TW: Self hate, and maybe suicide ?
I rarely go out but I thought I would for getting some books in person yesterday. There is a bookstore in the mall and its crowded in weekends. Since its a mall it has mirrors all over the place, why does seeing myself trigger this deep self hatred ? it’s almost as if I am ashamed to exist ? I cried and just laid in bed for a while and couldn’t eat anything for the rest of the day. This was the worse ‘Episode’ ever and I have never had something this worse before. Is there a way I can stop it from getting worse ?
Only you can answer that. Self love is the foundation of all other types of love. The pit of despair you’re in is a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you feel unlovable, few if any will see someone who is a warm receptive landing place for their love. But the converse is also true. Once you cultivate self love, you will become magnetic towards being loved. That’s why self love is foundational.
Here’s the thing. Love is an infinite resource. Once you tap in, you can’t run out. Once you find your own source, it can never be depleted. So go find it for yourself. You don’t need to look externally. Just figure out what you want in your heart and do it.