Texans frantically turning extra locks on their aircraft doors at hearing the “final approach” announcement

He would’ve been fine at 374, but it was that last one that was just too much.

“The aristocats! Shoot, messed that one up.”

Donny always needs about tree fitty.

I cringed so hard that I involuntarily did a kegel

Ok so strictly speaking it was a specific mustard colored rectangular Tupperware bowl that often held soup leftovers in the fridge. Occasionally it held popcorn. For a small child who was sick and couldn’t reliably get over a toilet to puke, it was the designated “puke bowl.” For the record, I don’t believe poop knives actually exist, but in this instance, your wife is correct.

You mean the popcorn container/puke bowl?

people being so uninformed and then acting like they’re the ones that are informed

I see you’ve met my Trump-supporter/Qanon MIL

They got $1200 last time, surely it will happen again

People at my spouse’s workplace were high-fiving each other on Wednesday. This country is just a goddamn middle school.

Damn, and there goes my FDR crutches monogramming Etsy along with it

“I didn’t expect the leopards to eat MY face” says voter who voted for the Face-eating Leopard party (paraphrased).

You don’t wanna know

Good news! It already has! (in very isolated cases)

The intent was the problem. They knew what they were doing.

Nailed it. People are still mad that Obama made it into the White House and we’re forever going to pay for it. And a black woman running for president? Americans all saw Trump’s serious cognitive decline — I don’t doubt that any outside of a hardcore few didn’t — but America made for damn sure it wouldn’t be Kamala.

And I’d like to wish every 3rd party voter a very hemorrhagic stroke

In NC? It’s a solidly red state with a rare hiccup (see: governor and that one time for Obama). It bodes well for us not having to deal with that asshole, but that’s about it.

I vote for both bears and twinks.

I know someone in this circumstance, and it comes down to exactly one issue: abortion. The spouse is Roman Catholic and cannot support abortion, so despite disagreeing with most of the republican platform, they feel obligated to vote with the party that opposes it. I had the same thing crop up in 2008 with a roommate who was Greek Orthodox and in every way one of the most progressive people I knew, but they voted McCain purely on this one issue out of religious guilt.