I was in some stupid ego match, and some guy made the comment that was one of those machismo put-downs akin to, “I fucked your mom.” So I snapped back, “She died in 1987, so I guess that makes you a pedophile.” I meant to say “necrophile,” but my mouth said something different than my brain, and I screwed it up. Thankfully, he didn’t pick up on it, and shot back my mom died knowing I was a disappointment. But he went too far, and his friend stopped him, like, “stop before this becomes a physical fight.” I had ZERO intention of making it a physical fight (I would have lost), but he backed down anyway and it just awkwardly ended with me remembering I said the wrong word for almost two decades, now.

One time a teacher said that she wanted to “keep us on our toes” and I raised my hand and said “I don’t have any toes” and she didn’t know how to respond. So I mean, something to keep in the chamber for later.

I’ve found that weh someone comes up like that, like a psychic or one of those “charities”, if you ask them with a bit of a frantic voice " Do you have the time?" Then wait a second and go “I’m late” and walk off, it fries their brain enough to get away.

Curiously enough, this psychic knew this answer already, so not sure why they should’ve been surprised. Unless they were crap at psychicing.

as long as they leave you alone

I think I’d like my next house to have a moat and drawbridge.