Last night I had a dream where I was socially interacting as male, had male anatomy, etc. - it usually disturbs me when I wake up and realize my unconscious is operating this way, it feels like I don’t see myself as a woman, which is true on a conscious level but it’s painful when I don’t even see myself as a woman in my dreams.
Sometimes even before transition trans women see themselves as women in their dreams, and I marvel at that. I think part of my denial was integrating every internal part of me that felt female as being actually authentically male, that all men are actually feminine in this way or that. So the authentically feminine parts of me still feel “male”.
Anyway, I just wanted to do a quick poll and see:
(if any transmasc folks or enbies are reading this, I would love your input too, even though I’m using gendered language, I don’t mean to be excluding)
- did you have dreams where you were a woman before you transitioned?
- what was the process like of your internal concept changing as you transitioned?
- when did you start appearing as a woman in your dreams post-transition? (did the frequency increase post-transition, what was that change like?)
- how do you relate to your self-conception, does it disturb you to be a man in your dreams, is it a relief to be a woman in your dreams?
I came out a little less than a month ago and have had a long time where I never remembered my dreams, but those where I did, I always presented male inside the dream. In just the past few days I’ve started remembering pretty much every dream I’ve had, and in all of them I’ve been presenting fem.
It always felt off that I was masc in my dreams when that did not at all feel right. I have not started hormones yet, only social transition as of now, but it feels very validating in that sense to finally see myself in my dreams as well.
Oh interesting, you seem more able to think of yourself as fem than I am. I socially transitioned three months before I had access to HRT, and during that time I think my dreams were rather vicious and my self-concept was the typical male role that I’ve lived as for so long.
Even now, over a year after starting HRT, I have trouble thinking of myself as a woman while everyone around me seems to see and interact with me as a woman.
I do sometimes wonder if this is because I internalized that every part of me, including the parts I now recognize are feminine, as male - that men naturally would wish to be women, that it’s masculine to think and be the way I am. Changing that perspective seems difficult to me, lol.
Congrats on coming out btw - that’s a huge deal!! ✨ 🥳 🎉