Got a little meander-y, sorry about that.

I think I might just be exhausted by school and life more generally, but this all feels so surreal and useless. I’ve been pursuing a terminal degree in a STEM field for years now, almost done, and the job market is overwhelmingly bleak most days. I’m on the computation/data side of things, and I look at the listings out there and start to spiral. “You don’t want to go work for some FAANG company? Why not?” why do you? (The fat salary, but is that really worth it?)

I’ve got a textbook I was given during a library clean out, “Stochastic Processes” by John Lamperti. In the intro he says:

It is impossible for me these days to write or lecture about mathematics without ambivalence. It is obvious that in many nations, and most of all in my own, science and mathematics are all too often serving as tools for militarism and oppression… I believe that today it is a vital duty for the scientific community to struggle against such misuse of science, and to resist the demands – made in the name of “defense” or “security” – to develop ever more efficient means for killing and exploiting other human beings.

Even this attitude is basically absent these days. I guess the answer is to go teach, that would make my work feel sorta meaningful. But I don’t want to feel pressured to do research, I haven’t enjoyed it. I’m not sure what my question is, but do any of you all in STEM have ideas on how to make this all useful and not spend my life building weapons or working for “national security”? I’m almost thinking I’ll just get some neutral-ish analyst job and pursue stuff in my free time.