Honestly i dont even know if i can put the things i feel at the moments in written words but i need to get them of my chest.
I hate being autistic at the moment.
I managed to build a friendgroup in the last two years, we hang out at the local hackspace, did sport together talked about emotions, cuddle etc.
I felt realy safe so I opend up, didnt mask all the time, told them how i feel when many humans are around, how i can crash when my social battery runs to low, how i make decisions, which emotions i have and which i dont, how i sometimes still struggle with being a human…
An with that parts of the group started to change, acted different around me, stoped being cuddly with me, told me that i should not come to partys because i might crash and they then dont want to care about me (they never had to before), and it just feels like i am no longer 100% welcome among some of them.
And i just hate it, i hate me, i want to undo telling them. But i also want to belong, feel safe, not needing to mask all the time and being accepted like i am.
If they don’t want to care about you they are not really friends. Doesn’t matter they never have to do it, it’s the principle.
I agree but I’d also add that this doesn’t automatically make them bad people, just people who aren’t’ compatible with you.
I’m not defending them, It’s entirely possible they are bad people, but it’s not a given.
What i mean by this is that it’s not necessarily because of some flaw with you or them, it can just be that you don’t match up right now(or ever).
I think it’s important to understand that sometimes the only way to find out if you match is to try it and see, it sucks when it doesn’t work out but the alternative is never really finding out if it could.
That doesn’t negate the good times. I remember when I struggled to make friends, and most of my “friends” weren’t really friends, but it was still better than nothing.
Maybe you can tell them how they’re making you feel? It’s plausible they could be trying to accommodate you but in a way where they make bad assumptions rather than asking you. If so, maybe they’ll listen.
At the very least, even if asking burns the friendship even more, you’ll have some data to predict how someone might think in another/future friendship.
Are there are parts of the group that you are still comfortable with? If so, can you hang out with just those ones?
The thing is i didnt open up the same to everyone, and those who i opend up the most changed the most so i dont want to risk the rest of my friends from that group so i would still have to mask :(
That’s terrible ignorance from their side, I am sure you will be able to find more people since you already managed to. I don’t have anyone like that for more than 3 years not even mates
