I think most parents try to impart their beliefs/values onto their children. Whether it succeeds is a whole other question, since the beliefs can be same/similar to the existing superstructure or challenging it. I would expect when they are same/similar, it’s relatively easy to reproduce it in new generations, unless the base for them, the material conditions, are in too much contradiction with the superstructure. And when the beliefs/values are challenging the existing superstructure, much harder to make it stick into adulthood, unless, again, material conditions make a significant difference. There’s only so much you can do on your own.
Yep. And everyone makes mistakes. I’m extremely blessed in that my now-adult child told me to stop apologizing for various things because, “you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time.” That broke me, and I wept profusely. It’s the message I shared with a primary caregiver who yet finds confronting their own demons too scary and painful, so our relationship isn’t healed; but my child’s and my relationship is healing from typical teenage angst, rage, and the additional angst and rage from my own messups. We celebrate victories where we can.
I’ve told my own parents that, almost word for word, especially with my mom, who was thrown out of a moving car by one of her parents in childhood, and it’s stuff like that that reminds me, for all the pain I had in my own childhood, they did an amazing job at not being like their own parents, and doing what little they know how to do to deal with a broken child carrying a horrible trauma nobody at the time knew about, the ways Capitalism, and the tools they use against us, such as religion under Capitalism, torture, kill and under-develop us (and SA, but that is a difficult topic for me) are many in variation and intensity.
I’m really glad for the good for you and sorry for the bad. The SA stuff is difficult for me, too. The parent I mentioned still rages at their dead abusers, while not being able to acknowledge they regularly left me with their abusers for weeks at a time and got exasperated that I’d call at bedtime, in inconsolable tears, begging to come home. Decades later, I still can’t recall what came after; and I don’t really need to recall, anymore. I already know it was nothing good. But I can forgive that parent that because what that does to a child in their earliest years, until they married and moved out of the house, especially after losing a parent they adored to a sudden death – that ain’t nothin good, either, and psychotherapy back then was not only stigmatized, but more out of reach for the dirt poor, as well. And that’s why parents did that, especially when there weren’t opportunities for women “past their prime,” with four or five hungry mouths to feed. Babies’ mouths.
I’m fortunate enough to have therapy covered by medicaid/medicare (I have both, I forget which one covers it), but on that topic I need to cut the conversation here, I feel uncomfortably close to bringing up something that I’m only prepared to bring up during therapy, where I can use EMDR to process what comes up, thank you for sharing, but also let’s leave it here.
I’d think of it a bit like, teaching mathematics, so, provide examples, walk them through them, basically show them how to think in a Dialectical and Historical Materialist way, and encourage them to practice using it to better understand reality, and maybe throw in bits about history, philosophy, political economy ETC.
You could give them some books to read (at their level) and then provide encouragement, maybe they get a special treat if they can demonstrate they understand the books content, and if you talk about such regularly at, you might encourage them to want to know more on their own so they can discus at a higher level with you, or even to show off what they’ve learned or something, what ever keeps them learning.
I think most parents try to impart their beliefs/values onto their children. Whether it succeeds is a whole other question, since the beliefs can be same/similar to the existing superstructure or challenging it. I would expect when they are same/similar, it’s relatively easy to reproduce it in new generations, unless the base for them, the material conditions, are in too much contradiction with the superstructure. And when the beliefs/values are challenging the existing superstructure, much harder to make it stick into adulthood, unless, again, material conditions make a significant difference. There’s only so much you can do on your own.
Yep. And everyone makes mistakes. I’m extremely blessed in that my now-adult child told me to stop apologizing for various things because, “you did the best you could with the tools you had at the time.” That broke me, and I wept profusely. It’s the message I shared with a primary caregiver who yet finds confronting their own demons too scary and painful, so our relationship isn’t healed; but my child’s and my relationship is healing from typical teenage angst, rage, and the additional angst and rage from my own messups. We celebrate victories where we can.
I’ve told my own parents that, almost word for word, especially with my mom, who was thrown out of a moving car by one of her parents in childhood, and it’s stuff like that that reminds me, for all the pain I had in my own childhood, they did an amazing job at not being like their own parents, and doing what little they know how to do to deal with a broken child carrying a horrible trauma nobody at the time knew about, the ways Capitalism, and the tools they use against us, such as religion under Capitalism, torture, kill and under-develop us (and SA, but that is a difficult topic for me) are many in variation and intensity.
I’m really glad for the good for you and sorry for the bad. The SA stuff is difficult for me, too. The parent I mentioned still rages at their dead abusers, while not being able to acknowledge they regularly left me with their abusers for weeks at a time and got exasperated that I’d call at bedtime, in inconsolable tears, begging to come home. Decades later, I still can’t recall what came after; and I don’t really need to recall, anymore. I already know it was nothing good. But I can forgive that parent that because what that does to a child in their earliest years, until they married and moved out of the house, especially after losing a parent they adored to a sudden death – that ain’t nothin good, either, and psychotherapy back then was not only stigmatized, but more out of reach for the dirt poor, as well. And that’s why parents did that, especially when there weren’t opportunities for women “past their prime,” with four or five hungry mouths to feed. Babies’ mouths.
I’m fortunate enough to have therapy covered by medicaid/medicare (I have both, I forget which one covers it), but on that topic I need to cut the conversation here, I feel uncomfortably close to bringing up something that I’m only prepared to bring up during therapy, where I can use EMDR to process what comes up, thank you for sharing, but also let’s leave it here.
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to trigger anything. I wish you the best.
I’d think of it a bit like, teaching mathematics, so, provide examples, walk them through them, basically show them how to think in a Dialectical and Historical Materialist way, and encourage them to practice using it to better understand reality, and maybe throw in bits about history, philosophy, political economy ETC. You could give them some books to read (at their level) and then provide encouragement, maybe they get a special treat if they can demonstrate they understand the books content, and if you talk about such regularly at, you might encourage them to want to know more on their own so they can discus at a higher level with you, or even to show off what they’ve learned or something, what ever keeps them learning.
Edit: “regularly at home”