" doctrine [I'm not sure what the proper name for this is].

I'm stealing this from a liberal show [the west wing] but I think it encapsulates the point we'll enough. "A man lives in an area plagued by storm. The man prays every day for safety. First, he hears on the radio that there is a storm coming and that he needs to evacuate, but he stays put and prays for God to protect him. Then, a fireman comes and tells him he needs to evacuate, but the man doesn't and says God will protect him. Then, as the storm approaches, a helicopter arrives and the man is once again implored to evacuate, and once again he says no because God will protect him. The storm comes and the man drowns. When he arrives in heaven he asks God 'Why didn't you save me?' And god replies 'I tried, I sent a radio broadcast, a fireman, and a helicopter.'"

I think it's more that kind of thinking that you're looking for rather than martyrdom

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 4d ago

I dont really understand how people just kinda...unconsciously move through life. "Politics" is one thing, i don't really get how people aren't thinking about their worldview daily. But even beyond that. Love, sex, drink, food, movies, games, etc. I'm not asking why people aren't like me [in that I have niche tastes like Switchel and Italian post modern novels] but...I suppose I don't understand why people aren't curious. They don't have to be curious in the same way as I am, but I just don't understand how someone can "just" do something. "Just" read shlock novels and "just" cook the food you've eaten youre whole life, "just" play madden or call of duty, etc.

Eh, perhaps I'm jealous. A lot of these type of people seem really content, and I think the lack of contentness is one of the reasons why I'm so stressed all the time. I always have to have more, be better, know more, make more, etc. Nor can I really just repeat things. It's rare that I'll ever reread a book or replay a game in the same way. Im constantly looking for new recipes. Why reread Kokoro or Invisible Cities when I have so many books I have to read anyway? So maybe I'm just jealous

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 4d ago

Maoist sex cultism? What's that? Asking for a friend

Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 5d ago

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 5d ago

You're putting bicycle wheels on a truck, if that metaphor makes sense.

"Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun" is not the same as "might makes right" although they can be seen as similar.

Might makes right is the justification of victory, of opposition or the lack there of. It's the language of colonizers, that if someone was a victim, they should have just been strong enough to resist. That, by virtue of victory, the victor is correct. It's a cyclical argument, the law of the jungle.

"Political power grows out of the barrel of a gun" is less about what makes something right or wrong, and more simply about the facts. Communists aren't right because they defeat capitalism through revolutionary violence, but revolutionary violence is still necessary.

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 5d ago

...because we're materialists who rely on evidence to make decisions? I don't even like BE but I more take issue with the foolish logic. Imagine if we said this about other things. "We already hate the cia, why do you need evidence of MK ultra?" Etc. Etc.

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 1w ago

Also I feel like Tarot cards are so much more interesting in fiction then they are irl. I was considering buying a pack and then kinda just sat there thinking "what the hell am I going to do with these?"

Tbh it feels kinda oversaturated in fiction, or maybe just an easy way to do symbolism without investing time and effort.

"Oh we need a way to represent change"

"Ope here's the death tarot card".

"We need a way to represent the start of the adventure"

"Here's the fool tarot card." Etc. Etc.

It's kinda cheap since tarot cards in fiction inherently work via the chekovs gun and similar rules

Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 1w ago

China: Cyberpunk without the punk

US:Cyberpunk without the cyber

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 1w ago

How long would it take for Cuba to completely [well, probably more almost completely] transition to renewables and electric vehicles? I'm not proposing this as some easy way out obviously, but I'm just curious by anyone who has more experience in the subject

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Jeanne-Paul Marat @lemmygrad.ml 1w ago

Sometimes I just look at my uni's degree sheets and think about double majoring for no reason. Idk why, but it feels good imagining me getting another degree. I think I just like completing things on lists and getting recognition of task completion once I'm done.

Edit: I won't cause I need to graduate though. But I might minor in physics or stats or something