Yeah. Figuring out my own emotions is definitely one of the more difficult aspects of this. Like you, I did a lot of masking in school and being constantly overburdened by work just felt like what we were supposed to be doing.

Now when dealing with the therapist or psychiatrist, I never really know what to say. How do I even remotely attempt to observe my own emotions? This goes well beyond any tool for measurement affecting the system, this is trying to use the tool to measure itself, but it’s also self conscious.

Like if it’s really obvious I get it. There are times I’m super down and there are a handful of times when I’m pretty happy. But everything in between is some murky fog and I can’t see where I am. The act of asking myself if I’m feeling better prompts a reaction that either amounts to deluding myself that I’m ok (Which could just be regressing to how I was in school) or convincing myself that there’s no change because it’s not obviously better.