vestmoria

@ vestmoria @linux.community

Posts

74
Comments

94
Joined

2 yr. ago

3mo ago

Removed

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?
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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

You don’t sound ND, you just sound like you don’t care to change. That’s different.
the people who criticize me are not that important to me that warrant I change to some version of what they consider better. I've reached a point where it doesn't make sense anymore to try to be a better, more knowledgeable professional but simply finding a job where people leave me alone. At least I'd be happier.
I guess I'm full misanthrope now
I guess it's 'good' I can 'change' if I so decide? but really, change, for what?

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

They demand authenticity and complain that people express emotions in the same sentence.

wait, you are right. My coworkers are authentic and they get along among themselves, whereas my way of being authentic seems to be the complete opposite. They are authentic being silly, loud and childish, I am authentic reading a book and not yapping.

We are simply incompatible. I mean its sad people believe a workplace is like an elementary school, but, what can I do to change it? Nothing. I'm glad I'm leaving. In future, I'll look for jobs where I don't have to endure silly people like this, a work with as less human contact as possible, or at least with no needy patients that demand you listen to their rants and become their therapist for 4 hours per shift. God I hate that.

The whole post can be summarized as “Life would be so much better if other people’s thoughts and behaviours were organized around me and my preferences”.

while true, I'd suggest 'Life would be so much better if other people’s thoughts were left unsaid and coworkers let me work'

this is a chance to start looking for better fitting jobs.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

I’m in my 50s, always feel like an alien, and still think I’m 19yo.

don't let anyone take your inner child away. Don't let society change this about you.

I’m guessing that wasn’t what you wanted to hear.

it's ok, the book is already helpful. At this point I have no expectations about society anymore. It's survival mechanisms what interest me.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

Everything you do has been your choice to do.

I don't know. To me this "choice" feels like a natural response, a default one, the easy answer. I'm not a patient person. "Choosing" to give another answer feels completely strange, foreign, not me, being fake and feels like a waste of time.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

I’ve at some time adjusted my field of work to be 100% remote, and now I’m seeing how to change even that. I’ve eliminated Interactions with undesired people almost completely.

then "all" I have to do is to keep looking for jobs where I almost never interact with people...

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

I'm sorry but I don't quite understand your answer: are you telling me to start telling them about chess? because if you're suggesting I think about several possible answers to prying questions well, I'm simply incapable of doing it fast enough. I'm glad you can, but I simply cannot.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

You also edited your comment here, at first you were saying something about the person you’re replying to sounding boring.

please point where that happened as I have no clue what you're talking about. Maybe quoting what I changed?

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

By getting “why do you talk so little?” and responding with “why do you talk so much?”, You’re doing what they do to you back to them.

absolutely. I answer a question with another question. Keep playing stupid games, you'll keep getting stupid prizes.

you can say these words in the nicest way possible, and this exchange still sounds confrontational.

then why do they start it? I'm never the one pestering anyone about why they're blond, tall, fat...

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

wow, what a beautiful post.

Autism makes it hard to think outside a tried and true path. That rigidity is difficult to deal with, but may be worth looking into.

what do you mean 'may be worth looking into.'?

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

because some people here offer good advice

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

You don’t need to tell people they’re being boring.

where did you get that from? I don't tell them directly they bore me, that's what I think as I imagine leaving.

You can just leave and not interact and thus not hurt their feelings, and thus not have conflict with people.

actually that's not true: if extrovert A says something I don't care about, I wait patiently till he ends it and I leave, he will feel offended (an extrovert explained this to me). I don't understand it but apparently it's like this.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

There is no need to go for confrontation, asking why someone talks so little might just be a way of trying to include them in a group or getting to know them, and it sounds like OP just responds as hostile as possible.

why is answering a question with another question confrontational? this is a boundaries issue.

I can't believe I have to explain this, but here it goes: if people talk much or less is purely subjective: what to introverted A is too much is for extroverted B too little.

extroverted B asked from his subjective point of view, introverted A simply answered from his also subjective point of view.

Why is this confrontational to you?

it sounds like OP just responds as hostile as possible.

wrong again, I calmly state that question. You seem to believe I start yelling at them or looking at them as if I wanted to hurt them.

my main question to you is this: why is answering a question with another question confrontational? this is about boundaries.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

I’d wager the people you’re having negative interactions with are picking up on that rather than your introversion.

I don't know, my soon to be former workplace is like a primary school: established coworkers settle in, start yelling, are obnoxious, care about ludicrously stupid stuff I simply don't care about. This goes on for 30 minutes. every day.

I'm trapped: if I leave for these 30 minutes they go find me to ask what am I doing, usually reading something interesting on my smartphone without them yapping.

Gossiping has already started at this point.

To avoid this I've settled for reading what interests me together with them which is not as good as it sounds but apparently placates them.

I still don't understand how adults can behave so childish.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

I am many people.

don't you find it tiring? It's extremely draining to me to fake being something I am not, specially if faking implies I have to act like an extroverted interested in a coworker's life, including his sexual one.

One I had a coworker go on a full republican rant about how this country is going to sh%t, so... what do I do with people like this? I simply don't care about their beliefs.

I like how you present this as a choice and not an imposition.

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

it's not my job to entertain you. you speak like an extroverted neurotypical who thinks he knows better.

I already see extroverts upvoting you :D

do you have the ability to listen to boring stories with a smile on your face?

3mo ago

I'm on the spectrum. How do I live the rest of my life?

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vestmoria @linux.community 3mo ago

I wouldn't phrase it that way but if you must I'd concentrate on people. Societal expectations are not important to me, it's not something I strive to follow. Where did you get that from? Societal expectations are a form of unconscious, self imposed control.

To you question,about people: what bothers and triggers me is people constantly asking why I don't talk more, why they feel offended if I answer asking why they talk so much, also feeling offended if I prefer to do my pause alone instead of with them, the talking behind my back which to me equals being unauthentic, misidentifying lack of interest in their lives and wanting to simply do my job as hostility.

Other people are not important to me because I care about them (at least coworkers). They are "important" because I care how they can make my life difficult, the unnecessary drama they create, I don't want a workplace where I have to fake interest in them so they don't feel offended and start badmouthing you.

7mo ago

How do I stop having expectations at the workplace?

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vestmoria @linux.community 7mo ago

just pointing out how you post to rant pal.

7mo ago

How do I stop having expectations at the workplace?

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vestmoria @linux.community 7mo ago

and yet you fail to name any of the faults you claim I have. I commend you for your insightful, based post. Keep it up.

I’m not a licensed therapist

no shit on that one.

7mo ago

How do I stop having expectations at the workplace?

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vestmoria @linux.community 7mo ago

the current job shows me my own limitations, which are more with my colleagues than with the job itself.

but ain't this not one of your limitations, but theirs? This sentence makes it look like your coworkers slow you down.

could you write what your limitations with your coworkers look like? This is to me a very abstract concept.

7mo ago

How do I stop having expectations at the workplace?

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vestmoria @linux.community 7mo ago

And I am extra vigilant, take responsibility for the safety of those around me at all times.

could you write an example of this? I don't quite get it.

Say I try to apply this to nursing, it would mean I start checking if my coworkers do their job up to standard, which would be ridiculous, extremely taxing and not my job. Or am I understanding this the wrong way?