Affinity is awesome, at least until Canva starts demanding a subscription model.

Stevie Wonder version is superior anyways

Temporary pain to own the libs, hoss

“Since you are reluctant to provide us with the location of the rebel base, I have chosen to test this station’s destructive power on your home planet of Ohio.”

Why don’t you just make 10 louder?

“[video] REACTION!” And it’s just someone’s head in the corner as they raise a finger to point at the original video

Take a drink for every f-35 that gets destroyed. And take a drink for every f-35 that isn’t!

Then the hallucinations started and you enjoyed that 2021 Malbec so you might enjoy bleach I mean bleach I mean drink bleach I mean bleach

If literally anyone bothered to check “2nd year Ph.D. student” would’ve ended it, shame it had to go so far in the process

We can’t all settle for dudes who steal copper wire and smoke meth out of light bulbs, but we’re not saying it on tv. Bawitdaboo-hoo.

I’ll take a flat spin due to poor placement of a solid gold toilet with a heavy McDonald’s shit dropped in it

And I feel “constrained” by a lack of subprime lending, let’s bring that shit back too.

Graduated in 2022 and decided to bail on academics, been out of the loop since, but my god did I apparently dodge a fucking bullet

Those aren’t the only two terms in contention, unfortunately, because academics love a pissing contest. Middle fingers to the term I personally hate, “cosmodernism.”

Next up, Mewmaxxing czar and Orthotropics advisor Mike Mew

We had this fluoride foam the dentist put on twice annually. Fruit-flavored foam, suctioned it back off, no rinse, and you couldn’t eat or drink for 30 minutes. Got that for a good number of years. I also recall that due to the combination of that, your city’s fluoridated water, and toothpaste, you could get these faint white spots in the middle of your teeth.

I’m not saying no to cake, though

“Ok, now write it in the style of an influencer”

“Hey chat, don’t forget to smash that like and follow button! A big shout out to MeUndies for sponsoring Baby’s First Unsubscribe challenge…”

“It starts with a small, bright red dot on your chest”

“I feel a jowl movement coming on!”