If a story, game, show, or movie contains vampires, I am immediately bored and will suspect the creator of being uncreative. Vampires are not cool. They have never been cool. The are the most overdone “monsters” in any form of media. And they are almost always the same; people with the mannerisms from 1800’s England or France and the dress sense of a 2005 Hot Topic. Why not ancient Babylon? Why not South American vampires? Why are their personalities always the fucking same? Why are they always so fucking formal? Why always the 1800’s; this one bugs me the most because the media often claims that Vampires are thousands of years old, so supposedly they kept up with the times until the 1800’s and then just stopped. It’s because writers who use them are lazy and uncreative.
“Oh it’s a metaphor for the duality of man and how there are secretly monsters living among-” shut the fuck up. Use a different metaphor if it’s that important to your story. But it never is. That’s never important to the story because they are always just so fucking lame. Always the same powers. Always the same weaknesses. They have been done to hell and back.
Use. A different. Monster.
All y’all suggesting various vampire stories that won’t annoy OP because they address the listed critisms are wasting your time. OP is already pre-annoyed by the whole concept and won’t enjoy those suggestions whether they fall within the critique or not. The only exception might be What We Do In The Shadows, because it lampoons vampire fiction so well, including the things OP points out. For anyone giving that a try, start with the original movie before watching the show.
Thank you for your understanding. And yes, I enjoyed WWDITS for exactly those reasons. It is a parody of vampires, and parodies are often cathartic for those who hate the thing being parodied because it highlights all the absurd tropes that may have become grating.