Let’s hope today is better than yesterday.
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I just started with a new therapist on Wed. I’ve tried quite a few over the years but I always end up stopping because it’s hard to really see how it was helping. Hopefully this time will be better, but who knows? I’m also still trying to find the right meds, but man it’s hard to tell if it’s doing anything.
For a more lighthearted topic: Does anyone else have trouble going back to games after a while? I’ve played various games over time that have patches, so sometimes after not playing them for a long time, I want to try playing again. However, a lot of the time, I get into the game and… I’m just too overwhelmed by new stuff and stuff I have forgotten that I end up just stopping. The feeling is something like “I don’t remember enough to know what I’m doing, but I would probably be bored if I completely started over and learned from the beginning again.” There are quite a few games that I wish I could try again, but I’m stopped by this feeling.
Hopefully your new therapist is a good fit! For myself, I had to learn how to be truly aware of what I was actually feeling and how to adequately communicate that to others. That may not be the case for you, but I spent most of my life believing that I was fine, calm, and collected; turns out that my baseline is what most people would call “stressed the fuck out.” Going to a psychologist and receiving my formal diagnosis was a eureka moment, and suddenly everything that I’ve struggled with for decades finally fell into place. I was so skilled at masking that even I didn’t realize how heavy of a psychological and emotion burden I had been carrying. I’m doing much better now, but still working on not being stressed out all the time.
As for your video game problem, that sounds a lot like me, especially with long narrative games like RPGs. Often I’ll play up to the last chapter of the game and decide to do all the side/optional content before taking on the final boss, but then I get bored, frustrated, or realize that I’ll need several dozen more hours of grinding to finish everything, and walk away. I was right at the final boss of Final Fantasy 12 when I stepped away and didn’t go back for five years. Ended up having to start all over again so that I could remember why I was there.
Yeah. Figuring out my own emotions is definitely one of the more difficult aspects of this. Like you, I did a lot of masking in school and being constantly overburdened by work just felt like what we were supposed to be doing.
Now when dealing with the therapist or psychiatrist, I never really know what to say. How do I even remotely attempt to observe my own emotions? This goes well beyond any tool for measurement affecting the system, this is trying to use the tool to measure itself, but it’s also self conscious.
Like if it’s really obvious I get it. There are times I’m super down and there are a handful of times when I’m pretty happy. But everything in between is some murky fog and I can’t see where I am. The act of asking myself if I’m feeling better prompts a reaction that either amounts to deluding myself that I’m ok (Which could just be regressing to how I was in school) or convincing myself that there’s no change because it’s not obviously better.
I am looking forward to getting the results of a sleep study. I’ve had a lot of health issues for years, and my doctor and therapist both say that poor sleep has a lot to do with that. Not looking forward to possibly needing a CPAP, but I’ll try to get used to it.
If it turns out that I don’t need one, well that’ll be even more frustrating, because I am getting so tired of being so tired all the time.
I’m curious: Was the sleep study apparatus like? I tried doing one a long time ago but it was so disruptive to my sleep that there was basically nothing to study.
I hear there have been some advances over time, but not sure how good/widely used they are. My psychiatrist keeps asking if I could get a sleep study, so if it’s more comfortable now maybe it’s worth giving it a shot.
Sorry for the delayed reply, I usually don’t hop on lemmy over the weekends.
It was definitely disruptive to my sleep, but I think I still got a few hours that they could use. The technician hooked up wires to each leg, several on my torso, and about six more on my scalp. I woke up in the middle of the night, which usually happens, and tossed and turned so much that the wires started coming loose. The technician had to come untangle me and helped me find a comfortable position. They also brought in a fan, which helped a lot.
My appointment to go over the results isn’t for another seven weeks. Hopefully my sleep was poor enough that I do get something to help me sleep better.
Ah. That’s unfortunate. Also when I did mine it was a take home kit, so I didn’t even have someone to help adjust it even if that would have improved things. Hopefully things work out for you!
I actually did a take-home sleep test a few months ago, but since my results were >5 breathing disruptions an hour they said that I didn’t qualify for further testing or treatment. A colleague of mine told me to check out a different sleep doctor, one that wasn’t affiliated with a large medical network, so I did.
That doctor took one look at the results of the at-home study and realized what happened, because it happens all the time. The network-affiliated clinic that I went to used insurance industry guidelines, but the guidelines set by actual medical sleep specialists said that I am closer to 10 interruptions an hour, and qualified me for an in-lab study.
In short, the American medical system is a racket ran by insurance companies, and it prioritizes profit over positive outcomes. Which we all know already, but what is to be done about it?
Whatever it is, we better do it soon. Chop Chop
